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Global Domination | Audio Autopsy | Audio Autopsy - December 2011

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Audio autopsy

Audio Autopsy - December 2011

01/12/11  ||  Global Domination

Isole: Born from shadows Isole: Born from shadows


Lord K: Of course Sweden delivers in the doom area. Leif Edling of Candlemass should be proud of Isole. 7

Habakuk: Somebody in this band likes Candlemass and heavy guitars. Wait, those belong together. I’ll just say Candlemass. 6

CadenZ: Cool symbiosis between Candlemass-style doom and atmospheric stuff with tinges of both black metal and indie rock/pop. Great stuff, quality songwriting and nice arrangements. 8

Revenant: This is the kind of music people either love or not give a shit about. Guess which category I’m in. 5

Smalley: Some of the shit here is good, and none of it really annoyed me, but the clean, ultra-well-behaved vocalist pretty much rendered the doom-y riffs ineffective. Not a big fan of the slowness of doom metal anyway, generally-speaking. Eh, at least this one isn’t generic. 6

Megadeth: TH1RT3EN Megadeth: TH1RT3EN


Lord K: Dave finally managed to release an album that’s better than the latest offering from Metallica. With that said, you know it’s a terrible month for AA when Megadeth ends up as high as second place. 5

Habakuk: alchemy sorcery wizardry thermatology electricity Plod plod plod plod plod. But yeah, look at Metallica. 6

CadenZ: Ginger Dave has upped the ante with these last two Megadeth albums, and turning up the intensity a couple notches has garnered his outfit some much-needed balls. Sadly, his singing is still not good enough to not annoy, even though it’s somewhat better here than on “Endgame”. 6

Revenant: I had low expectations in the lead up to this release, so this came as a surprise despite sounding like a poppier version of “Countdown to Extinction”. Would have scored it higher but for Dave’s vocals, which really don’t cut it. 7

Smalley: No major surprises here (in face, you’ll hear some old songs), but this is still the most energized ‘deth has sounded in a good long while. Review. 8

Insomnium: One for sorrow Insomnium: One for sorrow


Lord K: By-the-book metal with some decent growls. I’m not exactly floored. 5

Habakuk: Before you start staring holes into the sky waiting for a new Amorphis release, you might wanna give this a go. It’s not bad, but it’s not for me either. 6

CadenZ: Insomnium pump out the same fucken songs in the same fucken package on every fucken album. The same fucken chord progressions and the same fucken keys are as overused as fucken penises. Though penises cannot fucken be overused. No they fucken cannot. Cannot. Fucken. Canfuckennot. Except fucken Insomnipenis. ‘Cause they’re fucken stagnation personified. Based on the music alone I would give this a 6, but since I know what their previous albums sound like, they don’t deserve more than: 4

Revenant: This death metal with Amorphis-like melody should appeal to me more than it actually does. 6

Smalley: I haven’t heard a single second of any other Insomnium songs besides the ones here, but if “One For Sorrow” is any indication of the band’s general quality, I’ve got a lot of fucken catching up to do; powerful, epic melodeath with balls and beautiful guitar work/choral vocals?? Fuck yeah, baby. 9

Pain Of Salvation: Road salt two Pain Of Salvation: Road salt two


Lord K: Incredibly talented musicians, incredibly pretentious music, incredibly much not for me. 4

Habakuk: What’s with all those decent, southern, bluesy, twangy sounding bands this month? IT’S NOT METURRL!! 6

CadenZ: I’m so happy these kinds of records still get made. Artistic integrity, creative variation and an organic, natural musicality permeate this amazing album. Clearly the winner of this year’s best Sweprog record, despite the new Opeth release. 9

Revenant: There’s definitely a lot of care and work behind this disc which leads to some quality unique sounding rock, but try as I might I just can not listen to this for more than 20 minutes at a time without getting bored. 5

Smalley: Never listened to these guys before, and any more looks doubtful now, as I dislike the vocals on the inexplicably-titled “Road salt two”, and it’s just too too fucken weird for my tastes. And for a lot of other people’s, I imagine. Gotta admire their cojones though. 5

Evile: Five serpent's teeth Evile: Five serpent’s teeth


Lord K: Sure, they thrash for all its worth, but they are not even close to prime time Exodus or the likes. And they prolly know it too. 4

Habakuk: Evile is a prime example of how modern day productions can kill any potential and life in thrash bands. Minimal album-to-album progression doesn’t help things either. 5

CadenZ: Evile always bring quality to the thrash table, but there’s just too much information in the riffs. You can medicate ADHD nowadays, you know. I always get 80’s Metallica vibes from the E-penises, but with virtually no hooks evident in their songs. 5

Revenant: Evile are to 80’s Metallica what Ektomorf is to Max Cavalera. Then again, with Metallica now choosing to pursue “other sounds” (that’s as kindly as I can put it), I suppose the opportunity is there for Evile. Doesn’t make it good though. 5

Smalley: As hard to believe as some GD’ers seem to find it, it is possible for a non-old school band to create good thrash outside of the 80’s/early 90’s; deal wit’ it already, ya buncha greyhairs. Review 8

Iced Earth: Dystopia Iced Earth: Dystopia


Lord K: One of the most overrated bands around. Iced Earth and their wimpy shit metal fucken blow. Always did, always will. 3

Habakuk: These guys had absolutely left my radar thanks to their abysmal last string of releases. With a good new singer (Iced Earth have a new singer?) in their folds, a glimmer of hope has returned. A few too many fillers keep this from the high grades, though. 7

CadenZ: IE pump out the same songs in a new package on every album. The same chord progressions and keys are as overused as penises. Though penises cannot be overused. No they cannot. Cannot. The new vocalist is great, but the songs are a duller shade of good. 6

Revenant: A step in the right direction for Iced Earth, that’s for sure. The new vocalist sounds close enough to Matt Barlow that the fans won’t whine too much, so a win there. Still well short of their best though. 5

Smalley: Somewhat less boring than the previous two records, but they’re still basically writing music on auto-pilot. Call me when you’re ready to be interesting again. Review 6

As You Drown: Rat king As You Drown: Rat king


Lord K: They got the modern death metal logo down and these Swedes pull of some fine Americanized brutality. The only problem is that it’s absolutely anonymous. 7

Habakuk: Yeah cool. What else is there this month? 4

CadenZ: The dullest growler since yesteryear spews out his guts on top of some technical and sterile brutality. Great musicianship, snoozy songwriting. 5

Revenant: I should thank the band for reminding how quickly deathcore gets dull, but gratitude for that? Not fucken likely. 4

Smalley: Some of “Rat king” is nice ‘n groovy during the purer death metal parts, and the production has no real probs, but the constant “in-your-face” death growling grates, too much of the songwriting is unfocused, and the band can’t seem to pick one consistent style and go with it. Some of this is good, but they still need to go full DM, streamline the songs, and ease up on the vocals next time ‘round. 6

Krux: III - He who sleeps amongst the stars Krux: III – He who sleeps amongst the stars


Lord K: Krux always did very little for me and that’s not changing with this third album. Take away the weird electronics/keyboards and you basically got some leftover Candlemass material in front of you. 3

Habakuk: I do not feel emotions with this. Is it mere carelessness or being numbed by a fuckton of mediocre bands? Alas, I shall ponder. 6

CadenZ: It’s a sad thing Candlemass is throwing in the towel, luckily we still have Krux. Doomy goodiness with awesome guitar solos. 7

Revenant: In what has to be the worst AA I’ve been involved in, this sci-fi progfest scores a pass purely by being less offensive to my ears than the other shitfests I’ve had to listen to this month. 5

Smalley: Still just as painfully cheesy and bad as it was when I had to Stub it. That album cover’s giving me an eye-migraine. 3

Chickenfoot: III Chickenfoot: III


Lord K: Well-known musicians isn’t a guarantee you’ll deliver something noteworthy. Chickenpenis’ crap rock is so boring I just shat blood. Pure blood. 2

Habakuk: I don’t know why I somewhat dig this, but I do. Fat, sleazy, southern-tinged rock. I hate Black Label Society, but it’s the only band that comes to mind as a comparison. Anyway, this is rather listenable shit from start to finish. 6

CadenZ: Competent party rock with more Stones than stones. The line-up promises more than they actually deliver. 4

Revenant: In what has been a pretty dire month of metal releases, this quality toe tapping rock has been a breath of fresh air. To my ears. Wait, does that mean they blew in my ear? 7

Smalley: I wasn’t expecting much after I saw this band name, and this half-assed, country-fried chicken scratch music didn’t deliver much either. Is there seriously a market for this shit out there? 4

Landmine Marathon: Gallows Landmine Marathon: Gallows


Lord K: Take Hab’s first sentence, apply it here and change the score to a: 3

Habakuk: Apart from the name, there isn’t much noteworthy about these guys. Decent death metal, nuttin more. 6

CadenZ: The greatest of torture is not to saw off someone’s dick with a sharp knife. It’s to saw it off with a dull one. This is audial death torture. 4

Revenant: Death metal vocals from a chick that don’t annoy. How refreshing. Solid but unspectacular and a little short-lived, this still ranks amongst the best this month. 7

Smalley: Bland, obnoxious, and forgettable, so forget it. 4

Charred Walls Of The Damned: Cold winds on timeless days Charred Walls Of The Damned: Cold winds on timeless days


Lord K: I used to think Ripper was a great vocalist. That was until he entered every fucken band in the world with his pipes. CWOTD is some cheesy, redundant, modern melodic metal shit with the trademark Ripper-yelling on top of it all. 4

Habakuk: Is this Ripper Owens? Oh yeah, it is. The poor guy just doesn’t have any luck, it seems. He just keeps on churning out more run-of-the-mill US metal. 5

CadenZ: Sweaty power metal with evident hard rock influences. Ripper’s voice is still an unlubricated pain in the ass, but some cool rhythmic riffing with nice drum chops courtesy of ex-Death member Richard Christy salvage some of the stew. Still, absolutely not better than average. 5

Revenant: Why is it the more albums I hear with Tim “Ripper” Owens on it, the more I want to stab him in the neck? Man his vocals annoy. Charred Walls of the who gives a Damn sound a lot less like Iced Earth this time round, largely due to less of the thrashy style riffing, but I struggle to find anything memorable or worthwhile in this disc. 4

Smalley: Cheesy, bland, pretentious, light-weight metal that utterly fails to provoke any kind of reaction except indifference. Go back to your Judas Priest tribute bands, Tim Owens, Richard Christy, find a good band to drum in again, and Steve DiGiorgio, stop whoring yourself to every other new metal band out there. 5

Sinner: One bullet left Sinner: One bullet left


Lord K: Forgive us Father for we have Sinner. 3

Habakuk: From toothless to somewhat ballsy, Sinner bring it all. I don’t feel more complete than before after listening to this, though. 5

CadenZ: The 80’s cheese songs are OK, the harder tunes just bring out a combination of yawns and snorts. Maybe it’s time to close shop? 5

Revenant: One bullet left? Then get this fucken band in a line one behind the other for me to shoot at. Hopefully there’ll be enough momentum on the bullet to kill the fucken lot of them for producing this tragic cheesy melodic rock shitfest. 3

Smalley: Okay record with some power metal/radio rock influences, but that’s all it is, just okay. Cut down on some o’ that cheese. 5

Five Finger Death Punch: American capitalist Five Finger Death Punch: American capitalist


Lord K: I have an acquaintance who claims he likes death metal and especially Five Finger Death Punch. Yeah, I know… This is so tough I just exploded. 4

Habakuk: Tough guy attitude, clean parts, plodding songwriting. A few good moments don’t save this from utter mediocrity. 5

CadenZ: A Corey Taylor wannabe behind the mic, accompanied by modern American metal. This is gay. As hell. 3

Revenant: I actually rate this shit worse than that “Lulu” garbage. Why? Well at least Loutallica tried to do something creative. Five Finger Dick Puke have less creativity and imagination than dried spit. All songs are the same length, structure, everything. This album is useless, pointless generic Americore horseshit. 1

Smalley: The clean vocals are actually good here (if kinda generic), but the wannabe cookie monster vocals and “slam” riffs stink. Again, I don’t really know what the market for this one is, or what the band is aiming for, but it doesn’t work. 4

Wayne Static: Pighammer Wayne Static: Pighammer


Lord K: This industrial, techno, Ministry wannabe disaster is as fucken awesome as the Wayne-fucko’s hairdo. 2

Habakuk: This is the sample-laden, drum computed mechanistic album Morbid Angel wanted to release. With the difference that Monsieur Static at least knows what he’s doing. 7

CadenZ: I wanted to hate this wrong kind of hair metal with an infernal passion, but it turns out I merely dislike this corny, stompy, moronic shitfest. It’s about as interesting as listening to… static. Ha. 2

Revenant: Wayne calls his dick the “Pighammer”. That’s right, I’m saying Wayne fucks pigs. Wait, I should retract that before Wayne gets all lawyered up and comes at me with a defamation suit. So let me state this for the record (and courts): Wayne Static does not fuck pigs. He only fucks there ears of people who listen to his… eh… “music”. 2

Smalley: Repetitive, mindless, techno/industrial/evil-disco-wannabe nonsense pap. 3

Lou Reed & Metallica: Lulu Lou Reed & Metallica: Lulu


Lord K: Un-fucken-listenable. In italics. 1

Habakuk: Meta-llica – Putting the Meta in Metal since 2011, and adding the pointless suck. I’d go one point above the minimum score for their courage of trying something genuinely new, but putting the Metallica name on this pile of pretentious ass explosion foils any notion of said courage. 1

CadenZ: When you mix a crappy has-been thing with an aspiring has-been thing, you know that the fundamental forces of the universe will be put to the test; a steaming turd pile of this magnitude creates black holes wherever it is aired, so please turn off your radio to avoid fecal invasion in the general direction of your brain. Apparently Lou Reed said that if you don’t like “Doodoo”, you’re just not intelligent enough. Let’s take a bow to the master and applaud his guruness and insightfulness, ‘cause let’s face it: he’s right. Only the truly enlightened could possibly forgive this catastrophe. Reed, please, kill yourself. Take all your money and build a time machine, fly back in time and kill yourself before the recording of this… eh… “album” took place. Repetitive, monotone, forced, untight, banal fucken absolute shit. Fuck you. 1

Revenant: Artistic conceptual bullshit ideas aside, there are two reasons why this sucks so bad. The first reason is Lou Reed, the second is Metallica. Lou should never have been allowed near a microphone on this project. Happy for him to work on arrangements and whatnot, but keep that tuneless rambling idiot away from the microphone. As for Metallica, they were the wrong band for this project as their style is ill-fitted (thrash + high art? Hahahahaha), plus their compositions are half arsed and repetitive (and not forgetting the drumming is atrocious). 2

Smalley: I actually kind of admire this one; Metallica helped create the worst mainstream metal record of the last decade, and now it looks like they’ve done it again for this decade! Bravo, I say; as long as you can make them all as funny as this one, I say do it again in about 10 more years. Way to anti-achieve. Review. 2