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Global Domination | Audio Autopsy | Audio Autopsy - August 2012

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Audio autopsy

Audio Autopsy - August 2012

01/08/12  ||  Global Domination

Nile: At the gates of Sethu Nile: At the gates of Sethu


Lord K: I can truly appreciate the handiwork (and the song titles) which is as impressive as it gets, but Nile’s death metal cocktail is still way over my head, no matter how fucken amazingly delivered it obviously is. Egyptian Pro-Tools death metal, fuck! 6

Habakuk: Written chapter of appreciation for the preservation of the salubriousness that is Nile carved amongst the vulgar verses of domination ritually cast into stone every moon. 8

CadenZ: Last time Nile was on AA (in ’09) Karl Sanders and his fan-minions got butt-hurt because we gave his record above-average scores (including an 8 and a 7) and talked about “unrelated subjects” such as instrumental technicality and Egypt. What the fuck is wrong with these people? They are seriously, and I mean seriously, de-motivating. At least this Pharaoh-platter is above average, so maybe they’ll be happy… oh, wait. I’ll shave off a point ‘cause Karl’s a tool. Now bitch about it. Please. 6

Smalley: A few mildly concerning changes here, but you get used to ‘em eventually, and bands can’t change for the better 100% of the time, right? And the core here is still solid Nile material, so yeah, good shit here. Review. 8

BamaHammer: There are moments here that remind me of why I fell in love with Nile. There are also moments here that remind me of why I sort of fell out of love with Nile. Still pretty good though. 7

Sokaris: Nile seem to like to fuck with my expectations. “Annihilation of the wicked” is a goddamn classic but “Ithyphallic” was comparatively weak. “Those whom the gods detest” was a huge stride forward and now this one seems to be a step down. Ahh well, even in “step down” mode Nile is still excellent. 7

InquisitorGeneralis: “Sethu” shreds. Things are a bit toned down from “Those Whom the Gods Detest” and the production is not as skull-shattering. The grooves on here and sexy, and the songs manage to be interesting but still have the Nile feel… ov domination. Good job, Karl and Co. 8

Gojira: L'enfant sauvage Gojira: L’enfant sauvage


Lord K: Gojira’s one of those bands that one second shits out something amazing, just to leave me indifferent the next. But when they are spot-on, they are fucken spot-on. You could call them the Muse of metal. “Flying whales” is still their finest moment though. Will they ever top it? 7

Habakuk: Post Extreme Metal? Blast Beat Isis? Whatever it is, it’s done exceptionally well. 8

CadenZ: When you’re not in a hurry to the next riff, put thought and passion into honing the riff’s potential to max and execute it with precision and force – you get epicness. Gojira is French for “epic”. Actually, it’s not. But it should be. 8

Smalley: “Flying whales” is indeed Gojira’s finest moment, but “sauvage” is still more predictably good experimental metal yumminess from the froggy ones. Review. 8

BamaHammer: L’breakdown sausage. I hate this band. Over. Rated. 4

Sokaris: So these guys are a huge deal? This is like Mastodon all over; I don’t get what’s exceptional about this. 5

InquisitorGeneralis: I am really digging this crazy baby. Cool, weird moments help mix up the standard Gojira pummeling groove. Better than “Way of all Flesh”? I think so. 8

Ihsahn: Eremita Ihsahn: Eremita


Lord K: Obviously a talented guy, this one, as shown throughout his career. His solo stuff is leaving me a bit unmoved, though there’s no way you can deny the apparent quality of the work put in. 6

Habakuk: Honestly, I don’t see the greatness in this. A little out-there, sure, progressive yes, but ultimately not my thing. I’m not an Emperor fan either, though, if that has anything to say. 5

CadenZ: Darker and more oppressive than the bleak “After”, Ihsahn has made another monolithic and epic disc. In the true essence of progression, he doesn’t stand still but explores new territories of his mind. 8

Smalley: Another strong, passionate, creatively off-kilter solo effort from the ever-busy Ihsahn. Keep up the good work (and the weirdness!). Review. 8

BamaHammer: This is an album that’s sure to grow on me at least a little. As for right now, I’m still having digestive issues. 6

Sokaris: This bucks the trend of me liking each Ihsahn album slightly less. I really enjoyed the first one, it was a sort of metal salad of traditional, extreme and progressive strains. The prog took over and while the two follow-ups were strong, I miss that original sound. This is still nerdy metal for turtleneck wearers but I feel it’s a step up from last time around. 7

InquisitorGeneralis: I don’t really get this, but I also don’t hate it…which is a big fucken surprise. Still, I doubt I will listen to “Eremita” much more after this AA has gone away. 5

Dying Fetus: Reign supreme Dying Fetus: Reign supreme


Lord K: I never managed to get into Dying Fetus, but “Reign supreme” is a decent death’n‘grunt effort that sounds just like blistering, half-technical, blasting, decent death’n‘grunt efforts sound in 2012. Quite impressive at times, but also quite boring. 5

Habakuk: I can rant all day about the hideous guitar wankery parts, but this album still kills. Fetuses. 8

CadenZ: The techier bits are interesting, the stompy breakdown riffs not so much. I’ve heard better DF albums. 6

Smalley: Mostly average, mindless brutal DM. And “caveman grunting” is the least. 5

BamaHammer: Yep. It’s a Dying Fetus album. 6

Sokaris: Pretty middling stuff, I understand their appeal and all that but Dying Fetus always seemed just okay to me even if most of the bands they’ve inspired are garbage. 5

InquisitorGeneralis: Without a doubt I will give the highest rating on this panel of poopy pundits; my Fetus love aside this is another solid record by a band that is really hitting a good streak these days. Their live shows are killing it, and this record eases back on the technical aspects that dominated “Descent into Depravity”, has killer grooves, and has a much better production too. Win. 8

The Agonist: Prisoners The Agonist: Prisoners


Lord K: For a more analyzing report on this one, click me. The shorter version would be: a great album, but it’s no “Lullabies for a dormant mind”. Still it’s easily the best shit in this edition. Easily. 8

Habakuk: Competent melodic death with a girl singer. Do you like melodic death and girl singers? Please go back and pass K’s statement. Collect 200 dollars.6

CadenZ: When a chick does the clean vocals in this type of growl-clean-growl-clean style, it’s microscopically more OK. Still very gay. The songs’ hooks aren’t catchy enough so I’ll have to pass. Like Forsberg. 4

Smalley: Due to the weird vocals, this isn’t my cup ‘o metal tea at all. 5

BamaHammer: Love the chick vocals and sometimes amazing melodies. I’m still wanting more from the guitars for some reason to really send it over the top. Maybe next time. 8

Sokaris: I’m not normally one to participate in booing a band offstage but I can say that The Agonist is my sole exception. For some reason this writer and a handful of other assholes had to suffer through a miserable set from this band before Overkill as their godawful singer made excuses in between songs for being off-key. Anyway, I raised an eyebrow because this isn’t nearly as bad as their debut album. It’s actually mediocre, a HUGE step up for them. 4

InquisitorGeneralis: Don’t listen to Lord K, this band is lame. Nothing here grabs my attention; boring riffs, boring vocals, boring songs. 3

Amon: Liar in wait Amon: Liar in wait


Lord K: As mentioned in my review published earlier this month, Amon’s “Liar in wait” is a slab of completely sub-par death metal that you need not give much of a fuck about. And you wouldn’t to begin with hadn’t some of these guys played in Deicide at one point. 4

Habakuk: Oh, so this is in fact connected to Deicide? It sure sounds like them, but I had no idea the Hoffmann brothers had dug the name out again. Conservative but tasty food for death metallers. 7

CadenZ: One-minded like a gay rapist. Brutality and speed aside, Amon give us misplaced shredding and monotone pounding, albeit with some nice energy. 6

Smalley: Messy, droning, muddy-sounding Morbid Angel inspired DM. Except without giving us any of the good aspects of MA. 4

BamaHammer: By the numbers, competent death metal with nothing very interesting to offer. 5

Sokaris: Taking the pre-Deicide name for this was a douche move but I’m sure Glen Benton and company are karmatically due to be on receiving end of someone being an asshole. Good, solid death metal, no exciting adjectives here. Not going to blow many minds but it’s better than the last Deicide. 6

InquisitorGeneralis: Unless it has Amarth behind it, Amon is not pumping my boner. Nothing special about this slice of mediocre death metal. 4

Whitechapel: Whitechapel Whitechapel: Whitechapel


Lord K: These fuckos should be one of all those bands I truly despise, but for some reason I really take quite a bit of liking in them. I would just never admit it. Ignore this score, please. I have a reputation to think of. 7

Habakuk: Don’t wanna jump onto the hatewagon, but I can’t say this is too good, either. Too much of everything just sucks the life out of this. 5

CadenZ: Darker than I had imagined, this actually works in the brutal ways. The monotone growler needs to vary his pitch more and many riffs are pretty anonymous, but other than that this isn’t half as bad as I thought. It’s actually pretty good. 6

Smalley: Currently, Whitechapel seems to be the most famous metal act from my home state (hint: the cover here looks like our flag. Or, just go read their Wiki?). That doesn’t really depress me, but I’m sure not overjoyed at it either. 5

BamaHammer: Suckchapel. Boo-yah. 2

Sokaris: Time to roll my eyes again. Deathcore kiddies: just because your favorite fuckfaces brought their breakdown quota down a bit doesn’t make them automatically badass. In fairness this isn’t really terrible, there seems to be some songwriting effort and genuinely cool riffs. However the nu-metal influences abound and left hand turns into retard country are frequent. 5

InquisitorGeneralis: These guys have always been a cut above their deathcore compatriots… but still don’t do it for me. 4

Smashing Pumpkins: Oceania Smashing Pumpkins: Oceania


Lord K: “Siamese dream” could easily be one of the most underrated and appreciated rock albums ever. “Oceania” will not get the same fate though it’s a hella lot better than I ever thought it would be. Billy Corgan – suckin’ his own organ. POW! 5

Habakuk: Smashing Heads. Against walls. 2

CadenZ: Despite the awkward Dave Matthews moments this is passable but boring alternative pop rock. 4

Smalley: Not bad, and kind of intriguing, but I don’t think I was ever really part of The Pumpkins’ target audience (a fact that continues to be true), and I still don’t dig Billy’s voice at all. 6

BamaHammer: I have a real soft spot for this band. I was really into them in high school. Even though it’s 2012, they’ve still got a little something. 6

Sokaris: I’ve never really liked The Smashing Pumpkins, not even when I was a wee lad growing up in the early 90’s recording VHS tapes of alternative rock music videos from MTV (they used to have music on that channel, kids). That’s why I was shocked that I genuinely thought this was decent. Corgan sings from his mouth instead of his nose now! 6

InquisitorGeneralis: This dude I grew up with and I used to have huge arguments over who was better: Pearl Jam of The Pumpkins. I was a Pearl (Ass) Jammer back then. I now know Mother Love Bone destroys them both, and that I am still right. Nothing special here, just go listen to “Rhino” or “Siamese Dream” for your Billy C fix, it is really all you need. 4

Delain: We are the others Delain: We are the others


Lord K: Holland’s prolly the biggest breeding ground for female fronted cheese metal bands, and you all know how much I dig female fronted cheese metal bands. Delain’s doing this according to the guidelines, so naturally I can embrace this. It’s not blowing me away, but it’s working well as little more than background music. Also, I’m not sure what the chick looks like, but I am sure I’d pee in her butt. I don’t even know what that means. 6

Habakuk: Wow, a somewhat down-to-earth female fronted band? Sure it’s a little poppy, but in the end pretty enjoyable. 7

CadenZ: Gay, gayer, gayest, even more gayest, Delain, “Twilight”. 3

Smalley: Lush, but still just okay chick metal (it lacks balls, so to speak, heh). She has a pretty pleasant voice, at least, and this isn’t cheesy as certain other groups of the same ilk, though I could’ve done without the Burton C. Bell cameo. 5

BamaHammer: These guys make Lacuna Coil look really good. 3

Sokaris: Inoffensive but oh so dull. It’s another one of those faceless “we have a girl singing and didn’t think things through beyond that” bands. 3

InquisitorGeneralis: Chick-fronted metal fails again… and it is not the lady’s fault in this case. Boring and boring is how I describe this stuff. 3

Luca Turilli's Rhapsody: Ascending to infinity Luca Turilli’s Rhapsody: Ascending to infinity


Lord K: Luca Turilli’s Tragedy would be more like it. This is so wrong on so many levels, I don’t even know where the fuck to start… That’s quite an achievement. Horrendous. Absolutely horrendous. 1

Habakuk: To people who think the world needs more Italian orchestral power metal, I can recommend this profoundly, for it’s expertly executed. I can also recommend Tango with a chainsaw. 6

CadenZ: Vocalist Alessandro Cunti shines, and not just with his name and penis. Otherwise pretty boring symphonic neoclassical power metal. 5

Smalley: Holy shit, the camp factor on this one just broke the (Andy) Richter scale. If this is what the Rhapsody Of Fire split results in, maybe they all should’ve just called it quits? 2

BamaHammer: Epic movie score metal. Luca Turilli is a seriously talented guitarist, but the bottom line is that his stuff is just not very catchy when it’s this overly dramatic. 5

Sokaris: Luca, you fucking date rapist. I don’t normally go for this sort of thing but I thought, why not, I’ll give it a shot. I was interested and curious, sure, but that doesn’t give you the right to just get all over me and turn me into a Rhapsody fan. I’m gonna go cry, get in the shower and try not to sing one of the choruses to this album. Satan help me… 8

InquisitorGeneralis: Luca whateverthefuck Suckballs Rhapsody… Words cannot describe how much this completely blows dick to me. 1

Manowar: The lord of steel Manowar: The lord of steel


Lord K: Is it possible to even write one single sentence about Manowar without thinking “gay”? No, it isn’t. This is so ridiculous, so amazingly bad, so fantastically cheesy that it eventually ends up working if you see it as the humour/travesty it is. And congrats on the shittiest guitar sound in quite some time. Did you guys use a HM2 lined into a boombox to achieve it? I recognize the tone, coz I did the same thing. Back in 1988. Only difference is – my shit sounded awesome. This, not so much. Also, you do not mention the wig. EVER! 3

Habakuk: We drink a lot of beers!! And play our metal loud at night!! The only change is that the bass guitar is now sometimes distorted. Apart from that, you know what to expect. It’s stupid and solid. 7

CadenZ: BWZZZWWWZZZZWWWWZZ-WWWWWWWW. Ah, a bass solo record. What’s that in the background? Sounds like…Manowar. Stale, corny, over-the-top as always, albeit without catchy choruses. 4

Smalley: Impossible to take seriously or derive any sort of enjoyment from at all, except to laugh at it (and not with at all). 3

BamaHammer: The Lord Of Shit. In a loincloth. With an oiled up hairy chest. Of Steel. 2

Sokaris: The steel is fucken dull here. This band sounds so damn tired. It’s time to pack up the loincloths and become lords of the steel wheelchair. Also, you could get a better distorted bass sound by putting a piece of paper under the frets. 3

InquisitorGeneralis: The thing that has always stood out to me about Manover is that underneath the loincloths, epic album art, muscles, outlandish live shows, and tough-guy personas these guys are really a shitty heavy metal band who makes cheesy songs that suck… and for some reason people love them. Not me. 2

Lita Ford: Living like a runaway Lita Ford: Living like a runaway


Lord K: Can you see the sign that I hold up that says “I give a shit!”? No, you can’t, becoz here is no such sign. Can you tell me I have used this joke before? Yes you can, becoz I have. Maybe. 3

Habakuk: Really? Wow, I am impress. Kind of. Lita Ford, you say. How old is she again? 6

CadenZ: No, Lita, blowing me won’t make me grade your shit platter any higher. 2

Smalley: Dull, dated hard rock with wannabe “attitude”; I’ll pass. 4

BamaHammer: No way. Lita Ford is still alive? 2

Sokaris: Decent hard rock, definitely overly polished but there’s certainly some crunch. The title track is painful in its self-awareness though. Not much else to say here, most hard rock just sounds dull to these ears. 4

InquisitorGeneralis: Seeing Lita live did prove to me that she is a decent guitar player. Hearing this album proves to me that she can’t write a good heavy metal song for shit anymore. 2

The Murder Of My Sweet: Bye bye lullaby The Murder Of My Sweet: Bye bye lullaby


Lord K: Swedish disco “metal” with a chick on vocals. That’s bound to work with me. Frightening, huh? 7

Habakuk: For every death metal band we get what, three of these chick metal bands? Objection, your honor! Is there some lonely dude out there collecting all this shit, or why is this being produced? This band here sucks, by the way. 3

CadenZ: What is up with the moniker? Seriously? The Murder of My Sweet? Is that a euphemism for virgin rape? Bye bye fuck-a-pie. 2

Smalley: Yes K, that’s extremely frightening. 3

BamaHammer: Bye Bye. 2

Sokaris: Super pussified gothic metal that isn’t gothic or metal. 2

InquisitorGeneralis: Disco, metal, chicks… shit. 2

Spineshank: Anger denial acceptance Spineshank: Anger denial acceptance


Lord K: Repulsive. Just like yo’ momma! 2

Habakuk: It’s one day till deadline, and I have to listen to another Linkin Park band? Fuck this shit. 4

CadenZ: This album’s title says it all, regarding the emo and passive-aggressive genre. Anger: I SCREAM AT YOU! I HATE YOU! AGHH!! Denial: No, no, no, I didn’t mean it like that, here listen to this gay melody I’m singing so you understand that it comes from the heart! I love your penis. Acceptance: You hate me, I get it… I’ll just go over here and slit my wrists. Please don’t rape my corpse… without lube. So you don’t hurt yourself. 2

Smalley: Absolute garbage. Fuck this. 3

BamaHammer: I don’t really know what to think of this, but I do know that it’s not my thing. 4

Sokaris: We’re not seriously doing this, are we? The nu-metal revival thing? Spineshank did a sort of okay deal being Fear Factory for their fans’ baby sisters back in the day but they can’t even do that again. 2

InquisitorGeneralis: I cannot think of any cute way to describe the suckiness of Spineshank. Squirtspank? Shitstain? Cockpuke? No matter how you slice it, this industro-nu-metalo stuff is not good. 3

Gotthard: Firebirth Gotthard: Firebirth


Lord K: Got milk? Got hard? Gotthard? Absolutely fucken not. This is shit rock/“metal” (use that term very, very loosely) for shit people. 2

Habakuk: Jesus Christ. Nothing against Hard Rock, but I like mine a little less irritating. 4

CadenZ: Fire? Birth? Gotthard’s fire was extinguished about four centuries ago and the only life-altering event looming ahead is death. So, die. 3

Smalley: Zzzz… 4

BamaHammer: Gottflacid. 2

Sokaris: This makes me Nott-hard. I suppose they do a decent job at what they’re doing and if I was the kind of guy to wear pre-faded jeans, put blonde streaks in my hair and wear bandana/cowboy hat combos then maybe I’d like it. 3

InquisitorGeneralis: Suckshard. 1

Linkin Park: Living things Linkin Park: Living things


Lord K: I appreciated “Hybrid theory” when it came about. It sounded fresh and whatnot. The novelty wore off though and I haven’t really kept track of this prefabricated bunch of asshats since. “Living things” is not sounding very fresh. But enter the charts it will. I’m happy for them. Happy like a penis on prom night. Yeah! 4

Habakuk: This album features the fucken theme song for this year’s European soccer championship. What do you think this is, “Reign in Blood II”? 5

CadenZ: So these guys are still out there? Playing dubstep metal? That’s it, I’m going medieval on their asses. Honey, where’s my maul? 1

Smalley: I admit, LP was one of the first bands that got me interested in “heavy music”, so I am grateful to them for that, but I don’t like the old, nu stuff at all anymore, and I ain’t really into this new, more electronic-y direction they’re taking either. 5

BamaHammer: Metal boy-band. 1

Sokaris: A caustic culmination of mindbending electronic elements, fierce guitar lines and two unique vocalists that serve to drive the songs’ dynamics. I sure would like to listen to something like that instead. 1

InquisitorGeneralis: Have sucked, do suck, always will suck. This band has the worst combo in the world; a white boy who raps and a white boy who whines. Until that changes, everything they do is shit. And I am not just saying that t0 be a hater. Ask anyone who knew me in the 90’s when Sucken Cock first came out; I shit on them heavily then too. 1