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Global Domination | Audio Autopsy | Audio Autopsy - August 2007

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Audio autopsy

Audio Autopsy - August 2007

01/08/07  ||  Global Domination

Amorphis: Silent waters Amorphis: Silent waters


Lord K: I haven’t heard Amorphis in a long, long time. You could say that I lost interest in them as they turned all The Doors on us. They still sound the same as I remember them, only this time it’s something about them that catches me a little. It might be the killer vocals, it might be the crack. One thing that I know it’s not is the slow, über-boring tracks. Take those away and create more material in the vein of the opener, “Weaving the incantation”, and you’d score high as fuck with me here on AA. 7

Ripper Bendix: Amorphis and Paradise Lost alike are bands I dig for a while and then forget about until I happen to stumble across a new output by sheer chance. Last album I heard from Amorphis was “Tuonela”, and I loved it to peaces. Then they kinda drifted into oblivion (popped up in an AA a year ago, didn’t they?) and now they show up again just (and this is not really a bold guess) to drift into obscurity again within two days. The opener kicks shit though, and for now I like the album a bit more than average. 6

Syrrok: Terrific anniversary sunset music. What that means is that the perfect setting for “Dark Waters” is with your beloved while drinking white wine on a cliff, overlooking the Pacific Ocean. I know this because I did it, and it fucken just worked somehow. Plenty of interludes mixed with totally non-Opeth sounding hard parts. 6

Hanging Limbs: If Amorphis stopped making records, would the world notice? I’ve not heard a single note of these guys since “Tuonela” was released… no joke. This album makes me think I’ve been missing out. 7

Stephen Fallen: It has been over a decade since Amorphis has done anything truly noteworthy, but “Silent Waters” should break that trend. For the first time ever, the band’s melodeath side is in balance with their fruity rock side. It’s a comfortable medium between “Tales from the Thousand Lakes” and “Elegy”. Party like it’s 1996! 8

Fishermane: Amorphis now seem to be pretty comfortable with their new sound. As always, the songwriting is commendable but unfortunately, I’ve never managed to get accustomed to the cleaner vocals. Aside from this personal setback, I did enjoy most of “Silent Waters”. Unless you’re a transsexual who doesn’t like Amorphis, you should also enjoy this. 7

Nile: Ithyphallic Nile: Ithyphallic


Lord K: Someone should bitchslap Nile for naming a song “Papyrus Containing the Spell to Preserve Its Possessor Against Attacks From He Who Is in the Water”. Nile’s death metal is on par with the ambition that went into that title, though. They are definitely a unique death metal band with a sound they can claim their own. It takes some time to really understand what they are doing, but if/when you eventually get there – it’s quite a trip. 7

Ripper Bendix: Nile bore the fucken shit straight out of me. Yes, I am actually THAT fucken numb that a massacre like Nile fucken BORES me. Besides that, the Egypt schtick gets on my goddamned nerves. Can I give this fucken album a very low score just because of personal preference? Sure! But I won’t because I had an awesome early morning crap and feel double plus good. Probably because I had a papyrus protecting its possessor against hemorrhoids and intestinal fissures. Die Rache Krieglied der Ass-yrische. Bwahahaha. 7

Syrrok: Rarely can a band go back to a grittier, less refined sound and win me over. Nile’s music appears to be the diamond in Tijuana for such things. Tijuana diamonds are rough. And tough. And just as priceless because of their precise skill. 7

Hanging Limbs: To quote Dathan from “The Ten Commandments”: “Where’s your Moses now?”. Answer: Probably on Mt. Sinai listening to “Black Seeds of Vengeance”. 5

Stephen Fallen: Nile deserves kudos for making quality death metal, sticking to their cool Egyptian gimmick and the penis themed album title. “Ithyphallic” is another good album from a band that is usually worth listening to. 7

Fishermane: Ithyphallic… I’m really curious as to what pushed Sanders to settle upon such a title. I just can’t believe that there used to exist an ancient Mesopotamian cult that worshipped, well you know… Look it up. Either way, this is pretty intense shit, as usual with Nile. 7

Deathchain: Cult of death Deathchain: Cult of death


Lord K: These Finns got their gonorrhea down to the core. Extremely competent death with all the ingredients needed to make this a fine dish of fucken metal. 7

Ripper Bendix: 7 instant points just for BEING fucken Deathchain, plus 1 for the album equals 8 fucken points. Go suck a fucken dick if you disagree with me. 8

Syrrok: I’m really surprised to have found out that these guys had the budget to shoot a video. Sure, the video is nothing more than 5 guys being tough in black in one of the band member’s garage, but the camera rentals must’ve been a pretty penny at least. I guess I just don’t understand the drawing power of typical run-o-the-mill death metal bands that seem to “get a pass” if somehow they stick around for a few years. The burrito I just had moved me more than this album. 3

Hanging Limbs: A wild, fun ride that unfortunately makes a pit stop in Unmemorableville. 5

Stephen Fallen: Is the Deathchain anything like the food chain? Are the deaths of a thousand tiny ants required for death of a single anteater? I hope so. Oh, and if anyone cares, Deathchain is an above average death metal band, simmering in some thrashy juices. 6

Fishermane: “We are the cult of death, we keep the place alive!”. How cute, haha. But what a fucking great song. At times, the doubled mid/low vocals and fierce riffing remind me of what good Deicide used to sound like. Admirable release, especially the title track. 7

Souldrainer: Reborn Souldrainer: Reborn


Lord K: Tastefully arranged semi-brutal and melodic (borderline “doom” if you will) metal with nice keyboards backing everything up. Definitely holding a good groove at times together with a great production and memorable riffs. Souldrainer is doing damn fine and I’m pleasantly surprised. 7

Ripper Bendix: Second to last band in my AA list and I am actually pleasantly surprised. Have a fruit roll-up… 6

Syrrok: As mentioned in my full-length review, a worthy effort if only for their ability to add some black metal atmosphere with a sludgy and death metal attitude. I’m definately more than alright with this one. 7

Hanging Limbs: Get your nightcap and prepare to go shluffy! 4

Stephen Fallen: Souldrainer features a couple of dudes from sexy GD bands Aeon and Sanctification, as well the vocalist from the criminally underrated Chastisement. Of course, those bands don’t have much in common with the low key, downcast melodeath found on “Reborn”. These guys have potential, but I’m not ready for a long-term relationship at the moment 6

Fishermane: “Reborn” is basically compelling semi-melodic death with nice raspy midgrowls and engaging (yet from far overwhelming) synth work. Of course, I doubt I’d be able to manage to sit through every song on here back-to-back, but the title track goes pretty hard, not to mention the passionate closer “Angel Song”. 6

King Diamond: Give me your soul... please King Diamond: Give me your soul… please


Lord K: What’s with the fucken “please” in the title? Evil guys don’t say “please”. I don’t know about King Diamond, man. He’s obviously done some classic stuff in the past (way, way past, that is). It’s prolly a trip to read his stories for the albums, the guy is definitely creative with his lyrics, but I’m not rating lyrics here. “Give me your penis… please” is a decent hard rock album, but it’s not an “Abigail”, though it has its moments. And someone, please teach Mr. King how the fuck to do a proper make up. 5

Ripper Bendix: A solid output by the keening Dane and his affiliated cronies. Not as good as his last outputs but still no fucken stinker. Stay tuned for my in-depth review of this album and don’t open the fucken door – it could be Grandma. 7

Syrrok: I have troubled giving this guy the credit most do. His work has never appealed to me. Much like this latest effort, the songs just seem to fade on and on and on. That Mercyful Fate gusto and determination was lost long ago. 4

Hanging Limbs: There aren’t too many BAD albums King Diamond has made, but many of them hang out together in Good-But-Nothing-Special-Land. This is one of his only recent albums that I actually planned to listen to because of the fake drumming controversy, horrible album title, and supposedly awesome guitaring. It took a few listens, but color me impressed. 7

Stephen Fallen: Is King Diamond taking etiquette classes? In 1989, he would have demanded my soul. Now he requests it, like a book through inter-library loan. Kinda sad. Also sad (I guess), is that King’s trademark semi-castrato vocals are more tame than usual. “Give Me Your Soul… Please” is “Conspiracy” lite. 6

Fishermane: What do you think the King would do if you actually acquiesced and handed over your soul to him? Have a few drinks, throw on his Roberto Cavalli pants and do the “soul shake” with ya? Dress it up as Tony Danzy and re-enact his favorite scenes from “Who’s the boss”? Actually, my first experience with the King has been fairly pleasant. Nice guitars, catchy songs and vocals that just ooze with sheer manliness. Rock it hard. 6

Entombed: Serpent saints Entombed: Serpent saints


Lord K: Well, the title track and “When in Sodom” are 2 killer tracks. Most of the others feel like fillers. If you need a more in-depth opinion on this, go check out the full coverage that I did some time back. 7

Ripper Bendix: I own and like one of their albums and that is “Left Hand Path”. Man, that Ripper dude. What an ignorant asshole! 5

Syrrok: I am so damn down with this new album by the Entombed kids. Bludgeoning rhythms, terrific choruses, and an attitude of a band who finally owned up to their true selves. Straightforward fucken great stuff. 7

Hanging Limbs: Another band I haven’t heard in a reeeeeeeaaaaaaally long time, but unlike Amorphis, I’m not stricken with the feeling that I’ve missed out. 4

Stephen Fallen: I love the comically intense guest-line from “Masters of Death”: “You can’t kill what’s already dead. You can’t!” I believe you dude, take it easy. I don’t love the Kool-Aid Man chants of “OOOhhh! AAAYYYY!” in the same song (everyone remembers that 90’s ad campaign, right?). I’m giving this a five, but you can add a point if you really like sodomy. 5

Fishermane: Haven’t listened to the ‘Tomb in years so it’s not like I had any (let alone high) expectations for this, but I must admit I’m left rather unimpressed considering these guys are veterans. Go back to doing the reptile dance, you crazy Swedes! 6

Arkhon Infaustus: Orthodoxyn Arkhon Infaustus: Orthodoxyn


Lord K: Staffer Zach hates this band with a passion, which can be seen on this site in a little while. I don’t quite understand why, becoz I think Arkhon’s death/black metal is fine by all means. Sure, they are French, French people wear berets and eat frog legs like it’s today’s special. And their women don’t know how to shave their armpits, which should be reason enough to completely bash the fucklights out of Arkhon’s music. But we are more professional than that (yeah, right…). Arkhon’s a fine act, by all means. 7

Ripper Bendix: Orthodoxyn, underbyxor. Arkhon, Lhord Kh. Rhipper, Fhrance, Eihfelltowerxon. Well, at least they are with Osmose and not fucken Adipocere Records and know how to fucken hold their instruments. Good one! And their band logo reminds me a bit of a certain zombie clan symbol. A bit. 6

Syrrok: I found myself quite pummeled by the sounds on “Orthodoxyn”. The combination of rather poor production and some very slow parts to break up the noisy black madness has a rattlin’ effect on my fucken brain. Terrific basement Hot Topic party music. 3

Hanging Limbs: To quote Barry from “Resident Evil”: “What? What is this?”. 3

Stephen Fallen: Here’s some sludgy, slow black/death metal stuff, crawling from the depths of a fetid French quagmire. The first three songs are really good, but the second half fails to keep pace. I’ll chuck “Orthodoxyn” into the recycle bin, but maybe keep an eye on the band’s future releases. 5

Fishermane: I recently dated a French girl named Arkhon who, interestingly enough, had a vicious lil’ sausage dog called Infaustus. She was uglier than a flaming sasquatch (the drink), dressed in army fatigues and spelt fruit as “froot”. She did however introduce me to “Orthodoxyn”, a nice mix of death/black metal that showcases potential, even though I still fed it to Infaustus. 6

Nightingale: White Darkness Nightingale: White Darkness


Lord K: Prog rock, executed well, great production and a fuckload of cheese. That is Nightingale in a cheese-shell. 4

Ripper Bendix: “White Darkness”? What the hell? I am being smothered with fluffy cotton balls and shitloads of greasy kitsch. 3

Syrrok: The ability of a man by the name of Swanö is yet to be matched. How he goes this direction is sort of a mystery to the metal world. Or maybe just to me. Being one for metal cheese n’ all, I had no problem with this Nightingale effort. The fact that it is done with such sincerity is another shining attribute of the album. Let the unicorns fly! 6

Hanging Limbs: Watch me! 6

Stephen Fallen: Dan somethingorother, the vocalist/guitarist and keyboardist for Nightingale is an okay talent, but it’s sorta wasted on this batch of short, prog-rock inspired metal songs. At times, “White Darkness” is subversively catchy, but it’s ultimately unsatisfying. 5

Fishermane: “White Darkness”? Everybody loves a good oxymoron these days. I got another one: “Nightingale vocals that don’t sound gay”. Of course, this is entirely acceptable, let alone expected, considering what these guys are trying to accomplish. The music is truly impressive so if you’re into this kind of prog/metal/rock, acknowledge the true beauty of the oxymoron and indulge in “White Darkness”, you intelligent GD reader, you! 6

Vintersorg: Solens rötter Vintersorg: Solens rötter


Lord K: Everyone and their fag-brother is raving about how goddamned talented this guy is. It makes absolutely no fucken sense whatsoever. Vintersorg suck monkey cock. In all fucken areas, including the insanely terrible vocals. I hope he never gets to record anything, ever again. Quasi-intellectual, red wine drinking, ball-eating bullshit. 2

Ripper Bendix: Are you ready for intellectual, pseudo avantgarde, mindwanking bullshit? Here it comes! This kind of wannabe highbrow nonsense gets on my fucken balls. You are a fucken musician, ok? Musicians usually don’t have a lot to say outside the musical universe. Musicians make music. PERIOD. Musicians are not, I repeat, NOT the louder descendants of the Greek philosophers or something. Make music and shut the fuck up. Or even better: stop making music and shut the fuck up. This does not exclusively point at Vintersorg but at many other bands as well. 2

Syrrok: I love this type of folky black death metal go to war viking stuff. This album will hold its place in the rotation for some time, I can tell. I mean, it’s just some motherfucking character in music, is it really that hard? Great artistic direction in this band. So you’ll either dig that direction or not. I’m cool with it. 7

Hanging Limbs: Say… isn’t this the guy that ruined Borknagar? Some pretty tasty drum programming here, but he needs to scream more because his clean vocals are lame. Otherwise, this isn’t that bad. 5

Stephen Fallen: I’ve never heard Vintersorg before, but I always suspected that I’d like them… and I do. I have no idea how “Solens Rötter” stands up to previous material, but on its own it is a hell of a good release. First impressions point to a black metal Jethro Tull; raspy growls off-set Vint’s wonderful singing and acoustic guitars contrast heavy electric ones. Probably not for everyone, but definitely for me.8

Fishermane: Abraham Lincoln once said: “If A is success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping your fucking mouth shut. Especially in regards to clean vocals, ok Vintersorg?” (Ok, so I added that last sentence. And the “fucking”. But that’s it.) 4

Abigor: Fractal possession Abigor: Fractal possession


Lord K: This is my first encounter with Ass-Igor (unknown Sepultura twin) and for some reason I expected some badly produced black metal. Ass-Igor’s not black metal, they are a very, very weird band. Innovative song writing (aka “a mess”) together with fuck-strange electronics and odd sounds… Ass-Igor are too obscure for their own good. 5

Ripper Bendix: Iiiiiigor! Iiiiiigoooorrrrrr!! Hand me the brainssss for my monstrous abomination! Not my fucken cup of tea – not even fucken close. NEXT! 4

Syrrok: This is the band where forum members get their panties in twist if you don’t know that the guitar player of Abigor was formerly friends with a guy in Immortal, who took guitar lessons from some guy in Celtic Frost, and who drank milk shakes with Gorgoroth. While all that sounds really fun, these tunes don’t. 3

Hanging Limbs: When did these guys stop listening to Kvist demos and start listening to Dödheimsgard? Much more experimental than I remember them being. The nods to DHG and Mayhem’s “Grand Declaration of War” are nice, but the album is still sort of boring. 5

Stephen Fallen: I’ve never heard Abigor before, but word on the street is they did some good black metal in the 90’s. Whatever they were, the Abigor of now is a spastic, though inconsistent industrial/black metal band. The BM side is good, but when they go all Blut Aus Heimsgard, things fall apart. I think I’ll listen to the Roots and read some Chinua Achebe instead. 5

Fishermane: “Fractal Possession” has its moments (I really enjoyed the electronic parts) but unfortunately, the release as a whole doesn’t seem to hold up. If the next release turns out more focused with improved songwriting (plus nude pics in the booklet), I’m sold. 6

Dream Theater: Systematic chaos Dream Theater: Systematic chaos


Lord K: I absolutely loved “Pull me under” and “Ytsejam” back in the day. Dream Theater’s never been able to write anything remotely as good since. They keep getting lost in weird time signatures and the urge to show off their musicianship. We all know you are about the most talented bunch of musicians out there. Now concentrate on writing good tunes and you’ll be fine. Oh, and nice The Cranberries theft in the intro of “The ministry of lost souls”. 4

Ripper Bendix: Oh, shut the fuck up, lads. We know you can fucken play! Didn’t DT used to be able to write fucken songs? Guess I am still not prog enough to fucken “get” this. 4

Syrrok: So, my heavy metal lead singer says to me the other day:

- Dude, I downloaded some Dream Theater show and watched in on my big screen. I was BLOWN AWAY!
- Really?, I responded.
- Yeah! Those guys are fucken nuts on their instruments!
- Yeah, they’re pretty good. So you actually liked the tunes?
- Oh, fuck no. They were awful! It was just fun to watch!

That kinda sums up this new album of theirs. Only there is nothing to watch. 4

Hanging Limbs: I wouldn’t be surprised if I am the only Dream Theater fan at this site. Although still a good listen, this disc is nowhere near their best work. 6

Stephen Fallen: Forced to cover Dream Theater for his very first AA, Stephen could sense the cruel hand of Fate twisting events in order to punish him. How had he garnered the scorn of so powerful a deity? Clueless and despondent, he climbed a baleful mountain and cried out, “Lay your geas upon me harsh mistress, that I may redeem myself!”. No answer forthcoming, he scrawled these words into the living rock and leapt to his death: “Metal without balls. Prog without innovation. Way too fucking long”. 4

Fishermane: Apparently, the track “Forsaken” (most probably the next single), is a first person account of a man being visited by a vampiress during his sleep. “Look in my eyes and take my hand, give yourself up to me” she says. Maybe I’m just too shallow but no matter how good these guys are, I can’t fucking take this seriously. Stick to writing songs about bagels, guys… 5

Darkest Hour: Deliver us Darkest Hour: Deliver us


Lord K: Hey Darkest Hour. At The Gates called. They think you fucken suck. I agree. 3

Ripper Bendix: Isn’t this band like, fucken old and established? Isn’t this kind of music completely against my taste? Aren’t you fed up with the rhetorical questions by now? Man, it must kinda suck to have been around forever and having the copycats harvest the fucken loot and ending up being hated for the kind of shit you’ve been doing since the big bang because the fad is over. Curse you, universe! Currseee you! Curse you for making Teh Suckage stay Teh Suckage no matter how often or long it’s been played! 3

Syrrok: This band is in a holding pattern, forever holding the 2nd opening slot for better acts until they find something new to say with their sound. And a new way to say it. This album sounded EXACTLY as I thought it would. Extremely predictable. I love that characteristic from most bands (and most 80’s sitcom TV stars – especially Face from A-Team), but in this case it didn’t work. Darkest Hour could use some light. And with that, goodnight (picture a 1920’s ventriloquist act right now). 5

Hanging Limbs: Darkest Hour were doing the Gothenburg-core thing way before it became trendy, but they don’t do enough here to elevate themselves above the horde that followed in their footsteps. I’m still a fan and “Deliver Us” is still a very good listen, but will ultimately be lost in the metalcore sauce. Listen to “Undoing Ruin” instead. 6

Stephen Fallen: DH’s first two albums were outstanding examples of American metalcore, but something horrible happened on the way to “Deliver Us”. This album lacks the energy of previous works and attempts to make up for it with really shitty clean singing. Fission Mailed guys, because John Henry may have been a steel drivin’ man, but he can’t sing for shit. 4

Fishermane: I wonder what’s more painful: listening to the same old shite from generic mediocre metal bands every month or trying to write up the same predictable, recycled comments to accompany them. Or as a reader, actually having to read them. I vote: cheese cake, yay! 4

Devildriver: The last kind words Devildriver: The last kind words


Lord K: It’s interesting how alot of bands try so hard to be just that, hard, but ultimately ends up sounding tired and rehashed. Devildriver is exactly one of those bands. And I always hated Dez Falafel with a passion, ever since he tried to be a Korn-clone with suck-ass band Coal Semen. 3

Ripper Bendix: I don’t know what to think of a band with a name reminding me of a toolbox. Hehehe…. toolbox. Actually I just found the perfect one-word review for this devildrivel yawnfest: Toolbox. 3

Syrrok: It’s nice to see Devildriver make the attempt to stray from the mainstream (in their own special way), but ya know, maybe they should just cash in and sell out. This is one of the times I think it would work out. Real metal fans won’t accept you and non-metal fans are still afraid of you. Find the middle and push through with this stuff. 4

Hanging Limbs: If country metal becomes a trend in 2008, expect Devildriver’s next album to have pedal steel. 4

Stephen Fallen: Devildriver gets a lot of crap for being a trendy cash grab, and they should. I think they’re better than a lot of the other trendy cash grabbers and they should get credit for that as well. This album is as sure to please the newbs as it to piss off the older guys. Me? I’m just glad it’s not Clawfinger. 6

Fishermane: Devildriver aren’t as bad as you might expect, despite the ex-affiliation to Bowl Chamber. It’s still not as good as Re-Flex though (Devildriver: 0 , forgotten New Wave band: 1). The politics of dancing! 5

Clawfinger: Life will kill you Clawfinger: Life will kill you


Lord K: Zak Tell must go. 3

Ripper Bendix: Yeah, okay. Usually there’s one song on each Clawfinger album that I like. I obviously am too old for the band now because the songs I used to like got terribly silly to me over the last couple of years, and I can’t find a single damn good song on this one here. Stop rapping for fucks sake.3

Syrrok: Always some very original lads. I think they want to rap REALLY bad. I don’t have much of a critique for this album other than I probably will never listen to it again. 4

Hanging Limbs: To quote Palmer from John Carpenter’s “The Thing”: “You gotta be fucking kidding!”. 2

Stephen Fallen: This album’s foul visage clings to my mind like an aural parasite, draining me of even the energy to insult it. Clawfinger is the total package of terrible hip-hop/metal mash-ups, replete with boring riffs, whack-ass beats and manure-rap flows. I only made it through “Life Will Kill You” by daydreaming about a collaboration between Devin Townsend and MF Doom. 2

Fishermane: While fairly unscrupulous, ignorant and frivolous as a critic, I’m also usually quite tolerant. However, the vocals on this are appalling. Sporadic touches of catchy songwriting emerge here and there, but this quasi-rapping shite has to go. Lord K was spot-on with his review. And for the record, his new look as a persecuted hippie is fantastic. Great makeover, Lord! 3

Oceans Of Sadness: Mirror palace Oceans Of Sadness: Mirror palace


Lord K: I don’t even know how the fuck this band ended up on AA, it must have been a very slow month for more “known” bands. Oceans Of Sadness takes a pinch of Opeth arrangements, a shovel of shit vocals, a bag of crappy riffs and a whole lot of terrible drumming for the fast parts. And I guess they call themselves “unique” or something when they actually just suck. 2

Ripper Bendix: This is not how decent music works, boy! 2

Syrrok: Aside from some strangely nice gallop-ey type parts, I have no idea what these guys are trying to achieve. “Oceans Of Sadness” is a moniker that will sell them a lot of shirts outside of the venue when kids are waiting for their moms to pick them up, but it won’t do a damn thing for this album. 3

Hanging Limbs: I hope a language barrier is responsible for this band’s name because they have no one but themselves to blame for the boring pie they baked on this album. 3

Stephen Fallen: This is an absolute murderer’s row of awful; Bad singing, overwrought keyboards, riffs straight from the bargain barrel and an over-produced sound. Worse, these bastards cover and absolutely wreck classic Alice In Chains tune “Them Bones”. It’s like they mailed me a turd sandwich, then hopped on a plane to America and slapped me in the face with it. 2

Fishermane: Oceans of Sadness? Look at you guys, sitting in the dark, writing songs about palaces while drooling over your glow-in-the-dark map of Atlantis. You’re fucking pathetic… 3