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Global Domination | Audio Autopsy | Audio Autopsy - September 2012

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Audio autopsy

Audio Autopsy - September 2012

01/09/12  ||  Global Domination

The Forsaken: Beyond redemption The Forsaken: Beyond redemption


Lord K: Welcome back, fuckos, it’s been a while. Forsaken is a sadly overlooked Swedish band who, for some reason, decided it would be a great thing to return and continue to be overlooked. It’s wrong, coz The Forsaken’s a good fucken bunch of cunts. You want some high quality death metal (with some melody), give “Beyond redemption” a shot or 10. You’ll fucken dig it. 7

Habakuk: Good. Quality alone doesn’t get you far in a year like 2012, though. Try to mix some identity into your death. 7

CadenZ: A new album AT LAST. I am not disappoint. Opener “Beyond Redemption” is a massive fucken kick in the teeth. 8

BamaHammer: This is some more very good Swedish death, but I can also see where this might not hold up for an extended period of time. Still worth a couple of spins. 7

Sokaris: Holy crap, I’ve been waiting for this album way too long. I remember being a teenager and patiently waiting the six months for Century Media to bother putting the album out in America. Anyway, the long awaited fourth Forsaken foray forges forward furiously and I absolutely love it. Melodic yet destructive, more straightforward than before. 9

Zonaria: Arrival of the red sun Zonaria: Arrival of the red sun


Lord K: As you know, Swedes do it better in this AA (too). The Forsaken, Miseration and now this edition’s winner: Zonaria. Melodic, deathly, semi-blackish metal (add cheesy stage wear for full effect) with keyboards… you know the drill. Even with all that shit in consideration, these guys get the gold medal from me this time. Not that the competition was too hard to beat, but hey… 8

Habakuk: I would have guessed Finland, but these guys are actually from Northern Sweden. That bit of melody in their death stew gave it away. Well, almost. It all ain’t too shabby, though. 7

CadenZ: Dimmu Borgir meets Hypocrisy meets Samael meets over-compressed production. Not approaching the same quality as the aforementioned bands more than momentarily, Zonaria still are an OK band at their dullest and fans of bombastic blackened death metal will probably dig this – if they’re not as picky as I am, that is. 6

BamaHammer: Great production, great compositions, and a great cover. They even sound like the badass lovechild of Dark Tranquillity and later-era Emperor. This is good. What, they’re from where? Oh, I’ll be right back. I’m going to step out for a second and become a Swedish citizen and get awesome. 8

Sokaris: I remember their last album being fairly bland, nothing really wrong with it but not exactly a standout. They’re still not exactly the most recognizable face out there but they’ve got a lot of power and decent riffing. 7

Miseration: Tragedy has spoken Miseration: Tragedy has spoken


Lord K: The ever-so impressive vocalist/comrade Christian Älvestam returns with Miseration, a band I really can’t get my head around. The production is flawless, the vocals are fantastic as always, the musicianship is insane and the tunes are brutal enough for my liking… and still I miss something in it. Competent-a-ganza, without a doubt. I just wish they’d fire up some more memorable shit musicwise. 7

Habakuk: If you ever have listened to a modern death metal album, this here will feel about twice as long than it actually is. 6

CadenZ: “Hill of the Poison Tree”, what a fucken smash in the face. That’s a full-on KO right there, and the rest of the material ain’t too shabby either. Brutal death with lots of blasting, technical stuff and above-average hooks. 7

BamaHammer: Wow. Wasn’t expecting this. This is how it’s done, kids. Leave it to Sweden to deliver the death metal goods. 9

Sokaris: It’s like Kentucky Fried Chicken. Thick, meaty and crunchy but a bit overprocessed and too much kind of makes me sick. Sounds like some guys who don’t normally play death metal trying as hard as possible to be a death metal band. 5

Ahab: The giant Ahab: The giant


Lord K: Ahab… isn’t that the dude who’s got a fetish for a whale in some ridiculous story written by some fag no one gives a fuck about? I thought so. I have heard these guys’ name for a while but had no idea what to expect music wise. I just thought it would be shit. But it’s not complete shit, it’s on par with as interesting as that fucken book I was yapping about. A book I’ve never read, nor ever will. The music? Whale-heavy (I know, I know…) and doomy is what it is. 4

Habakuk: Good, but I’ve heard better from them. 7

CadenZ: Why haven’t I immersed myself in Ahab before?! Fucken idiot. This is amazing stuff. Deep, dark, heavy, introspective. 9

BamaHammer: I love Melville as much as the next guy, but this is as exciting and interesting as geriatric whale sex. 4

Sokaris: Ahab seem hugely hyped, I’d not heard them before and for whatever reason this was the THIRD time I’d run across some ultra-hip band with a white whale on their cover that everybody loved. Well, unlike Gojira and Mastodon this band is pretty good. 7

Vintersorg: Orkan Vintersorg: Orkan


Lord K: I’ll use this as a soundtrack the next time I play “Legend of Zelda” on the Nintendo 8-bit. Which is never. Fucken tree-loving MIDI music disguised as “metal”. 3

Habakuk: Not bad I guess, if you’re into catchy melodic black metal with mostly clean vocals. Unlike me. Still, definitely listenable. 7

CadenZ: I’m totally getting a Borknagar/mid-90’s Norway vibe out of this, which amounts to awesome if you didn’t get it. Some vocal lines still sound like they were lifted off a Eurovision Song Contest track from the 80’s, and some of the lyrics make you cringe, but all in all this must be the best album Vintersorg has done since the first Otyg disc back in 1998. 7

BamaHammer: I like Vintersorg. Judge me. 7

Sokaris: It’s more or less folkier Borknagar with some cheesier keyboards. Maybe a bit more experimental overall but in the same vein. Considering how damn good “Urd” was I don’t mind something that compliments it well. 7

Baroness: Yellow & green Baroness: Yellow & green


Lord K: These guys like to name their albums after colors, it seems. I like to name their music after animal feces, meaning this is close to some kind of dog shit. Nah, only kidding. It’s not that terrible. At least you can see some tits on the cover. Woohoo! 4

Habakuk: Given the absurd amount of hype this receives, it’s actually surprisingly fucken good. Play this to your mum. 8

CadenZ: Despite the truly stunning artwork, I don’t find much to love on this prog stoner disc. 5

BamaHammer: This is one of the feel-good hits of the summer. Plenty of great tunes and great ideas to keep you spinning it time and time again. And I usually hate stuff like this. 8

Sokaris: There’s no way I could take two albums of this but I understand the appeal. I don’t hold their success against them but it’s concerning that the most lucrative path a metal band can take is to stop playing metal. 5

Master: The new elite Master: The new elite


Lord K: “The new elite”, huh? Seriously?! There’s nothing “elite” about this whatsoever. Tripe. 3

Habakuk: Putting ugly covers on decent caveman death metal albums since 1985. Anyone seen Krabathor lately? 7

CadenZ: Displaying as much finesse as Lars Ulrich’s kicks on every “One” rendition since the dinosaurs walked the Earth (1989), Master still manage to charm me in a sick, twisted way. No second date though. 5

BamaHammer: A little better than generic death metal with some really good aggression. But the big story here is that the cover (disappointingly) is not hilariously terrible. 7

Sokaris: I feel bad for Master landing three entries on our “Top 10 Worst Death Metal Albums”: so it’s good to have a chance to talk about the music here. It’s straightforward, kinda punky and full of good riffs. Meat and potatoes death. 7

Rush: Clockwork angels Rush: Clockwork angels


Lord K: I have most probably said this before, but this edition of Audio Autopsy is the worst we have ever seen at GD. But now it’s the fucken truth (again). This is the best we could come up with for September?! Shame on us. Seriously? Rush? Seriously? You don’t listen to Rush. I don’t listen to Rush. No one fucken listens to Rush. People just claim they do to look so fucken cool, tr00 and all-knowing. Rush fucken suck it, you know. Yes, you know it. Rush to the fuck-you pole, it’s located right over there, by the score… It’s better than Master, L.A Guns, P.O.D., Tank, Vinterpenis and John 5 though. Thank fuck. 4

Habakuk: Sick, thick bass, first of all. The album takes a bit to reach its full potential, but the bass pushes it to definitely enjoyable heights. Could be a grower. 7

CadenZ: When did these guys become so boring? Oh, right, when their collective age surpassed the three-million mark. I still need to catch them live, and hope that they won’t include any “Cockwork” songs. 5

BamaHammer: I haven’t been in the mood for Rush in 8 years. 6

Sokaris: I’m no giant Geddy Lee suckoff-er, but I have been slowly getting into the legendary Canadian trio and it’s hard not to give them tons of props for an almost unmatchable legacy. Organic and enjoyable. 6

Tank: War nation Tank: War nation


Lord K: This tank ain’t running over shit and its firepower is that of a pelletgun. That was a great joke. Tank you. 3

Habakuk: Since when does Tank’s singer sound like the guy in Saxon? Anyway, this is pretty decent, although the vocals give it a somewhat different feel than good ole Tank. Only the ballady stuff sucks. 7

CadenZ: Doogie wants to be Dio. He’s not pulling it off, but he sounds fucken good. The songs have nothing special whatsoever to offer, melodic traditional heavy metal with some AOR touches and no surprises. Still, if you’re into this genre (like me), you’ll find this enjoyable. 6

BamaHammer: “Honour & Blood” was good. In 1984. 3

Sokaris: Good old metal from good old bastards. That logo is so dated that it’s actually kind of awesome. 6

John 5: God told me to John 5: God told me to


Lord K: “Got told me to… fuck off big time becoz I absolutely suck it, no matter if I can play a thing or 2 on the axe”. 3

Habakuk: This guy probably doesn’t have enough metal cred (actually, I had to look up who he was…), but his instrumental venture between country, spanish, industrial, rock and metal influences is damn fine. Even more so when less metal. That “Beat it” instrumental was long overdue, too. 7

CadenZ: “Monotone industrial metal riffs as backing track. Former Marilyn Manson and current Rob Zombie guitarist John 5 shredding pointlessly and without the slightest bit of taste on top of it.” That’s how you spell fail, bitch. 2

BamaHammer: You can play guitar well. Congratulations. Obviously a proud moment for you. 5

Sokaris: Um, well this is more listenable than The Great Kat or Michael Angel Batio but, well, anything is. I think he just does these to prove that he can play (and shit can he) because he never uses his chops in the bands he plays for. 2

Serj Tankian: Harakiri Serj Tankian: Harakiri


Lord K: There’s musicians and there’s artists. Serj’s always been both. It’s not like he’s creating the best fucken music since I created my first tune, but damn – this guy really knows how to create something that sounds unique. That is a quality not many people (I am one of them few though, of course) can claim they possess. With one of the coolest voices and approaches to singing in the business, it’s a wonder he’s not a superstar in his own right. 6

Habakuk: How SOAD could ever get big because (or at least partly because) of this guy is nothing but a miracle to me. I cannot for the life of me listen to Serj Tankian. Impossible. Close your fucken head. 1

CadenZ: The only thing keeping me from snoring to “Have-a-curry?” is the obnoxiously annoying sharp edge to Serj’s voice. It works well in the SOAD context, especially harmonized with Daron Malakian. Uninteresting and juvenile song ideas executed in a dull and irritating fashion. 4

BamaHammer: I was never a big fan of System of a Down. Stands to reason I wouldn’t be a big fan of this. Sound logic. “Butterfly” is a decent enough tune, though. 4

Sokaris: How did System Of A Down sell a million records with this guy’s voice? SOAD were frequently obnoxious but weren’t generally boring at least. Generic music with some token “quirks” for no reason at all. Just let John5 shred on top of this randomly and we could’ve taken care of this month’s two ego-projects simultaneously. 3

L.A. Guns: Hollywood forever L.A. Guns: Hollywood forever


Lord K: They have a song entitled “You better not love me”. Well, trust me, fuckarses – it’s not gonna happen in this lifetime. Or the next. Or the next. Fuck you. 3

Habakuk: Checked all the boxes, and that’s that. Have these guys ever had more than two great songs per album? I prefer old Ratt instead. 6

CadenZ: When you’re feeling down ‘cause you didn’t score as many bitches in the ’80s as the L.A. Guns, think of this: they sucked. BAD. And now, when they’ve had three decades to hone their craft – they still suck. BAD. 2

BamaHammer: L.A. Guns sucked when they were at their best. Now they’re all pushing 50. You figure it out. 3

Sokaris: Like Europe earlier this year this year this is a lot ballsier than I expected. But I wasn’t exactly expecting juggernaut testes. 4

Periphery: This time it's personal Periphery: This time it’s personal


Lord K: Insanely impressive musicianship, but as with all of this genre the songs get fucken lost in the process in favor for showboating. I can dig this in small doses, but the day when I’ll listen to a whole album of this without tearing my balls off with a fork is not coming any time soon. 6

Habakuk: Please. Fuck. Off. 1

CadenZ: Bipolar metal at its most annoying: there’s shitloads of talent here, there’s loads of great riffs, the guitar solos are just mindblowingly awesome – and the other half is whiny-face sticky-butt ooh-poor-me angst-emo-metal. I guess I just need to filter out the crap and only listen to the shiny side of the turd. Too bad it twists and turns too fast for my imbecile brain to be able to zone in on the good stuff alone. 5

BamaHammer: I’m disappointed. I feel like the vocalist here could probably be a little more annoying. Not much, but a little. But hey, at least the music is complete shite. 2

Sokaris: This band throws in so many different elements and still manage to be super bland. The boyband vocals would drop down to below acceptable even if the music was good but what we have here is carefully crafted music that aims to be “progressive” enough to appeal to musicians but nothing so out there that it would put off your average scene kid. 3

Hellyeah: Band of brothers Hellyeah: Band of brothers


Lord K: Bearer of one of the most ridiculous monikers ever, Hellyeah shits out another piece of… eh… “groove” (?) metal. I don’t care what bands these guys have been in before, this is absolutely uninteresting on all accounts, though naturally the handiwork you expect from a guy like Vinnie Paul is there. 4

Habakuk: Look, I’m not saying this is shit, but you might as well play “I’M BROKEEEENNNNNN” 11 times over and would go through very similar 45 minutes. 5

CadenZ: This is so much wannabe-Pantera that my anus just bulged alarmingly fast inwards, creating a perfect example of a self-implosion for curious biologists to examine. The vocalist tries to sound like Anselmo, the guitarist tries to riff and solo like Dimebag and Vinnie Paul tries to sound like himself. They all fail. Even Vinnie. ‘Cause he’s an assbelly, much like yours truly. The faint country rock influences delete another point. 3

BamaHammer: What they say is true. Zombies have terrible motor skills. That would explain why this Pantera reunion album featuring the undead Dimebag on guitar is nowhere near the level of Pantera’s other albums. And did they really have to change their name? 3

Sokaris: Everyone’s just gonna type Hellno, aren’t they? Why are they doing the southern hick shtick? Two of the guys are from Illinois, one from Baltimore and one from California. 2

P.O.D.: Murdered love P.O.D.: Murdered love


Lord K: What the fuck? These guys haven’t died yet? In case you’re wondering, it’s still sounding exactly as fucken repulsive as they did here. 3

Habakuk: I have nothing against rap metal. This however is so lame, I have to INSTANTLY put on some Dog Eat Dog to reassure myself of sentence one. DELETE DELETE DELETE. 2

CadenZ: Since my head didn’t explode during this mash-up of hip hop, crossover and pop rock/metal, I’m guessing Penis Over Dose didn’t mess it up completely. Then again, it might be the heroin. I’m going with the drugs on this. (Seriously, there were a few, very few but still, riffs that didn’t suck it. Shocking, isn’t it?) 3

BamaHammer: Seriously? 1

Sokaris: Piece of dung. Pointless, offensive drivel. They should do a co-headlining tour with S.O.D. 1