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Global Domination | Audio Autopsy | Audio Autopsy - July 2007

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Audio autopsy

Audio Autopsy - July 2007

01/07/07  ||  Global Domination

Gorefest: Rise to ruin Gorefest: Rise to ruin

8/10

Lord K: The Fest is back (again), and that with a fucken bang! I applaud them for putting together an album as brutal and vital as this considering they all are around 50 years old. I’m glad that they are, once again, proving they deserve a place at the Global Domination Forums. In a regular review, this would get an 8 to 8,5, but this is not a regular review (and we are always nicer with the scores on AA) so therefor it deserves a 9 instead of an 8, and we can’t do 8,5’s in AA. Something like that. So, hush now. Killer work, kids. REVOLT! 9

Ripper Bendix: Gorefest are here to fucken destroy. “La Muerte” was already fucken excellent, but “Rise To Ruin” tops it without even breaking into a fucken sweat. I am not going to puke superlatives now, but “Rise To Ruin” is not only my definite winner for this AA but also the GF album I’m gonna listen to the most for the next few weeks. Outstanding shit, ready to kill! Thank you and good fucken night! 9

Syrrok: I really hate basing any kind of score on a rip of this album. This just feels like an album I really want to open, put in my car cd player, and drive all around town scaring children with. After hearing Tue make Dark Tranquillity’s guitars sound quite decent, I was frothing when I heard he was working on this one. The ‘fest already has such a massive guitar tone that I just couldn’t imagine it any further refined. Well, I was right there as the guitar tone sounds a tad muddier. But all this is to be overlooked as the strength of the songs themselves just destroy all. Awesome little diddles here and there alongside some of the best vox in the biz. Ok, you guys still win. 8

Hanging Limbs: Like the Vomitory album a couple of months back, this will probably be this month’s winner… and for good reason. Gorefest is brutal as a mother bitch and nastier than an alligator’s cunt. The melancholic melodies they throw in add dimensions to their already enormous sound. It’s just not grabbing me as much as it should. 7

Doomsdayzach: And guess who the winner of this edition of AA is? Hmmm… still, well fucking done on the Gorefest front. If you’re reading this and you haven’t heard the album yet, fuck off and get it. Buy it, steal it, rape it, whatever. If you are on this fucking website, you know what to expect from these guys by now, so I’m going to stop ranting. 8

Fishermane: You have to respect the guys in Gorefest for being talented musicians and having an original sound. Furthermore, they managed to pull a comeback a while back without sounding washed-up or played out. I’ve never been a huge fan but after listening to this, I can safely say that a large amount of the proverbial “ass-kissing” encountered on this site is well-justified. Remarkable performances topped with an astounding production. All this is missing is some synths and maybe a Thompson Twins cover. 7

Behemoth: The apostasy Behemoth: The apostasy

7.5 /10

Lord K: I fucken love how Behemoth uses blasts over slow riffs. That’s just one ov the many things that makes me kinda love the Poles. This time around the production is not as fx’d as it was on “Demigod”, which definitely adds some points here. “The apostasy” is fucken brutal, fucken catchy and fucken awesome. Vader really need to look out, I think these guys are conquering the Polish Death Metal Throne sooner than anyone expected. If it wasn’t for some small instrumental, irrelevant shit, this would be a 9. Excellent, excellent album, but they have to settle for an: 8

Ripper Bendix: I am impressed! I usually state to everybody willing to listen that there are exactly TWO bands sounding like an oncoming fucken tank; Bolt Thrower and Vader. Looks like I have to revise my thesis a bit since Behemoth let the old Panzer hang out more than once on “The Apostasy” and go down with uncle Ripper like cheap White Russians and free blowjobs. Where “Demigod” sounded like a tour through Pro Tools, “Apostasy” kicks a lot of shit. Great fucken album! 9

Syrrok: Behemoth are scary enough and play with a ton of conviction. This was an interesting direction to go from their last offering. The drums remain, perhaps, the strongest focus of the effort, but something is lost in the structure of the songs. A few blasting verses then all kinds of guitar ramblings. A brand of deathily black metal I could do without. 6

Hanging Limbs: Remember that genuine behemoth chick from “Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo”? This disc is just about as erotic. If this was the A Perfect Murder album, it’d get at least a 7, but I can’t help but feel slightly let down. It’s still a good listen, but Behemoth has put out better albums for sure. Add one point for Warrel Dane’s appearance on “Inner Sanctum”. 6

Doomsdayzach: Funny story: one time I was backstage doing an interview with them and next to their stage costumes (more specifically the leather pants), there was a bunch of bananas. They may try to compensate for something in real life, but with “The apostasy”, they have to compensate for nothing. Fucking fantastic. 9

Fishermane: So Behemoth have officially apostatised? Take that, Christianity. So Salman Rushdie, another famous apostate, was knighted last week? Take that Islam. But who cares about religion these days, Jesus and Muhammed were born like over 200 years ago, so it’s old news. This time around, the ‘Moth continue their progression along the lines of uptempo black/death metal, and sound as wrathful as ever. Please indulge. 7

Pig Destroyer: Phantom limb Pig Destroyer: Phantom limb

6.3 /10

Lord K: Probably one of the best names for a band I have ever seen. And the fact that Pig Destroyer’s quite brutal direction appeals to me a little is a bonus of unexpected proportions. At times not the tightest shit since I tried that Evergrey girlie a few years ago, but as a whole a fine and catchy effort. I’m quite surprised by this one, just as I am with a few other albums in this edition. 6

Ripper Bendix: Schweinezerstörer! 6

Syrrok: Oh yes, the band with the saddest moniker of all time is back with another one. You wonder if they knew the hole they were digging themselves in career-wise when they picked that name. Phantom Jim sounds a bit more mainstream if I do say so myself. Perhaps they have Hollywood dreams now. Nonetheless, still bored. 4

Hanging Limbs: This album is getting heaps of praise and I can understand why. It’s not “Prowler in the Yard”, but I’d place it along the lines of “Pretty Fucking Good Album in the Kitchen”. 8

Doomsdayzach: While listening to Pig Destroyer, I felt the need to go destroy my toilet. Punishing the bowl with my ass-rockets was much more satisfying than listening to “Phantom limb”. Still, it didn’t finger my asshole, so for that it gets a: 6

Fishermane: A pleasant surprise from a band I previously shunned like Bette Middler. I highly doubt extreme grind enthusiasts will tattoo phantom on their limbs anytime soon but nevertheless, who gives a fuck about extreme grind enthusiasts anyways? 8

Evocation: Tales from the tomb Evocation: Tales from the tomb

6.2 /10

Lord K: If I say that they cover Entombed’s classic tune “But life goes on”, you should understand what these Swedes are about. Old school death metal, ofcourse. And they do it pretty well. The production is a little too weird for me to fully comprehend though, for one – the guitars are too loud in the mix. You know, the Dismember trademark. But fans of Entombed and said Dismember will dig this. It’s a shame this album is about 15 years too late, though. But to be honest, I’m not sure it would have been any better back then. It works for nostalgia issues only. And that’s necessarily not a fuck-bad thing. 5

Ripper Bendix: Aaaaaaahhhhhh… blissful deathmetality which makes my penis pump in a wonderful 4/4 uff-ta uff-ta rhythm. 8

Syrrok: An alright atmosphere for death metal, but as Emeril The Chef says: “atmosphere won’t keep the pasta in your stomach!”. 3

Hanging Limbs: Polka!!! Nothing but great old school death metal right here. 7

Doomsdayzach: Goddamn, after listening to A Perfect Murder, this is a breath of fresh air. This is some goddamned nice, relaxing death metal, the way it was meant to be done. In the immortal words of Martha Stewart, “It’s a good thing“. 7

Fishermane: How can you go wrong with an evil title like “Tales from the tomb”? Sounds like a collection of short horror stories written by somebody called H.P. Warcraft. Anyhow, old-school is fun. And entertaining. And morbid. And evil. 7

Job For A Cowboy: Genesis Job For A Cowboy: Genesis

6.2 /10

Lord K: Thanx to their name I (and prolly everybody else) always thought these guys would be some American stoner shit. And I fucken hate American stoner shit. Obviously, after being forced to listen to this piece, Blowjob For A Cowboy (I wonder how many of us in this edition made that incredible joke) is nothing remotely close to said genre. JFAC plays fucken brutal and competent death metal. Who could imagine? As with Behemoth, minus points for some unnecessary instrumental keyboard bullshit. Surprising shit anyhow. 7

Ripper Bendix: Man, talk about expectations popping like a fucken bubble. I expected sleazy cowboy rock or something along the lines of Desperadoz, QOTSA or Mannhai. Death metal definitely WASN’T on my fucken list and I really wonder what kind of fucken cowboy this job calls for, hahaha. Probably an undead one with two double-barelled sawed-off’s. 8

Syrrok: I’m having trouble understanding the big deal about this band. I’ll give them the tag for “best marketing product” but the tunes fall down pretty quickly upon multiple listens. Just not a fan of start/stop metal. 4

Hanging Limbs: Hey cowboy, I got a job for you. All you need are tweezers and rubber gloves. 4

Doomsdayzach: This joke is too easy to make, and I’m sure everyone else already has made it. “Brokeback Mountain” anyone? Anyway, this disc is annoying. I was expecting it to be AIDS in the face, all prepared to rip it up, but it’s actually composed of some sweet riffs and fucken killer vocals. I feel so disillusioned. Fuck. 7

Fishermane: I purchased a Genesis when it first came out for like 300$ (and it only came with one joystick). Then I rented “Altered Beast” and listened to “The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway” all night. Did you know if you spelt “A cow, a cow!” backwards, it becomes “Woca, woca!”? But seriously, I love bowling. And this actually sounded like some decent death metal. 7

Municipal Waste: The art of partying Municipal Waste: The art of partying

5,8 /10

Lord K: So, Municipal Waste rehash the thrash riffs of old and get recognition for it. My only question is “why?”. Put on some Atrophy, Nuclear Assault, S.O.D or Exodus instead. 4

Ripper Bendix: I suck dick for Thrash Metal, so take a fucken guess how much I fucken like this band? Yup. Me likey long time. 7

Syrrok: Just as I’m about to finish wiping my tears off my acid wash jeans and white high-tops, here comes TRUE THRASH! 3 Inches Of Blood and Municipal Waste are all you really need from this month’s AA to fucken ROCK! I dig these guys and we need more like ‘em. 7

Hanging Limbs: Derivative as all hell, but not bad. I’d rather listen to the big thrashers, but the punkier aspect of Municipal Waste is what grabs you. 5

Doomsdayzach: This is the kinda disc you’d throw on at a party while you and everyone else get drunk and trash someone else’s house. Nothing groundbreaking, but well fucken done. 7

Fishermane: Some nicely-done old thrash worship, I suppose. It’s nice to see that these guys seem to have a good time and don’t take themselves too seriously. Of course, if Keanu Reeves had a thrash band, he probably wouldn’t sound like these guys. 5

Farmakon: Robin Farmakon: Robin

5.5 /10

Lord K: I have no idea what a fucken “farmakon” is but on “Robin” Farmakon steals as much as they can from Opeth, and gets away with it. Take some slices of groove, weird parts that has nothing to do with metal, a few blasts, decent growls, a muddy production, tons of other shit and semi-cool clean vocals… Wam, bam, thank you Leif – we have ended up with something called a farmakon. For some reason I’m keeping this in my mp3 folder. I’m as surprised as you guys are. 6

Ripper Bendix: Opeth. 4

Syrrok: I’m convinced that Farmakon is really just remastered Opeth demo tapes from 1987. 4

Hanging Limbs: Their name sounds like a corporation. Their music sounds like old Opeth. This is good. Quite good. 8

Doomsdayzach: Farmakon… they’re Diet Opeth. Same taste, less filling. Good, but ultimately useless. 5

Fishermane: ‘Throw in comment about Farmakon’s decent music sounding a lot like Opeth. Make either gay bird/superhero joke. Die inside.’ 6

Graveworm: Collateral defect Graveworm: Collateral defect

5/10

Lord K: “Graveworm” huh? Fantastic name. Fucken Germans. Or Italians… Whatever. They are not too shabby with their melodic death/black, goth/jizz, pussy/whatever metal though, but after having to go thru this album a few times for this edition it’s safe to say that it won’t stay on my computer for very long. Suck my graveworm. 4

Ripper Bendix: As usual their bandname is better than their music. It’s probably the curse of the graveworrrrrrm! Our name is cool but the music is teh suckaaaaaaaage!!! Ooogy woogy!!! I am hungry for fucken Fleshcrawl now. 5

Syrrok: A big disappointment considering how much I dug their last album (surprisingly). I still think they do keyboards just as well as any other black/death band out there, but the songs on this one just don’t’ do that much. Aside from 2 or 3 AWESOME songs, this album will be largely forgotten. 5

Hanging Limbs: Even if every other song sucked, I’d buy this album because of the Bonnie Tyler cover. I, too, need a fucking hero. Thank you for that laugh riot. Now go easy on the synths and make more songs like “Suicide Code”. 6

Doomsdayzach: When the best track on your album is a Bonnie Tyler cover, your band has problems. 4

Fishermane: Symphonic black metal played by a couple of jive Germans with a knack for putting together elegant compositions. However, judging from their previous releases, this probably could have been considerably better. Maybe they should have covered “Total Eclipse of the Heart” instead (after all, it was at #1 for 4 weeks back in ’83). 6

3 Inches Of Blood: Fire up the blades 3 Inches Of Blood: Fire up the blades

4.3 /10

Lord K: It’s a fucken wonder no one went up on stage and pissed on these guys just yet. I encourage you all to do just that. Say “hi!” from GD while urinating, ok? Embarrassing’n‘irritating vocals combined with some, among other things, lame ass Iron Maiden-esque guitars and Judas Priest’s “Painkiller” influences. What a fucken load of donkey semen. 3 inches of kangaroo cum. 2 sperm references in a second? Fuck off. 2

Ripper Bendix: Fire up the ass! Fire up the assssssss!!! Unfortunately 3 Inches Of Blood equal more than 3 minutes of pain. 3

Syrrok: Fire up the metal! Pulling heavily from the 80’s greatest while infusing some of their own modern power makes these guys a breath of fresh air. Air filled with fist-pumping and Coors Light cans. Terrific heavy metal spirit, these guys. Pure metal at the highest level. 8

Hanging Limbs: I still can’t tell if I’m supposed to take this band seriously or not. I notice that the less I do, the more I like them. Even if this is mocking metal, a lot of it is fun and the guitar harmonies are legitimate. It’s just a bit too over the top. 5

Doomsdayzach: This is a band that takes one part Priest, one part Maiden, and one part Bodom and mixes them all together. Unfortunately, they grabbed the Halford’s gay, stole Maiden’s twin guitar harmonies, and swiped Bodom’s vagina. 4

Fishermane: As my good friend Lord K Philipson would say: “3 inches? Sure, on a good day, ahaha… Now run along darling, it’s time to frisk, frolic and fool around! Tata!” 4

Despised Icon: The ills of modern man Despised Icon: The ills of modern man

4.1 /10

Lord K: Steve of Immolation raved about these guys while I was touring with Grave. I don’t think the ravings are justified even if their semi death metal with heavy breakdowns is ok. At best. 5

Ripper Bendix: I am five albums into this AA and already fed up with the mediocrity as always. Same shit, different month. I listened to Despised Icon once I think and wasn’t impressed. Like I said… same shit, different month. 5

Syrrok: Another band that could go absolutely any way. I think if I deferred to Hasselhoff for this one, he’d give them a chance in Hollywood. Therefore: 5

Hanging Limbs: I’m starting to see a pattern here of bands that try too hard to be brutal and end up being fucking terrible. Brutality loses its effectiveness if you fall asleep. 3

Doomsdayzach: Despised Icon make this modern man ill. Get yer fucken core out of my death metal. 2

Fishermane: A band from my general area that seemed to have gathered a considerable amount of respect within the circle of whatever genre of metal you’d like to label them. Not my cup of non-alcoholic beer, but impressive in its own right. To some extent. The ills of the modern mane, indeed. 5

Beneath The Massacre: Mechanics of dysfunction Beneath The Massacre: Mechanics of dysfunction

3.8 /10

Lord K: Ok, so we got a bunch of ass-jackets who loves overly triggered (and fantastically loud) kicks and 4 million riffs in each and every song. Über technical, non-grooving death metal with irritating guitars galore. Good for them, very fucken bad for me and everyone else in this edition. 3

Ripper Bendix: What exactly is going on here? 2

Syrrok: These guys are the real deal. Solid effort after solid effort, while only gaining in intensity and focus. “Mechanics of Dysfunction” is a perfect title as the music reflects exactly what I’d envision dysfunction sounding like. Technical wankering everywhere, but it always seems to come back at exactly the right time to a groove. I can deal with these guys. 8

Hanging Limbs: Origin called, they want their suck back. I firmly believe there is a way to apply interesting and memorable songwriting to ultra-technical death metal. That way is Necrophagist. Or Psycroptic. 3

Doomsdayzach: I am one of the lucky ones. I never heard this EP which is supposed to be so fucken ace, so I wasn’t at all disappointed by “Mechanics of dysfunction”. I just think it sucks. And guys, you might want to trigger the drums a bit more next time… 2

Fishermane: Very intense, brutal yet rather redundant and ultimately soulless release from these Montreal boys. Of course, I’d rather listen to Ohio Players and New Order than Origin and Necrophagist, so don’t place too much value on my words. Not as impressive as their first EP, but for fans of the genre it might be worth a few listens. 5

Megadeth: United abominations Megadeth: United abominations

3.5 /10

Lord K: I expect the next album to deal with the traumatizing events of being kicked out of Metallica. That’d be far more interesting that the whining about today’s political issues. Megadeth is a fucken shit band. Dave Mustaine has been the “Idiot Of The Week” on GD’s frontpage for like 2 months. And for a good reason. 3

Ripper Bendix: And again I wish that Metallica had introduced the art of sacking band members by throwing buses on them fucken earlier in their career. Am I the only one who thinks that Megadeth are better in glorified memory than in reality? I mean, even the classics suck apart from two to three songs per album. 3

Syrrok: This album met my expectations. Unfortunately my expectations were extremely low. THERE’S NOT EVEN ONE FAST FUCKING SONG ON THIS ALBUM! Come on, Megadeth! Fucken add some MEGADETH to your music! 3

Hanging Limbs: Megadump unleashes yet another “return to form” thrashterpiece that leaves me reaching for “Rust in Peace”. Remember when Dave slept on his hand and wouldn’t play guitar ever again? Me too. 5

Doomsdayzach: I keep hearing that this is a return to form. Return to what fucken form? “Youthanasia”? And what the fuck is with the “Wasted years” ripoff… Hey Dave, here’s a guitar, a needle and a bottle. Hurry! Catch the H-train and try again. 3

Fishermane: I never understood why everybody hates the Must so much. Well, actually I do, but who cares… I’d still go bowling with him anyday. To be honest, anybody with fair and reasonable expectations as to what Megadeth can still accomplish in 2007 shouldn’t be too disappointed with this release. “Blessed are the dead” is definitely the song of the night. 6

Ozzy Osbourne: Black rain Ozzy Osbourne: Black rain

3.3 /10

Lord K: I was never a huge fan of Ozzy. I like the occasional tune and that’s it. Oh, I do like the TV show and I think Sharon is real cool. None of that plays in here though. What I am a fan of is Zakk’s guitar playing. That alone is worth a 9, but as a whole I can’t give this more than a: 4

Ripper Bendix: “Sharon? Sharon? Where’s me mike? Bubbles! Princeoffuckendarkness, Sharonnnnn”... Please retire already, man. I fucken BEG you. 4

Syrrok: Rarely has an album been more over-produced than this one (besides perhaps the last Kool Moe Dee). Not being a fan of Zakk Van Wank just adds to the pain of this album. It’s just sad they walk this old man up to a microphone, ask him to speak 3 sentences, and then work the studio magic until they have album-length material. Just stop now. 2

Hanging Limbs: More than ever, Ozzy sounds like a cardboard prop held up by the surrounding cast, namely Zakk Wylde and Sharon Osbourne. He makes me want to piss my pants and sit in it for 24 hours while blowing spit bubbles. 2

Doomsdayzach: This is how I imagine the recording of this album went down:

Ozzy: “Ughgheuaaw unfneee!!!
Zakk: “No Ozzy, it’s not time to record yet. I love you like a father though, you mean everything to m…”
Ozzy: “Ughgheh! UGHGHEH!!!”
Zakk: “Ozz, no! I sai.. OZZY PUT YOUR DICK BACK IN YOUR PANTS! No! Don’t slap your dick against my guitar! Aww, you’re drooling all over the place again!”
Ozzy: “Unngeeaahaaaee?”
Zakk, sighing deeply: “Ok, fine. Take your dick out again… Can someone hit record?”

Awful. 2

Fishermane: People who take classic artists like Ozzy too seriously in 2007 should be raped for their lives. Acknowledge their influence on the genre, cherish their earlier recordings and take anything post-“attempted flashy MTV comeback” with a grain of salt. Obviously, this isn’t the best Ozzy’s released but at times, it rocks pretty damn hard. Considering that Ozzy’s mind currently operates at roughly 1.67% of its original level (which was dangerously low to begin with), that’s pretty damn impressive. 6

A Perfect Murder: War of aggression A Perfect Murder: War of aggression

2.7 /10

Lord K: And ofcourse it’s a fucken 3-word band… Lemme guess, these guys are from the mighty US and A or very fucken close to it? Great success… Not. They are a pain in my assholes. Label? Victory Records. That’s exactly everything you need to know. I need to watch “Borat” again. It will bring my good mood back after having APM destroying it. Very nice. How much? I hate you. 2

Ripper Bendix: If I knew the recipe for a perfect murder I’d have my first selection of victims already at hand with this damn band. 3

Syrrok: It’s just a tricky damn thing to mix the best elements of thrash metal with anything resembling hardcore, especially when it’s the vocals. If you choose this course of action then in an instant your band is lost in the abyss of thousands of other bands. This is just rehearsal room metal that has no wish to connect with an audience. If that’s your thing, well… enjoy the UFC this weekend. 4

Hanging Limbs: The album may suck, but at least these guys have shitty vocals. 2

Doomsdayzach: Oh shit, I just got attacked by invisible ninjas and dropped my pennies all over the floor! Commence ninja fighting and penny retrieval! But seriously, this isn’t bad for a bunch of assholes with Downs Syndrome. 1

Fishermane: Aside maybe from being attacked by France or the entire state of Vermont, I doubt there exists such a thing as a war that’s not aggressive. Taking that into consideration, this album is void. APM aren’t bad or anything, I just can’t stand them, to be perfectly honest. 4

Total Fucking Destruction: Zen and the art of total fucken destruction Total Fucking Destruction: Zen and the art of total fucken destruction

2.3 /10

Lord K: This disc needs to be totally fucken destructed. 1

Ripper Bendix: Shit the fucken bed! 1

Syrrok: Catchy enough moniker to get them a gig at “Joe’s Crab Shack”, but shitty enough music to get them forever banned from “Joe’s Crab Shack”. 2

Hanging Limbs: See my review for Pig Destroyer, then replace “Prowler in the Yard” with “Pig Destroyer” and “Pretty Fucking Good Album in the Kitchen” with “Nothing I’d put my balls in a vise for”. 4

Doomsdayzach: AGRREEWARRRWRWWEHgAWWH!!!! 2

Fishermane: I once had a guinea pig called Total Fucking Destruction. I thought he was hard as fuck until one day, he choked on a very small leaf and died. 4