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Global Domination | Audio Autopsy | Audio Autopsy - April 2005

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Audio autopsy

Audio Autopsy - April 2005

01/04/05  ||  Global Domination

Rapture: The silent stage Rapture: The silent stage

6.8 /10

Lord K: At times I get early Opeth-vibes from Rapture, that’s when Opeth concentrates on being brutal instead of mellow. The rest of this crap is some semi-gothic metal with cum-vocals and pretentiousness coming out of each and every asshole in the band. Rapture should spend more time on composing heavier parts as those are the ones making this band not completely awful. The growls brings this piece up quite a bit. That’s one fine fucken voice. 5

Farlus: These guys are like a melodic death Opeth/Katatonia sandwich. I really dig the stuff they do, except sometimes when they delve into prog parts, they come off as being a bad Opeth clone instead of a prog band in their own right. While their singer is very talented, I just can’t help but compare him to Mikael Åkerfeldt and so he ends up falling flat in places. Despite this, I really dig the band’s work. 7

Desert Eagle: Some fucken excellent doom death right here. Throw in a dose of Katatonia and a good sense of melody and you have one killer album. 8

The Abyss: They don’t cling as heavily to Katatonia’s nutsack as before and I can definately see an identity of their own forming for these Finnish fucks. Heavy, catchy, melancholic, sad, groovy, beautiful metal with twin-guitar harmonies to die for. Not as good as “Songs for the withering”, but still great. 8

Syrrok: I have no idea how these guys have been cast as a Katatonia rip-off. While I wouldn’t be against that at all, that is not how I’d classify them. But I love the thought they seem to put into their music. It’s fairly strong shit and much better when lumped in with the rest of the crap this month. 5

Derek: I listened to this album and had a shot of whiskey every time I thought of Opeth. I woke up, three days later, in a ditch. I’ve since recovered but I keep huming some of the album’s melodies to myself. Rapture may not be the most original kids on the block, but they probably have lots of friends who dig their tunes. Translation: album is good where rocking = yes! 8

Cephalic Carnage: Anomalies Cephalic Carnage: Anomalies

6.7 /10

Lord K: Cephalic Carnage is nothing short of completely insane music, of which I understand little. Musicianship is top-notch, production is not and somewhere in there I think there are some songs, but I have a hard time finding them in between all the fucken chaos. They get a 5 for effort and insanity though. 5

Farlus: I never bothered to check these guys out before and I’ve got to say, they are a pleasant surprise. I expected typical death metal bullshit, but instead I was treated to some experimental deathgrind plus a hint of some insane fucked up shit. For about the first half of the album, you get some crazy tempo deathgrind shit that actually sounds a bit sloppy at times (rather than the perfected chaos that a band like Meshuggah achieves on an album like “Destroy Erase Improve”) but around the time you get to “Dying Will Be the Death of Me”, the band veers off into left field. This is where the album gets good and continues until the CD finishes spinning. The 9 1/2 minute closer, “Ontogony of Behavior”, just totally blows away any preconcepted notion I had of this band. These guys are much more complex and better than I could ever have predicted and I dig ‘em a great deal. 8

Desert Eagle: Did you know that Cephalic means, “Of or relating to the head”? I didn’t. What you should know is this album will totally cockfuck your stupid head. Brutal and relentless, this album has balls. Huge balls. Huge musical balls that make good music. 8

The Abyss: Gone are most of the insane jazz-grind moments and what I’m left with is Cephalic Carnage’s (quirky) take on death metal. While not so shabby in it’s own right I find that I miss the element of surprise that made “Lucid Interval” such a sonic adventure. That said, this band still kicks the ass of 80% of the extreme metal bands today. 8

Syrrok: I don’t get it you artsy metal asses. The drummer is absolutely insane in this band, but Syrrok’s gotsta groove, and that aspect is nowhere to be found in this ASSterpiece. 3

Derek: Holy fuck this is heavy. It’s fast, heavy and very brutal, with melodic interludes that remind me of Dysrhythmia and Ulver. Aside from being the weirdest grind album I’ve ever heard, it’s definitely one of the best. I wish more grind bands would realize what you can do when you put some time into your music, then I’d have more albums like this. 8

Judas Priest: Angel of retribution Judas Priest: Angel of retribution

6.2 /10

Lord K: I was never hot for Judas Priest when I grew up but they do their metal well. No one can deny ass-inheriter Rob Halford is one excellent singer. Stay away from my coyote. 6

Farlus: This album is pretty damn good for a band of geezers led by a flaming homo. Priest has still got something burning, and it’s not Halford’s asshole after a night of sex. There are plenty of killer tunes on this album. I dig it. 8

Desert Eagle: Ok, so can I be honest with you guys? I have never liked Judas Priest. I still gave this album a chance, and I still hated it. 4

The Abyss: HammerFall may call themselves the Templars of Metal but they have nothing on the true Template of Metal. Judas Priest are back with Rob on vocals and seem to have acquired some extra pounds of steel balls in the process. The album starts off fast and heavy, loses momentum halfway but manages to pick up the slack by the ending (though cheesy) epic “Lochness”. 7

Syrrok: Look… If you like screaming, leather, penises, or screaming leather penises, I’m sure you’ll get your fill here. Just kindly keep it out of my holes. I definately wish I could play this well when I am 60, but that doesn’t give them an excuse to create such boring metal. This album is nice for the 1% of America’s population who still cruise around in their Trans Am’s (with the eagle airbrushed on the hood), but horrible for the rest of us who could care less. 4

Derek: I’ve never actually given two shits about Judas Priest, but this album has changed my mind. Considering I normally despise really high vocals, I’m impressed with how much I like this. I can now officially say that I have an opinion on the Halford / Judas Priest reunion. My quality of life will no doubt increase immediately. 8

Corrosion Of Conformity: In the arms of God Corrosion Of Conformity: In the arms of God

5.8 /10

Lord K: The winners of the muddiest production this year goes to COC, hands down. It suits them though and their groovy metal is pretty damn cool at times. This is no “Deliverance” but it works. It’s damn nice to hear drums sounding like drums and not like a machine. 6

Farlus: CoC is back, motherfuckers. Forget “America’s Volume Dealer”, we’re back to “Deliverance”-era shit and it will kick your ass until you’re bloody and broken. Then it’ll rape, jizz and spit on your corpse. We’re back to the era of just heavy, raw sounding rock with the catchiest guitars known to man and Pepper’s instantly recognizable vocals speaking lyrics that mean something. CoC + Crowbar = best albums of 2005, and it’s only late March/early April. What a year for heavy music. 9

Desert Eagle: “Burned by the spoon”? Are you fucken kidding me? Granted I’ve never listened to COC before so I don’t know if they’re supposed to have retarded lyrics but god damn is that retarded. Blah blah, drugs are bad. 5

The Abyss: COC’s southern fried take on doom/Sabbath-metal country is like eating a whole bucket of KFC; tasty at first bite but quickly it all gets too greasy and you start feel a little sick by the lack of variation. And the songs are too fucking long! 3

Syrrok: Always refreshing when a band makes a u-turn after they realized their last release wasn’t up to par. This album is case in point of that. COC has always made my balls wet and the fact that I am literally about to walk out the door to go watch them play tonight can’t hurt their score. Back to what COC is known for. 7

Derek: Not as instantly catchy as “America’s Volume” dealer, and there’s a much heavier blues influence here. This is a lot more mellow than I expected. Good music, but I am not really into it. It never gets heavy enough for my liking and keeps falling back on slower, more laid-back riffs. Are times really that bad; did the band have to sell their balls to pay rent or something? It isn’t bad, it just ain’t all that great. I expected a lot more here, I call foul. 5

Lost Soul: Chaostream Lost Soul: Chaostream

5.8 /10

Lord K: There’s no end to the Domination that is Poland when it comes to death metal. Lost Soul kicks ass and they do it with blistering speed and outrageous riffing. After Sweden, Poland is number one. 7

Farlus: This album started off great with some good technical death metal. It reminded me of a mix between Decapitated and Throneaeon. However, the further I got into the album, the more boring it got. Then “Christian Meat” came on and the band redeemed themselves. That song is just slow and brutal and makes my nipples hard enough to slice the penis off of a polar bear. Between the first few songs and the last few songs, the band can get pretty boring though, which is a shame. 5

Desert Eagle: Killer death metal. Fucken brutal as shit just like it’s supposed to be. It is called DEATH metal after all, not KITTEN metal. 8

The Abyss: It seems Poland is incapable of creating bad death metal bands. A shame so many of them sound alike (i.e. like Vader), Lost Soul is no exception. I almost mistook the singer for Vader’s Peter before checking their website. The pace is higher then present-day Vader but I still can’t see myself paying money for Lost Soul, competent as they are, while there’s more original Polish bands around. The glaring exception is the last song which is fucking great in all aspects. 5

Syrrok: This album gets me crazy pissed-off! This is no-bullshit, smelly, sweaty, fucked-up death metal doing exactly what death metal is supposed to do. Throw in a few quality riffs and I’m satisfied, and we know how hard that is to achieve. 5

Derek: Someone sure loves their drum triggers… Find a producer that doesn’t suck, feed the drummer to someome who can actually play their kit (maybe ask them to join the band), and this band would be a whole lot better. For a band with such a pussy name, they’re try to be fairly brutal. Then again, the name ‘Lost Soul’ also sounds pretty generic; and so does the music. You don’t yawn through something that’s supposed to be brutal. Stay lost. 5

Gorgasm: Neurotripsicks Gorgasm: Neurotripsicks

5.7 /10

Lord K: Welcome to Technical Country, the very place where Gorgasm wants to reign. The very place where everyone forgets to write songs and spends time coming up with weird song-structures instead. It’s decent, technical death metal, and very much nothing that I will listen to that often. Congrats on one of the crappiest band-names of all times anyways. 5

Farlus: Technical death metal at its not-so-finest. At times these guys can play top-notch shit and play it well. Other times their music is more boring than masturbating without porn. If there’s one thing I hate (besides mistaking Vapor Rub for proper lube) it’s inconsistency in my death metal. Get your shit together. 5

Desert Eagle: This isn’t half-bad. In fact, it’s all-bad. Hah! Suck on that shit. Nothing bores me more than technical death. It’s all wooo AAAAA shred shred GRRRRRR shred SOLOSOLOSOLO shred AUUGGHHH squirt. Fuck it. 4

The Abyss: Wow. This is… I don’t know. Take death, grind, jazz, excevate the parts that makes them good, blend them all together and you have something close to what Gorgasm sounds like. It’s really good, midpaced extreme metal with gurgling un-decipherble vocals and lots of twin-guitar solos. Groovy headbang-friendly shit for sure. *4*4 minutes may be a bit much to take in but hang in there, the last song is a fucking slayer! 8

Syrrok: If you look closely, you’ll notice “eurotrip” nestled snugly in the title of this album. What does that have to do with this band? We’ll, I didn’t have to see the movie to know that Eurotrip is total shit. For the same reason, I know this Gorgasm album is total shit. (YES THIS WAS A STRETCH BUT COMEDY IS HARD). This is one of those bands content to hold construction jobs and play in pubs the rest of their lives. Very crazy musicianship, but ultimately it leads nowhere. Also a great vocalist put to waste. 3

Derek: This album is a lot better than the band name or title could ever hope to indicate. This band’s sound is a bastard child from an orgy of technical death metal, power metal, and grind. This album devastates with such groovy brutality that I’m willing to overlook song titles like “Rusted Nails Attack” and “Smoked Skulls”. 9

Napalm Death: The code is red... Napalm Death: The code is red… Long live the code

5.5 /10

Lord K: The legendary ND lost me quite some albums ago. “Harmony Corruption” is to me their best effort and this album doesn’t change that. It sounds as expected. Catchy riffing and Barney’s very recognizable vocal-style. 7

Farlus: I’ve never been a big follower of this band, but this album is good… for a while. It just seems like the same shit goes on forever after about halfway through. There are flashes later on of some cool, catchy shit, but I still probably couldn’t stand to listen to this but every once in a while. That can probably be said for most grind, though. This album seems like something that if you were already a fan of the band, you’d dig this shit. It’s good, but nothing I’m gonna slobber over. 5

Desert Eagle: Bunch of cool guys but I’ve never liked the music. Vocals are really just not my style. And there’s a shitload of tracks to make me sick of it even faster. 4

The Abyss: 20 years and Napalm Death never fail to deliver quality grind. Unlike bands like Nasum and Rotten Sound I find NP’s longer songs to be a tad boring; they are at their best in the short sharp grind-shocks. “The code…” certinly isn’t the bands best effort, it’s “just” another good Napalm Death-album. Extra coolness-points for having Jello Biafra on guestvocals in “The great and the good”. 7

Syrrok: It is so hard for me to care that Napalm Death have released another album. I’m more excited about the Mork and Mindy TV mini-series coming up this weekend. Would Mork care about Napalm Death? Probably… But probably only around the “Greed Killing” era. 3

Derek: The latest slab of grunting grindcore from Napalm Death features a handful of guest appearances, and there’s a prize to be won if you can actually hear them anywhere on the album. Although the cleverness of the song titles is obscured by the vocals that make raving downtown drunks, high on a premium blend of mouthwash and gasoline fumes sound coherent and reserved, this is some brutal shit. Long live the code… Whatever that means. 7

Cursed: Two Cursed: Two

5.3 /10

Lord K: Another band I have never heard of and I’m just as happy with that as a cock in a pussy-factory. This is not for me. 3

Farlus: These guys were very, very far from what I expected, and that’s a good thing. They mix in plenty of elements into some really cool songs. The vocals are not my thing most of the time, but there are moments when they put together all the elements I like into one killer song (“Clocked In, Punched Out”) that strikes me as being Bongzilla-ish. I also hear some thrash, punk and hardcore influences all throughout everything. A very diverse band, to say the least. I dig it. 8

Desert Eagle: Sigh… There always has to be at least one of these albums, doesn’t it?. Boring and noisy. 3

The Abyss: I think I’ve said pretty much everything to be said of this kickass HC/Metal/Post-HC/Doom band in my original review. I’d just like to add that the album has only gotten better and better for each listen so I’m gonna up the mark even more now. 8

Syrrok: A throwback to 90’s hardcore AND an anti-war song? Syrrok has a special place for this band called StopPlayingMusicandFuckOff-land. Totally got my goat. 2

Derek: I hear an “Uprising”-era Entombed influence, and I quite like it. These guys are great, and I’m shocked to find out they’re based out of the city I live in. I need to get out more, “Two” is fucking excellent and I think catching these guys live would be a good idea. Thrashy and death-tinged in the right doses. 8

High On Fire: Blessed black wings High On Fire: Blessed black wings

5.2 /10

Lord K: I have seen these guys being praised in a lot of places and just as I thought it is completely undeserved. Bullshit. 3

Farlus: I heard “The Art of Self Defense” a couple times and hated this band. I didn’t even bother to pick up “Surrounded By Thieves”. I’m glad “Blessed Black Wings” is on AA, cause it fuckin owns. If you didn’t like the band before, this should definitely get your attention. These guys have groove and they know how to rock out with their cocks out, which you will gladly suck and swallow their loads after hearing this fine album. Catchy guitar lines litter this CD and the drumming is tighter than a bitch’s asshole when you donkey punch her. The vocals are brutal without being too harsh or cookie monster-ish, in the realm of Mastodon’s. It’s just ass-kicking music through and through. 9

Desert Eagle: “Ahh man I’m too stoned to write anything decent! Who cares? Everyone who listens will be stoned so they won’t notice how much we suck. Groovy!” I don’t fucken think so. 3

The Abyss: This album starts with drums that get increasingly louder and are then accompanied by a guitar shredding out some really tasty riffs right in the wastelands between Black Sabbath, Kreator and Destruction. I found this to be a pretty good indication of all the songs on “Blessed black wings”; drum-driven, (guitar) riff-heavy music that can make any foot start to tap. This album is filled with great ideas, unfortunately many songs are way too long so I’m gonna deduct a point for that. 6

Syrrok: Invest in production must? So, is this a heavier Motorhead or what? Sounds like it to me. 3

Derek: Perhaps I’m high on something, but this album gives me a heavy Entombed vibe. I despised Sleep and the first High on Fire album, skipped the second, and this one has actually made me rethink my stance on the band. Some good solos and solid heavy rock; a veritable bevy of good times to be had by all. 7

Brainstorm: Liquid monster Brainstorm: Liquid monster

4 /10

Lord K: I’ve got 2 words for you, Brainstorm: Go fuck yerself and take your silly fucken power metal cocksucking shit-music with you. 2

Farlus: I can’t say that I’ve ever knowingly listened to a band from Latvia (or any of the Baltic States), but these guys obviously know their power metal. They strike me as most power metal bands do – the backing music is usually kickass, it’s just the vocals you have to get used to. The voice here reminds me of Iced Earth (Matt Barlow at times, Ripper Owens at others) and since I’m a big fan of that band they didn’t take long for me to become accustomed to. They seem to drop most of the over-the-top, gay stuff that defines most power metal bands and simply keep the vocals, so that’s a good thing. This stuff is right up your alley if you dig power metal. Nothing to drop your pants and jerk off to, but still good nonetheless. 6

Desert Eagle: Well I wonder how high this album is going to score? Regardless, if you like power metal then you should check this album out. It’s nothing too spectacular, but shit, not everything can be. What to expect: falsettos, solos, cheese. Oh yeah they have a really stupid name too, in case you didn’t notice. 7

The Abyss: Heavy/power metal. The fuckers are probably German or Italian… Still, I’ve heard much more annoying bands then these guys. I sometimes get some Rage-vibes, which is a plus. Rage rules. Brainstorm… Well, they leave me with absolutely no feelings or memories whatsoever after 51 min of music. Can’t be a good sign. 4

Syrrok: Liquid Monster – Give me a fucken break! Really? Brainstorm? Liquid Monster? How the hell does this even make it to our list? Is there anything different with this power metal bullshit? Nope. 2

Derek: These guys almost had me when the album started up with some heavy groove. Then the ball-less power metal vocals sank in; OK, fine, I can deal with this. Then the music faded out and some announcer reminded me what album / band I was listening to. Out of spite, I stopped the album from playing, set it on fire, extinguished the ashes with my piss, fed the remnants to a starving dog, then burned the dog and buried it in a landfill. The world is now a better place. I’ve left liquid monsters more interesting than this on tube socks. 3

Imperial: This grave is my poem Imperial: This grave is my poem

3.8 /10

Lord K: What is it with all the fucken crappy bands getting a record-deal when bands like 2 Ton Predator can’t fucken score one? The record-industry can eat my cum. And Imperial can do the same. “This grave is my poem”, huh? “This album sucks ape-penis” is more like it. 2

Farlus: Okay, I’m pretty sure these guys are hardcore, although I thought Nightrage was hardcore so take my words with a grain of salt. When I first started listening, I said “Great, a hardcore band…” but unlike every other hardcore band I’ve heard, this band never lapsed into the gay clean emo vocals with the poppy guitar lines. They continued to crush and destroy in a hardcore manner. They utilize clean vocals on a couple of the songs, but not in the way 99% of hardcore bands do. If only everyone else in that scene would follow this band’s example, then Victory Records wouldn’t be the worst label on the planet. If you dig the music of hardcore but would like to see the gay vocals replaced by more screams/growls, this is your band. 6
( Can someone please fucken give Farlus a hardcore-album so he finally understands what that fucken genre sounds like… – Lord K )

Desert Eagle: Since so much of this CD sucks I’ll go over the list of things that don’t suck since that’ll take less space. 1) I didn’t have to buy it. Yep that’s about it. 3

The Abyss: A metalcore band from Florida with some whiny clean vocals snuck in between the regular screaming vocals. Need I say more? But to be fair, Imperial isn’t totally hopeless. There’s some tiny traces of Gothenburg-death and heavy metal-harmonies here and there. Just a shame everything is extraordinarily unoriginal. Fuck off and go back to the label/planet (Pluto) you came from. 3

Syrrok: I literally burned this album to a CD and threw it out my car window the same day. But I hit an Asian walking on the sidewalk so perhaps the “fate” of that experience will create a new metalhead. 2

Derek: This band reminds me of Killswitch Engage and AFI. In my case, that’s a good thing. The music does get a bit cheerily melodic, but someone starts yelling soon enough that you have no fear of catching “the gay”. It’s catchy, in a good way; like watching some guy get kicked down the stairs at a soccer game—a guilty pleasure. 7

Fozzy: All that remains Fozzy: All that remains

3.8 /10

Lord K: Chris Jericho is a good wrestler and he can obviously do some music too. Better than The Bushwackers, worse than The Rock. I didn’t expect shit and was quite suprised with this. 5

Farlus: I guess this album is Fozzy’s attempt at being a serious band, but I just can’t take any band seriously that has a professional wrestler, especially Chris Jericho, as a singer. I can’t believe people like Zakk Wylde and Marty Friedman bothered to contribute at all to this lump of garbage. I’d rather watch sweaty guys in spandex fondle each other for four hours a week than listen to this ever again. Oh wait, I already do. Thanks, WWE. 1

Desert Eagle: Eh, I give them an E for effort. I admit part of me wants to hate this band solely because Jericho from WWE is in it. However they do have some sick guitarwork so bonus points right there. Plus Rich Ward’s vocals are pretty good too so it’s not all bad. 6

The Abyss: A band with a stupid name featuring members from a band noone care about and with a wrestler on vocals. Doesn’t exactelly sound like a recipie for success eh? You’re right, this isn’t very good although Fuzzys mix of nu-metal, blues-based metal and pop in all honesty could be ALOT worse… maybe. But when Jericho starts to rap in “The Test”, I just don’t know how they could pollute this bowl of donkey-feces more! I’m sure Fonzie will be a big hit on the American airwaves and MTV… personally, I will never listen to this boring crap ever again. 2

Syrrok: This is what happens when a joke band takes itself seriously. Its like Chris Jericho is Lion Taming your ears! (WHILE SCREAMING) 3

Derek: Despite being an avid wrestling fan, a Canadian, and a fan of Chris Jericho, this is my first time listening to Fozzy. I actually listened to The Macho Man’s rap album and it scared me away from wrestler music, and old men who enjoy snapping into Slim Jims. Luckily Fozzy doesn’t involve any middle-aged men rapping about Hulk Hogan and keeping it real, just Chris Jericho and Rich Ward busting out some standard hard rock. Decent, catchy, amusing, and if that’s really Jericho screaming on “Born of Anger”, I’ll add a point. 6

Paradise Lost: Paradise Lost Paradise Lost: Paradise Lost

3.8 /10

Lord K: Wake me up when it’s over. This shit makes me very drousy. 3

Farlus: I’ve listened to this album twice now (an accomplishment for AA, to say the least) and I still don’t know what to think. Like most of the other bands on this thing I haven’t followed Paradise Lost much, but I was under the impression that they were supposed to be depressing, moody music like Katatonia or somesuch… Sure, some of the songs sound a bit like that, but for the most part I don’t get that feel from it. After two whole listens, all I can think is “eh”. So there’s my reivew of this album. “Eh”. 4

Desert Eagle: So this band used to be pretty damn good. Then they thought, “Well we’re tired of kicking ass so lets try something different.” There’s nothing wrong with wanting to try something new. Well actually there is. When that something new is sucking, then I have a problem with it. What we have here is wussy goth rock. If that’s your kind of thing, you should be shot. 3

The Abyss: I loved “Symbol of life” and this is a continuation in the same vein, only a bit more guitar-heavy. The only thing lacking is… well-written, catchy songs. Paradise Lost are capable of so much better. 6

Syrrok: Oh! So this is the ONE album they have finally decided to self title. Such a ballsy move on a bands part – to self title an album. That either means you believe this is your best work, or you’ve given up trying to put any kind of intelligence into your writing. This music makes goats jump off cliffs. 2

Derek: I honestly have no idea if I like this or not. It’s boring, but I keep listening to it. I feel like a retard being led around by a Twinkie on a string. It’s like that really good song is just out of reach. Then the disc ends. These guys should stay lost, too! (I hereby give myself an extra cleverness point for using the same joke twice!) 5

Origin: Echoes of decimation Origin: Echoes of decimation

3.3 /10

Lord K: Origin are too weird for their own good. Hell,they are too weird for everyone’s good. Impressive as a deke by Peter Forsberg as far as musicianship goes, but it doesn’t come across as very listenable. Too much calculating, too little groove. 4

Farlus: Seems like just your standard “br00tal” death metal. I didn’t even realize the album had ended when it did. Guess it wasn’t interesting enough to keep my attention. 3

Desert Eagle: I really can’t complain about this album. I mean, sure it sucks but there were a bunch of good ones this month so at least I didn’t have my spirit crushed with all bad albums like last month. But yeah, if you like by-the-books grind/death, then enjoy! 4*

The Abyss: “GRRRUUUUUUH!” Well-played über-technical American death metal with low and high growls and lots of triggered drums and miniscule songwriting-skills. Yawn. Next please! 4

Syrrok: If Dinosaurs farted metal and humans then named those farts, they’d call it “Origin, Echoes of Decimation.” Dinosaur fart-metal at it’s best. 1

Derek: Echoes is a good name; I keep hearing the same sound over and over again. Drum trigger clicks and gargling. This album has one speed, as-fast-as-fucking-possible, and it stays at that speed until it ends. There’s only so many times you can skullfuck someone before they get annoyed and they’re all like “can you at least sodomize me with a pair of salad tongs or something”. I think… The point is, brutality is boring if it’s the same thing over and over again. This album sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. 4

Six Feet Under: 1 Six Feet Under: 13

3.2 /10

Lord K: Six Feet Under is probably one of the worst bands on this planet, ever. Chris Barnes is not a vocalist, he’s a fucken joke. And so is everything else about this band. I rather put a ton of sand in my vagina than listen to this bullshit ever again. Fuck off. Fuck off forever. Please? 1

Farlus: I’m not supposed to like this album. I’m not supposed to like this album. I’m not…AHHHH THIS ALBUM FUCKING RULES!!!! Chris Barnes is still an asshat douchefag that needs to be pinned down and raped by a pride of lions… twice, but I can’t stop banging my head. Fuck. Damn you, Six Feet Under. You’re supposed to suck. 8

Desert Eagle: C is for cookie, that’s good enough for me. 2

The Abyss: Someone unaccustomed to death metal may believe that SFU deliver high-quality, blistering, heavy well-written, well-sung metal. They are wrong. 1

Syrrok: This band obviously LOVES numbers, SO I’LL GIVE THEM A NUMERICAL EQUATION TO SOLVE! 13 – 12 = Your rating, you shitmerchants. WE’RE NOT BUYING! ROAR (that’s the sound of my ears still being lion-tamed thanks to Fozzy)! 1

Derek: Chris Barnes and co. are back, and not a single covered AC/DC song in sight; already good news. Everything sounds solid musically, although Barnes sounds like he should maybe fire-up the bong after his recording sessions – his voice is pretty shabby these days. All in all a decent album, and a lot better than I ever expected from Six Feet Under. Points deducted for the song title “Deathklaat”, whatever the fuck that means. Less made up words, more chainsaw sodomy next time. 6

Running Wild: Rogues en vogue Running Wild: Rogues en vogue

3.2 /10

Lord K: Someone sink this sorry ass ship. 2

Farlus: This album makes me feel like I’m back in 1981 sporting long, undercut hair and a sporty headband, using one hand to close a nostril to snort some cocaine while using the other hand to hold my Budweiser with vintage logo, and getting a knobjob from two groupies complete with poof perms and acid washed jeans. ROCK ‘N’ ROLL, FUCKERS! 8

Desert Eagle: What the fuck. 1

The Abyss: It’s really hard to not make a pirate-reference when talking about Running Wild. Mostly because there’s not much else remotely interesting going on with Rock ‘n’ Rolf and his heavy metal crew these days. Their creative boat sank after “Black hand inn” and Rolf’s been treading the same waters ever since. 5

Syrrok: I’m going out on a limb and saying this is easily K’s favorite album of this month’s AA. It’s brutal, heavy, balls-the-fuck-out heavy metal! Or it’s none of those things! 1

Derek: Who would have thought it would have been possible; power metal and 80s pop rock, breeding together like two lepers, creating the cheesecore spawn known as Running Wild? There’s enough syrupy content to give you diabetes, and enough power metal effeminism to cause a defensive clenching in anyone’s ass. Corny? I feel like I’ve be raped with the whole cob, while guys in 80’s clothes jerked off in my hair. 2