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Audio autopsy

Audio Autopsy - May 2012

01/05/12  ||  Global Domination

Meshuggah: Koloss Meshuggah: Koloss

7.8/10

Lord K: “The demon’s name is surveillance” is a work of geniuses. To come up with something like that and not be institutionalized shouldn’t be possible. Meshuggah are the goddamn kings of this shit and with “Koloss” they have released their best album since “Destroy, Erase, Improve”. Holy. Fuck. 9

Habakuk: I’m not too big on Meshuggah, but I see nothing wrong with this. 7

CadenZ: Even though the monotony of some tracks is a little bit disappointing, the eerie majesty of “Behind the Sun” makes this the best Meshuggah album since “Chaosphere”. And that’s saying a lot. 8

Smalley: A pretty kolossal success for the ‘shugging ones if I don’t say so myself, knuckknuckknuck. Review. 8

BamaHammer: Not too bad. They’ve never been my thing, though I’ve tried several times to get into them. I tried checking out their entire back catalog once, but it’s so big I wasn’t even able to put a djent in it. 7

Naglfar: Téras Naglfar: Téras

7.8/10

Lord K: One of my fave bands finally return with a new album. And they just happen to have one of my fave drummers, Dirk Verbeuren, doing session work on it too. Bound to be a success, huh? While having a darker atmosphere than their previous efforts, this one is not as “direct” and catchy as “Harvest”, but it’s fucken still some of the finest black metal Sweden (and the world) ever produced. “Téras” is destined to become a grower. 8

Habakuk: Aha… mhm, you don’t say! Well, if you’ve waited for this, then you’ll probably enjoy it even more than me. 8

CadenZ: Naglfar deliver what is expected: another quality disc of malignant yet melodic black metal. Nothing new to see here, but as the formula works there’s no need to change it. I sense this to be a grower, so I’ll push the verdict up a notch. 8

Smalley: Dark, crushing, and bad-ass. 8

BamaHammer: It’s not like Naglfar could ever release a bad album. This one took a while to grow, and it’s still not as memorable as “Pariah”, but it’s pretty good. 7

Cannibal Corpse: Torture Cannibal Corpse: Torture

7.6/10

Lord K: To keep a band going for this long and still not change (or compromise) the music the tiniest bit is fucken impressive. Cannibal Corpse is the AC/DC of death metal. And I fucken like it. 7

Habakuk: Whoa. Pretty damn good. I never liked post-Barnes CC, but this is real great. A bit overpowering by sheer force, but with enough great parts to stay interesting. 8

CadenZ: “Cage! Clitoris! Caaage! CLITOOORIIIIIIIIIIIIS!“ Huh? “Caged… Contorted”? My version’s better, fuck off. 6

Smalley: Gory, tr00, fun, smartly-done dumb death metal. 8

BamaHammer: Chugkachugkachugkachugka KILLERRRRRRRRRRR chugkachug ALBUUUUUUUUUM kachugkachugkachugkachug… 9

Spawn Of Possession: Incurso Spawn Of Possession: Incurso

7.6/10

Lord K: If you wanna take your death metal to the absolute extreme, hang around in Spawn Of Possession’s rehearsal room and take lessons. Absolutely fantastic insanity. 8

Habakuk: mmmust… crammm… mmmmore… nnnotes… in… 6

CadenZ: Back with a bang. Though I miss some of the rawer brutality, this colder and more calculated design works as well. Excellent musicianship and above-average songwriting. 7

Smalley: Relentless tech death insanity at its finest, the best album of 2011 so far, and the highest score I’ve given yet in an AA; ‘nuff said yet? Plus, Double D’s sure to hate it, so that’s reason enough. 9

BamaHammer: Christian Münzner. That is all. 8

Asphyx: Deathhammer Asphyx: Deathhammer

6.8/10

Lord K: Asphyx’s getting better and better with each new album, and “Deathhammer” is without doubt their finest offering yet. Yep, it’s fucken true death metal as they claim it to be, and with the legend van Drunen doing vocals, you can not really fail. 7

Habakuk: Given how they allegedly abhor progress, it good to see them taking a step up from the “only” decent predecessor again. The formula stays the same as always, of course. 8

CadenZ: This is the most monotone and boring record I have ever heard in my life. I think. Every song is in the same key, every riff sounds the same, every riff has been written and recorded by seven million bands before this, probably by Asphyx themselves, on the track before, and after the currently playing one. Fuck this stagnated shit. Even though the tempo is sometimes dropped to doomy depths, the riffs are still the same, just slower. I love the oldtimer dudes’ work in many of their other bands, but this drone of consistent sameness is just too much for me. And the kicks sound like shit. 2

Smalley: Get yo’ fucken headbang on!!! 8

BamaHammer: I never could get into “The rack” but “Ze Desshammer” is quite surprising. One of the better albums I’ve heard in 2012 all around. This truly is real death metal, you bastards. 9

Soulfly: Enslaved Soulfly: Enslaved

5.6/10

Lord K: One of the most useless bands I know. More misses than hits, just like always with these guys. I’ll say what everyone already knows: no one gives a shit about Soulfly and no one gives a shit about Sepultura without Max. Just call it a day, both of you. 4

Habakuk: Hang it up already. Except for the odd positive outlier song, Soulfly’s constant caveman regression hasn’t produced anything noteworthy for years. Let alone shit hair and lost teeth. 5

CadenZ: Uh, what the fuck happened here? I was expecting the usual Cavalera groove nu metal borefest, and we get…well…death metal, sort of. What the fuck. And it’s pretty good as well. What the fucken fuck. Bringing in Dave Kinkade on drums seems to have been a genius move, ‘cause these blastbeats and double kicks really raise the bar quite a bit. I’m impressed. This is probably the most brutal record of Max’s career. Kudos, old dude. 7

Smalley: I’m hardly “enslaved” to regrets over Max leaving Sep, but despite some mild improvements over the years, Soulfy still remains just a middling band in general. 6

BamaHammer: Not entirely terrible. At all. I actually enjoyed more than a few parts of this thing. Must be my Cavalera man-crush from ’91 making another appearance. 6

Overkill: The electric age Overkill: The electric age

5.4/10

Lord K: I lost interest in Overkill after “Taking over”. To hear them still churn out some well-produced thrash metal after all these years puts a smile on my face. Bobby’s voice is still hideously annoying and irritatingly likable while the music pummels along all fine. 5

Habakuk: This is probably my winner for this month despite strong competition. Blitz’ voice might need some getting used to, but I’ve done that for about 12 years already. Now I enjoy his bile-filled rants just as I enjoy the varied, aggressive thrashing. 8

CadenZ: The solos are good. There, I found something good about this mediocre thrash disc. 4

Smalley: A sterile, Andy Sneap-ripoff production hurts yet another thrash record…? You don’t say. Not a big fan of those Bon Scott-vocals, either. 5

BamaHammer: These guys were pretty decent like 90 years ago. They don’t really have “it” anymore, but they have something at least. 5

Municipal Waste: The fatal feast Municipal Waste: The fatal feast

5/10

Lord K: I like the fact that they remind me of Nuclear Assault at times. I don’t like the fact that I fucken hate “fun” thrash metal. 4

Habakuk: I had written these guys off I must say, but this shit sounds like good, friendly, violent fun again. Not that they changed much about what they do, they apparently just hung in there a little more. 8

CadenZ: Skate thrash with some febrility and not much to remember it by. I’ll pass, and dig out my old Suicidal Tendencies records instead. 4

Smalley: Most neo-thrash fails to grab me, and Waste is no exception; you’d really be better off just popping in “Among the living” again. 6

BamaHammer: I’ve never cared much for Municpal Waste’s schtick, and “The anal feast” does nothing to change my mind. Hilariously awful cover though. 3

Epica: Requiem for the indifferent Epica: Requiem for the indifferent

4.6/10

Lord K: The production is kinda shitty, the cunt’s vocals are kinda fine and the rest of this package is kinda very fucken not doing much for me. 4

Habakuk: What these guys… – no, let me start over again. What this girl has going for her is that she doesn’t sound forced at all. The problem is, the band as a whole has nothing really going for it. 5

CadenZ: Besides beautiful ballad “Delirium” – with simple yet exquisite choir arrangements and a nice build-up to a classy guitar solo – all of “Requiem” finds me indifferent to its bland and one-dimensional symphonic goth/power metal. Drop the balls and go full-out gay and melodic and I’ll maybe even buy your record, or at least not delete it right away from my HDD. 5

Smalley: (insert bland joke about album’s seemingly self-aware title being accurate here) 5

BamaHammer: This is the best Therion record I’ve heard in a while. 4

Ministry: Relapse Ministry: Relapse

4/10

Lord K: I always thought Ministry sucked. Listening to “Relapse” reminds me why. 3

Habakuk: Seems like they found a good catchiness/aggression ratio this time. If you’re not allergic to drum computers, give it a go. 7

CadenZ: Industrial bile and aggression with the silliest lyrics this side of Weird Al Yankovic. Still not my cup of teabag. 3

Smalley: Just fucken pull the plug on Ministry already Al, you guys haven’t really been good in forever, and this is only further shitting on your legacy. Review. 5

BamaHammer: This makes “Illud Divinum Inmyanus” sound like Beethoven. 2

Adrenaline Mob: Omerta Adrenaline Mob: Omerta

3.6/10

Lord K: Seems like the whole world is hating on poor fucko Portnoy these days. I guess he can blame no one but himself. This is just more ammunition for the haters. Weak, American bullshit rock. 2

Habakuk: Streamlined, americanized version of Mustasch. Decent, but not good enough. 5

CadenZ: Quality but dull aggro/groove metal with great musicians and vocalists (nice guest spot by Lizzy Hale on the Duran Duran (!) cover “Come Undone”). Grows old quick. 5

Smalley: I’d rather just read Portnoy bicker with the “13 year-olds” on Blabbermouth some more than listen to this dated piece of nu, “tough guy” MTV-metal again. Still better than choosing to record with Avenged Sevenfold, at least. 4

BamaHammer: Glad I don’t have to put up with anymore Mike Portnoy tomfoolery in this AA… 2

God Forbid: Equilibrium God Forbid: Equilibrium

3.2/10

Lord K: My ass just exploded again and my house is covered in shit. Again. Someone please, please, please fucken make all of these American modern metal bands go away. 3

Habakuk: …God forbidden, God! Forbid! God! Forbidden! 5

CadenZ: God forbid that I need to listen to this again. 2

Smalley: Yet another metalcore record, and yet another unsatisfied listener. 4

BamaHammer: “Awesome! A new God Forbid album,” said no one ever. 2

Flying Colors: Flying colors Flying Colors: Flying colors

3.2/10

Lord K: These Flying Cockmunchers can fly to wherever the fuck it’s possible I never have to hear them again is. Die. 2

Habakuk: Album Oriented Grandpa Rock. 4

CadenZ: Prog all-star project (progect?) delivers OK songwriting endorsed with a moderately sheepish vocal delivery by McPherson & Morse, and too-tight drumming that doesn’t groove a la Portnoy. Props for the cool slap bass line on “Forever in a Daze”. 5

Smalley: Another weak Portnoy side-project in the same fucken month? Dammit man, pace yourself; you’re gonna run out of lame bands to drum for! 4

BamaHammer: Please, no more Portnoy! And this one’s even worse! Crappy, annoying rock. I made it through about 45 seconds before I realized I was about to commit suicide. At least the vocals are horrible. 1

Blaze Bayley: The king of metal Blaze Bayley: The king of metal

2.6/10

Lord K: If BB is the King Of Metal I am the Queen Of Hairy Anuses. Get the FUCK out of here. 2

Habakuk: He’s really asking for it with that title, isn’t he. Well guess what, this sucks on a massive scale – especially the vocals. And I like his Maiden albums. 2

CadenZ: One of the numerous singers with zero self-insight in the music world, Blaze Gayley dubs himself the king of metal and even dry seal anuses laugh at him. Or maybe he dubbed his cock. I don’t care. He sucks and this mix of traditional heavy metal and System of a Down is a disgrace. Fuck. You. In. Ass. 2

Smalley: Where’s your crown, King Nothing? 5

BamaHammer: When I woke up today, I thought to myself, “Today’s gonna suck, but at least I won’t have to hear a new Blaze Bayley album”. 2