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Global Domination | Audio Autopsy | Audio Autopsy - July 2008

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Audio autopsy

Audio Autopsy - July 2008

01/07/08  ||  Global Domination

Unleashed: Hammer battalion Unleashed: Hammer battalion


Lord K: Unleashed’s been going for a 100 years now. They have had more lows than highs in their career, but over the last albums they have picked up quite a bit. This here album is a not-to-be-a-classic Unleashed piece, but as long as it beats the “Victims of wow” song, I’m cool. It feels like Unleashed’s been picking up some speed over the last years and I believe we have never heard as many blastbeats (though they never come off as blastbeats “for real” for some reason) on a recording from these guys. Unleashed’s not dead yet, by the sound of it they are quite fucken far from it. Gotta hand out kudos to Fredrik’s fucken insane solos. That guy is one fantastic guitarist. I should give Unleashed a 10 just becoz they have Tomas and Anders in the band, since those 2 are cooler than Arnold in “Terminator 2”, but let’s keep shit in order here. 7

Kampfar: Inspired and convincing is all I care to say, for I already wrote a long pisser on this fuck. If it isn’t already up, it’ll soon be. 7

Hanging Limbs: I’d probably like this better if I didn’t just listen to Demiurg for the 10th time. There’s a reason these guys have been around since the dawn of Swedish death metal, yet receive half the praise of Entombed, Dismember, or even Grave. I respect everything they’ve done and their perseverance in a demanding genre, but this is nothing more than par-for-the-course death metal. 5

Abyss: 2008 seems to be the year of the Geriatrics. Grave, Vader, Dismember and now Unleashed have new albums out. Of the four I just mentioned Vader is the undisputed gold medal winners, no doubt. But Unleashed are definitely giving Grave a run for their money as contenders to the silver with “Hammer battalion”. The album has everything you’d expect from classic Unleashed, including the throat-searing screams of Johnny Hedlund. The band hasn’t sounded this vibrant and eager in a long while and while “Midvinterblot” marked a return to form, “Hammer battalion” proves it was more than blind luck. 7

Seker: If you don’t like Unleashed, then you don’t know anything about death metal. At all. This is probably the best Unleashed album to come out since death metal hero Johnny Hedlund resurrected the band back in ‘02. It falls more in line with the cacophonous and blasting sound they used on “Midvinterblot” than the groovy dark sludge of “Shadows in the Deep”, but there’s a bit of a speed metal thing going on here was well, and I’m loving the crunchy thrash riffs they throw into the mix. It’s catchy, it’s smart, it’s well written, it’s surprisingly complex, and above all, these songs will actually sound pretty good when played next to Unleashed classics like “Crush the Skull” and “The Immortals”, which is pretty much the highest praise you can give to a death metal band as far as I’m concerned. More albums like this, please. 9

Demiurg: The hate chamber Demiurg: The hate chamber


Lord K: Ed Warby’s obviously playing drums and bandwhore Rogga’s vocals are quite ace. The sad thing is that the material itself isn’t on par with these guys’ skills. The bass sound is killer, by the way, it’s a shame it’s not more up front. With so much talent in the band and the cool band name and album title, what the fuck? 5

Kampfar: Rogga is a pony raping mongoloid with a prima knack for, and exclusively so, low-tuned death, Demiurg perhaps his most serious band ever. Serious or not, here is many a fine death tune, but I prefer them presented in the more retarded and dirty way of Ribspreader and Paganizer. “The Hate Chamber” is a bit too clean and digital for me, you see, given the style and all, but still “The Hate Chamber” trumps most of its competition. I wouldn’t mind if “Cult of Dagon” had been aborted, though. 8

Hanging Limbs: This is gonna sound extremely cliché, but who gives a shit: Demiurg play death metal the way it was meant to be played. They are completely modern, yet retain that old school flair we all long for. I’m not sure what a hate chamber is, but if Demiurg is there, I want to be there too. Best death metal release of 2008 so far? 8

Abyss: Rogga, Ed, Dan, Johan, Pär. Those are the guys responsible for one of the best death metal albums of 2008. For further convincing, read this . 8

Seker: Demiurg play some decent modern death, and Gorefest skinsman Ed Warby is in the band, which is never a bad thing. I could do with out the pretentious piano parts and clean vocals (this is death metal, right?), but all in all, these guys get the “Did Not Make Me Want to Reenact the Cover of ‘Electric Larryland’ Upon Hearing the Album” stamp of approval from me. 5

Moonspell: Night eternal Moonspell: Night eternal


Lord K: I believe this is the first time I hear Moonspell. Or at least the first time I wanna hear them. The reviews for this album have been mostly raving and I think I understand why – this shit is fucken fine. Who knew the Greeks could manage to cook up something good besides tzatziki (so what if they are from Portugal, that’s like Greece to me)? I have a feeling Moonspell’s never sounded this great, and I don’t even know why I think that. It’s about time I check out their back catalogue coz if it’s anything close to having beautiful guitar harmonies, strings, catchy riffs and clever arrangements like on this one – I have been missing out. And I don’t like missing out on stuff. Nice Therapy? theft for the intro to “Spring of rage”. I have stolen that myself, some 18 years back though. 8

Kampfar: Fernando Riberia will never speak English with the best of us, nor will I ever be a humongous fan of his voice or the music it usually lies on top of. I like “Wolfheart”, yes I do (and also “Daemonarch”), but “Irreligious”, and many of the proceeding albums, are the very definition of turgid in my book. Quality or not, I can’t fucking stand the style. I can stand “Night eternal”, however, and that without experiencing any sorts of pains or ills, but all in all I think becomes to mellow and moody. Before long I could end up digging this shit, but as of now I’m simply too fucking angry. You are all allowed to laugh, but you wouldn’t do so after I elbowed your face into an abstract painting. Fuck ye all. 5

Hanging Limbs: Like Tiamat, I’ve always wondered if anyone actually likes this band, let alone buys their records. After listening to this disc, I feel like a dick for counting this band out; not that I’d actually buy it, but this album is really not bad at all. 6

Abyss: Moonspell seems to have shrugged off most of the dreary goth shamblings in their music and has on the past few albums showed remarkably higher BPM’s than usual. I’m not the one to complain as the band sounds solid and on the same page. And thank fuck that Fernando doesn’t sing clean as much anymore! 6

Seker: How did metal go from Black Sabbath to this pretentious goth crap? It just doesn’t make any goddamn sense. It’s like one day everybody was all into writing good riffs and being as heavy as possible, and then the next day, they all SHOO-RUKed their dicks off and started writing non-riffs and tuning down to Z flat and fucking around with synth orchestration. Whatever it is, I don’t like it. 2

Sabaton: The art of war Sabaton: The art of war


Lord K: The whore nagging about war (hey, nice rhyme!), war and more war in between songs here is very irritating. But Sabaton’s brand of metal is making a name for itself so they are obviously doing something right. Sabaton ist not krieg, but their heavy/power metal is among the finest Sweden has brought us in quite some time. 7

Kampfar: This band makes any war they touch upon sound like a mild dispute between ogres and elf’s, that because they play power metal. Due to their theme(s), I tried to imagine a guy being shot in the eye, or a woman gangraped and left for dead, bleeding out of every hole and with a face full of cum. Mission failed, entirely so, not even a single drop of either blood or cum, nor the meekest of screams, was conjured by my brain. So my conclusion is that power metal bands shouldn’t be allowed dealing with real wars. 4

Hanging Limbs: Listen all y’all, this is Sabaton. I respect the band for not sounding generic, but when all is said and done, this is still pretty lame power metal. What’s with the synths? I wouldn’t be surprised if the keyboardist gets more pussy than the guitarist. 4

Abyss: A lot of my objections to power metal (except for the cheery galloping riffs and wanking) has to do with the castrated girly vocals most bands employ. Thus it’s not surprising that I dig Sabaton, since they have a manly man with a manly voice singing. Sure, he get’s to be a bit much after long exposure but that could be said about most metal singers really. Musically Sabaton sounds as epic as they come but with an incredible knack for memorable choruses and lots of songs about war. Actually, all of them are about war. Considering the genre, Sabaton kicks fucking ass. 7

Seker: I looked this band up, and I was all set to like them, but then those keyboards came on, and then the vocals, and then the downtuned non-riffs… serves me right for expecting a cross between Hail of Bullets and Gamma Ray circa “Powerplant”. Man, that sounds awesome; I should start a band like that. 4

Keep Of Kalessin: Kolossus Keep Of Kalessin: Kolossus


Lord K: That first album by these fucks was a welcomed fresh air of extra-ordinary musicianship and nice music. “Kolossus” follows the same path though nothing on here sticks like it did on their debut. There’s no denying the obvious talent in this band and KoK might very well grow bigger. And it’s ok with me. 6

Kampfar: I think Keep Of Kalessin should go fuck themselves, for “Kolossus” is hardly anything but a weaker version of “Armada”. Yes, they still sport fucking sweet moments, quite some, but many of tricks and twists are, and I swear, identical to ones used before. And, the kickdrums at times sound like the weakest outboard motor ever made. It wouldn’t surprise me if it was manurefactured in China. Fuck you again, guys. 6

Hanging Limbs: I blame my disappointment with this album on a combination of two things: 1) High expectations. 2) The album sucking. 4

Abyss: I loved “Armada” but for some reason I don’t get the same squishy emotions for “Kolossus”, even though they sound virtually the same. Wait, maybe that’s why? 7

Seker: Everyone creamed their shorts when “Armada” came out, and I couldn’t figure out why. It was basically generic accessible melodic black metal with bad vocals and some aggro-sounding stuff. On this one, we’ve got even more accessible and aggro grrrl power “black” metal with even worse vocals. Take a wild guess at how much I like it. I love the eyeliner too, girls. 3

Cult Of Luna: Eternal kingdom Cult Of Luna: Eternal kingdom


Lord K: I don’t even know how many albums these guys released but it makes no difference to me, it’s the same pretentious bullshit I remembered them creating the first time I heard them. Don’t believe the hype. Oh, there is no hype? That makes sense. Shit band. 3

Kampfar: This band is hardly the best to judge after a couple of spins only, so fuck off and take my judgment with a pinch of salt, some pepper and a punch in the face. Anyway, after 3 listens I think of “The eternal kingdom” as quite fucking boring and also pretentious. It is relaxing but very fucking close in being fucking muzak. Elevator core. 5

Hanging Limbs: I’d have more patience teaching Ozzy the English language than I do with this stuff. 3

Abyss: After the fairly tepid “Somewhere along the highway” I’m extremely pleased to hear that Cult of Luna is back in great shape with 60 min of music that melts the darkness of “The Beyond” together with the pop-feel and ambiance of later albums into something that is both captivating, beautiful and depressive. The last song “Following Betulas” is both uplifting, spacious, dark and claustrophobic all at the same time. Amazing. Bonus point for the coolest album artwork since Mastodon’s “Leviathan”. 8

Seker: All right, post metal bands of the world. The honeymoon is officially over, and I’m officially pretty fucken tired of this style. I heard that one Cult of Luna album with the green exploding spider ball on it a while ago, and it was pretty okay. This one’s sort of okay too, with some nice mellow guitar parts and the requisite DUN DUN DUN DUN majestic Pelican parts. The vocals are terrible though, and over all, I’d rather just listen to Neurosis or Jesu. This stuff is better than Isis though; I’ll give it that. 5

Marionette: Spite Marionette: Spite


Lord K: If you have seen any promo shots of these kids, well, then you know they are most likely homosexuals. The funny thing is that they sound nothing like they look, or how you would think they would sound – judging from the pictures. And that’s good for them or they’d be fucked de luxe. Screamy semi-Gothenburg metal with alot more brutality than expected, showing off some fine musicians and a knack for writing good riffs and songs (listen to “Parasites”). Marionette might be on to something and if the label backs them up we might see these assholes ship some copies to the youth of today. It’s harder than In Flames and it’s softer than early The Haunted. You fancy the comparison? Marionette is for you. I’m surprised I like it as much as I do. 7

Kampfar: I know this is fucking stupid, the world in no need of more genres, but to give you a good picture of what Marionette is all about, I have to name their music for extreme melodic death metal. Blame fucking Soilwork and In Flames. Anyway, Marionette sports melodies and mellow shit, but them here Swedish cunts also know how and when to step on it. I fucking love the production, bigger than my balls even. 8

Hanging Limbs: Decent metalcore stuff that ultimately goes nowhere and brings some fuckin’ strange Mega Man keyboards with it. It’s definitely not your typical metalcore disc and while I don’t exactly like it, I am drawn to it…sort of like Lemon Party. 5

Abyss: Emo-Screamo can fucking suck it. The plague has finally reached Sweden. 2

Seker: Oh man, this is gay. Also, the vocalist can’t keep time with the music, and he just sort of screams over the top. That would be cool if he was Sylvain Houde or Lord Worm, buuuuut… he’s just some metalcore screamer faggot with a small dick. 2

Aborted: Strychnine. 213 Aborted: Strychnine. 213


Lord K: Aborted was always another one of those bands I couldn’t be arsed to give a fuck about. “Strychnine. 213” is a quite weak sounding (death) metal effort with incredibly weak vocals half of the time and half decent metalcore (“decent” and “metalcore” in the same sentence, that’s a first) vocals the other half. This exact formula; mixing what’s supposed to be brutal metal with lame melodic ingredients is not working fully though some of the sections (listen to the break in “Ophiolatry”) pass for quite catchy. The In Flames-ish guitar parts just make this effort come across as delusional. Aborted’s not even close to as br00tal as I thought they would be, but I bet they have big enough penises to make up for the lack of balls. 4

Kampfar: Fuck, this was a letdown, not that I was eagerly anticipating “Strychnine 213”, but I do have a sweet as good pussy spot for some Aborted albums, like “Goremageddon” and “The Archaic Abattoir”. The reason I’ll reserve no spot for this one is because they have traded their trademark, the intensity, for something blander, no doubt softer. 6

Hanging Limbs: It’s rare to hear a brutal, technical death metal band put together songs like this. This stuff has plenty of groove and melody without being particularly groovy or melodic. Much different than I expected. 7

Abyss: Aborted used to be pretty damn good goregrind. Now they’re just pretty damn boring deathcore. Pointless really, with a name and an album cover like that, you’ll never make it in the mainstream anyways. So why go all commercial musically? 4

Seker: Whoa, this is Aborted? Seriously? I figured they’d be boring grindcore, but instead they’re boring metalcore with Gaythenburg harmonies and bad vocals. There’s nothing on this album that hasn’t been done a thousand times before. 3

Kataklysm: Prevail Kataklysm: Prevail


Lord K: Kataklysm is your typical B-league death metal band. They are actually better than their reputation but they will never get rid of the B-league tag. It’s well-produced, it’s fairly heavy and sometimes it’s actually good too. It’s just a shame that I rather pay attention to the A-league bands. Kataklysm deserves better. 6

Kampfar: Once upon a time, and many of you already knew, Kataklysm was one of the most insane and brutal bands in existence, Sylvain Houde the rabid icing. When he left, the air went out of the Canadians and they henceforth released the abomination called “Victims of this fallen world”. If their next one is any more generic and formulaic than “Prevail”, mind-numbingly boring to the core, they will “top” that shitter and release their worst album to date. Listen to “VOTFW” for 2 minutes only and you will understand this is a mean feat. 3

Hanging Limbs: This is one of those bands that almost always disappoint me, but I still give each new album a chance. “Serenity in Fire” was probably the last Kataklysm disc I fully appreciated and “Prevail” doesn’t sound like one I’ll still be listening to even a month from now. It’s better than the new Cryptopsy (so is the sound of driftwood crashing into rocks), but I’ll have to hear the new Neuraxis before I give out the Canadian Death Metal Award. 5

Abyss: Apparently these guys kicked ass back in the beginning of their career. I wouldn’t know, but I do know that they don’t kick much of anything nowadays. Background music, if all your good cd’s happen to be missing. 4

Seker: Kataklysm have been pretty boring ever since that groove-laden shitbrick “Victims of This Fallen World” hit the shelves. This album doesn’t do much to change that fact, and indeed it’s pretty much an even more accessible version of “In the Arms of Devastation”, which was a more accessible “Serenity in Fire”, which was a mere continuation of “Shadows in Dust”. Still, it’s not as bad as the aforementioned shitbrick, so I’ll go comparatively easy on it. 4

Raunchy: Wasteland - Discotheque Raunchy: Wasteland – Discotheque


Lord K: The Danes sound like a mixture of many different things, and I applaud that. The sometimes Rammstein-ish riffing baked together with really catchy melodies and pop (?!) influences works well with their tougher moments when they wanna be a metal band. 6

Kampfar: I’m fucking sick and tired of pop-metal, this Danish pack (roughly) sounding like a mix of Mercenary and (later era) In Flames. I can take gayness as long as mayhem either precedes or follows, as in the case of The Dillinger Escape Plan, but on “Wasteland discotheque” there’s little less than candy and cotton. No thanks. 4

Hanging Limbs: What do you do after releasing a couple of decent industrial metal records? If you answered “Turn into a mildly entertaining Soilwork rip-job”, you’ve won the GD Platinum Dildo. Congratulations and go fuck yourself. 5

Abyss: Why does a band like Raunchy exist? Who signed them, who thought they would sell thousands of albums and why oh why were they right? 2

Seker: Not metal. Not even close. Not particularly good either. 4

Daylight Dies: Lost to the living Daylight Dies: Lost to the living


Lord K: Their web page proudly states some verdicts from magazines about this album; “brilliance”, “essential”, “a landmark American album”, “focused and complexed” etc, etc. I can guarantee you that they have stolen these bits from some other band coz Daylight Dies is a fucken joke with their shit semi-metal influenced by Opeth, Katatonia and various lesser acts. It’s slow, it’s full of shitty acoustic guitars and it’s about as interesting as Kalib Starnes UFC career. 3

Kampfar: The guitar(s) sounds quite alright and there is some nice atmosphere going on, but me the whole shebang left rather meh. If you have tattooed “doom” on your penis, please indulge yourself, I need dirtier and meaner than Daylight Dies does it. 6

Hanging Limbs: Doom metal that doesn’t actually put me to sleep? I don’t bel-… 4

Abyss: Somber doomdeath album that sounds just as proficient and professional as the band’s previous albums. Still, they fail to evoke much emotion in me. Daylight Dies does very little for me. 4

Seker: Oh look, it’s a bunch of dorks trying to be Opeth. I’m not terribly fond of Opeth in the first place, so I’m not sure why I’d want to listen to a second-rate version of something that already is kinda shitty. In fact, I’m gonna turn it off right now. 2

Hollenthon: Opus magnum Hollenthon: Opus magnum


Lord K: I heard some people praise this album which kinda made me interested in hearing it. I should have remembered that I have heard people praise the Toronto Maple Leafs over the years as well, and what the fuck have they accomplished? Hollenthon wants to include 4 million influences and riffs in every song, and naturally it doesn’t work in the end. Choirs, clean vocals, snarls, galloping riffs, semi-black metal riffs, shitty riffs, some decent riffs, the list could go on until you turn into Roger Rabbit, minus the hot red whore. 4

Kampfar: None, or very few, can fault the skills gathered under this moniker, but I’m sure many will think of the symphonic and ethnic elements as pure cheese and pretentiousness. I think they are well implanted and go into a cohesive whole. Fuck you. At the core, this is power metal something dressed in a, at least for power metal heroes, extreme clothing. 6

Hanging Limbs: I never thought I’d say this about Hollenthon, but they sound like they’re out of ideas, like bombast and pomp has outrun their songwriting. I’m OK with a band’s third album sounding like a continuation of their second, but when actual riffs/melodies are taken from other bands (Slayer and DROWNING POOL to name a couple), that’s where I draw the line. It’s hard to forgive a band that takes seven years to follow up a stellar release and then delivers this munson. 4

Abyss: You remember how much I liked SepticFlesh’s mix of metal and symphonic strings and what not? How I thought it sounded all epic and mighty and Lovecraftian and stuff? Hollenthon is the same mix but with the exact opposite result. I hope a sphinx assrapes them in their sleep, and then a chimera, pointy end first. 1

Seker: So, you can insert phrases from Mussorgsky’s “Pictures at an Exhibition” into your symphoavantmetal mix, huh? Big fucking deal. Put out another Kreuzweg Ost album, you ass. 3

Terror: The damned, the shamed Terror: The damned, the shamed


Lord K: I wonder if there will be a day when I actually like this kind of music. Hardcore/metal crap… All I know is that today is not the day and I plan to keep it that way by all possible means. 3

Kampfar: If I had listened to this one more time, I’d probably detracted yet another point from the already low score. I have no time for this shit, but if you have some to spare, you can read why I hate it here. 3

Hanging Limbs: I’ll never understand how some bands get huge in scenes. Earth Crisis? Hatebreed? Terror? What the fuck is wrong with hardcore fans? 3

Abyss: Hardcore somewhere between Sick of It All and Hatebreed. If that sounds appealing, it probably is. If you think it sounds boring deluxe, you’re definitely right. 4

Seker: So this is what passes for hardcore nowadays… I think I’ll just go listen to “Age of Quarrel” and forgot I ever heard this sub-Hatebreed(!) garbage. 3

In Extremo: Sängerkrieg In Extremo: Sängerkrieg


Lord K: I rather get AIDS than listen to this band ever again. 1

Kampfar: I would like to end nearly all medieval tinged metal with bazookas, C-4, AK-47’s, landmines, you fucking name it. Yes, this is times of shit, but so was always the case here on Planet Earth. The Black Plague anyone? The music of In Extremo is at times catchy, like flu and diarrhea, and the vocals, not helped by the fact that they are performed in German, are nothing short of skin crawling hideous. I recommend this to German speaking RPG fans exclusively. This is (not) torture (division), and I still have 2 ½ songs left to endure. 2

Hanging Limbs: Who the fuck mixed this piece of shit? The vocalist makes Leonard Cohen sound like Pavarotti, yet I swear he’s occupying 90% of the mix at times. And save the bagpipes for a policeman’s funeral; this is metal, not the Scottish highlands. If this is what metal would have sounded like in the Middle Ages, I’d rather get the fuckin’ plague. 3

Abyss: This is so much bullshit words can’t even describe it. I haven’t felt this violated since I heard Mambo-Kurt. 1


Revolution Renaissance: New era Revolution Renaissance: New era


Lord K: The best thing Timo Tolkki’s done is having a band member piss on him on stage. 2.

Kampfar: Oh dear Odin, this fucking salmonella cheesy crap makes me die inside, hard. Make them go away, you one eyed guzzler of feces, just fucking kill me or something. Lo and fucking behold, a surprise, Mr. Voiceover just made me smile. He and his illegal immigrant without-a-tongue accent, that is. I swear upon a dogturd and the corpse of a dead crackwhore that this guy talks through his nose exclusively. Haha, thanks for the laugh, idiot… or not, for after 3 times you make me despair every bit as much as Tolkki and his collection of cumguzzling fags. Oh, such horrid fucking torture, and I’m only fucking halfway through. I so fucking hate this band, fuck you for this one, K. 1

Hanging Limbs: My roommate walked in on me while I was listening to this. Let’s just say I was less embarrassed when my mother walked in on me masturbating to interracial midget porn. 2

Abyss: When listening to Timo Tolkki’s latest solo-garbage I find I’m quoting myself. When Stratovarius split I said this in the GD-forum: “Guys, you do realize that now the fucking bandmembers will just split and join/form new bands that suck equally much. It’s like a gay virus bomb”. I was right. 1

Seker: And the first shockwave from the gay virus explosion levels the fucking cheese factory. Who the fuck listens to this, and where can I find them? I’ve got a brand new crowbar, and I’m looking forward to some Gordon Freeman roleplaying. 1