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Global Domination | Audio Autopsy | Audio Autopsy - July 2006

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Audio autopsy

Audio Autopsy - July 2006

01/07/06  ||  Global Domination

Skinless: Trample the weak, hurdle the dead Skinless: Trample the weak, hurdle the dead

7.2 /10

Lord K: Skinless’ breakfast consists of death metal, groove, death metal, cookies, death metal, pigs, death metal, more groove, death metal and some fucken killer death metal. This is the kind of morning-meal most death metal bands should fucken taste and learn from. 8

Ripper Bendix: Noooow, this is quite an inferno, isn’t it? I kinda image some sort of Zombie/Mass Murderer Olympics when I read the title of this album. 200 meter Corpse Hurdles? 100 meter Zombie Dash? Homicidal Maniac Shot Put? And fuck me sideways, there’s a god damn Hot Shots sample! This band is fucken GOLD methinks. 8

Rafal: Awsome drumfills and rampaging guitar-work. This album is a must-have for every death-metalhead who likes a little groove in the mix. 8

Desert Eagle: This is one of the few older bands that I’m glad is still around. This shit is heavy and tough with some sick pig-vocals thrown in. I could do without the samples for EVERY song but I guess that’s their thing. 8

Syrrok: At about the same time that everyone was rollerskating on the Venic Beach boardwalk, holding a ghetto-blaster and playing LL Cool J’s “Walkin Like a Panther” cassette-tape, the members of Skinless were listening to Celtic Frost. Now you tell me, just WHO had more fun!? 4

The Abyss: Nice brutal death metal that has understood what exactly made Grave and Dismember great. Namely the groove and the riffs. Not original but rewarding as fuck when you want to make that BBQ just a little bit more meaty. 7

Keep of Kalessin: Armada Keep of Kalessin: Armada

6.8 /10

Lord K: Nice to be blown away by some Norwegians again. Last time it was Marion Raven who did that to me. This is slightly heavier. Ehum… Kalessin kills actually. Mixing all things metal into their shit really works and it’s just a matter of time before these guys will be the talk of the town. They are that good. 8

Ripper Bendix: This band has recorded a monster of an album and unfortunately knows about it. Read an interview with them a while ago and humility obviously happens to other people. It’s technical as fuck, kicks massive ass and is all in all a fucken masterpiece that has been specifically designed to be one. More of a brain-album than a balls-album. 9

Rafal: Together with Gorgoroth’s latest album, “Armada” is the black metal album of the year. Fast, furious, atmospheric and totaly crushing. All hail Keep of Kalessin! 9

Desert Eagle: I’m sorry I dozed off while listening to this album. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Fuck this slow ass boring ass shit ass black ass metal ass. 3

Syrrok: Black metal stuff that’s supposed to be different I guess from the other black metal stuff. I don’t see it, even when I take off my corpse paint. I’d put this release right in between Darkthrone’s “woods anthems 1712” and Nicole Kidman’s penis. 3

The Abyss: This, is fucking genious. Probably the best black metal album I’ve heard in the past 3-4 years. It’s got the speed, the intensity, the aggression and most importantly; the fucking songwriting! Beautiful, evil guitar-work with melodies worth killing goats for. A drummer that is talented enough to make me NOT miss Frost’s drumming. Bassplaying that has more weight and creativity then Les Claypool (yes, fuck you Les) and gutripping vocals that are still (somewhat) decipherable. 9

Beyond Fear: DTO Beyond Fear: DTO

6.3 /10

Lord K: Definitely alot better than anything Ripper released with Judas Penis. I’m not fully content with the fact that I like this as much as I do. Jampacked metal with alot of killer-riffs and excellent vocals by said Ripper. Definitely a fucken competent metal-band by all means. I must be having a bad day. 7

Ripper Bendix: Ripper Owens is the namesake of my internet handle, one funny guy to boot and an awesome singer. Need I say more? Yeah, he is wasting his talent with Scheissed Earth and Beyond Fear are better than post-”Painkiller” Priest at any given fucken time. 8

Rafal: It took some time for Ripper Owens to form his own heavy metal band, but it’s up and running finally. It wouldn’t take a smart-ass to figure out what type of music it is: modern heavy metal with some good, high-pitched vocals. Much in the vein of JP’s “Painkiller” but not that classy. Strong effort though. 7

Desert Eagle: I’m going to bump up their score just a bit because I know these guys are going to get fucked by everyone else. Literally. They’re all gay and have sex with power metal dudes. Especially K. 8

Syrrok: It’s good to see Marky Mark start his own band. When the Steel Dragons dropped him like so much rocks I thought he was done for… Back to the Home Depot customer service desk. In this album we have high-pitched screaming and “heavy-metal” riffing. Do you like that? Do you also like motorcycles and leather (like Chrome Division)? It’s alright but ultimately pretty boring. 4

The Abyss: Tim “Ripper” Owens new band, eh? Can’t say I had lots of hope here, considering he’s not really done much for me in Judas Priest, and the screaming lack of talent from the rest of the band when he was in Iced Earth made “The glorious burden” dead before it hit the proverbial water. Tim sounds great here, the problem is once again that the music is formulaic and sucky as hell. Only Beyond Fear makes power metal blush (quite a feat!), while Iced Earth makes thrash/heavy metal squirm in embarassment. 4

General Surgery: Left hand pathology General Surgery: Left hand pathology

6.3 /10

Lord K: The album-title is brilliant. The death metal is filthy and the songs do what they should as far as being relentless goes. I dig this. 7

Ripper Bendix: Nice old-schooly death metal which is right up my alley. The songtitles are a bit on the weird side too which is a nice touch indeed. 7

Rafal: Yet another Carcass-worshipping band. Dirty sound, short but rocking (grinding?) tracks and low/high growls to top it off. Good but kinda boring in the long run. 7

Desert Eagle: Aside from the Entombed reference (or maybe not, I dunno) this band doesn’t have much going for them. The drums sound god-awful for some reason. Haven’t these guys heard of Fruity Loops? 4

Syrrok: I called the cops on myself because it was too loud. IN A GOOD WAY! It might seem like I hate everything I hear, but the fact of the matter is: I just love good stuff. I’m also open to brief moments of enlightened ass-kicking underneath a pile of dirt. That’s the best way I can describe this album. The vocals are somewhat laughable, but it grooves at time and I dig the production. I’ll save 2 songs from it probably. 5

The Abyss: The swedish grinders have FINALLY released their debut album after numerous EP’s/split-singles and many years of activity. The saw is rusty and the mortuary’s lab is full of broken bodies, but the production irks me. The 2005 demo from Offbeat Studio (where some of these songs are found for the first time) had way better production and trigger-sound. Great but not amazing. 8

Illdisposed: Burn me wicked Illdisposed: Burn me wicked

6.3 /10

Lord K: I would like to know what happened in between the fantastic “1800-Vindication” and this one. Seems like they completely lost the vibe they had on the number-album. A huge dissapointment for me. Bo’s vocals are still like fucken cream on my Elvis though I expected alot more from this effort as a whole. Muthafucken balls. 6

Ripper Bendix: Hats off for calling the obvious Bolt Thrower knock-off song “Throw Your Bolts”, hahahha. The rest is pretty emo in parts and sounds like a fuckload of stuff thrown together in a blender. The result goes down quite smooth though so I’m not complaining. Love the fucken singer. 7

Rafal: Well, decent melodic death metal band with powerful vocals from Bo Summer. If you always were rooting for them, “Burn Me Wicked” won’t disappoint you in any way. I feel kinda bored. 5

Desert Eagle: Come on, Illdisposed? You know they’re good for it. You shouldn’t even have to read a review. 8

Syrrok: Illdispenis has a good thing going. Their brand of totally groovy metal, made heavy as fuck by Bo’s “sub-woofer”, wins almost every battle it engages in. In isolation this is a great album. Compared to “1-800 Vindication” this is a good album. 7

The Abyss: Modern metal that manages to avoid being labeled Nu- or -core and comes from Denmark! Not very common in many ways. I like some songs on “Burn me wicked” while others leave me bored as fuck. I think the thing that leaves the deepest impression is the meaty and varied vocals of Bo Summers. 5

Pyorrhoea: The eleventh thou shalt be my slave Pyorrhoea: The eleventh thou shalt be my slave

5.5 /10

Lord K: Is that even a tom-sound? What a fucken load of semen. I don’t know what’s worse, the actual title of the album or the actual music the album contains. Someone put these fuckers out of their misery. People need to get a fucken clue as for how to write music. 3

Ripper Bendix: The twelfeth review thou shalt be in mine Audio Autopsy. And with ye gnashing of teeth and much keening thou shalt tormenteth me eardrums until I puketh mine guttes oute in ye lande ov Gilead. Whan that aprill with his shoures soothe the drough of march hath perced to the roote! Thine band tickles me cordial homours only marginally, thou art far yonder from being an abomination, though. 6

Rafal: My personal favourite of this edition and of the Polish metal scene. The loss of their previous vocalist didn’t stop them and now they are back with the strongest grind/death effort I have heard in a long while. Thunderously fast yet still quite melodic. Thumbs up! 9

Desert Eagle: There’s only so many ways of saying “this is ok”. Let’s see, I would call this “passable”, at best. I would call it “asparagus” at worst. That shit is fuckin’ terrible. 6

Syrrok: This band could use more saxophones, less guitars, less drums, more white high-tops, less current band members, more casio keyboards and finally, less amplifiers. Did I just suggest that Pyorrhoea should instead be “Huey Lewis and the News”? Blasphemous. Chaotic death metal stuff that goes all over the place is what you’re lookin at here. I’m not for it. 2

The Abyss: Death metal from Poland. Not as influenced by Vader as I’ve come to expect (which is a nice surprise) but with a more American flair. The style is borrowed from such contemporaries as Suffocation and Immolation, but the talent and quality is pure Polish. 7

Misery Index: Discordia Misery Index: Discordia

5.2 /10

Lord K: Chaos. Little groove. Many, many riffs and overly triggered kicks that dominates the production. Few death metal bands can combine technicality and good songs, Misery Penis is not one of those. 4

Ripper Bendix: Don’t know, don’t care, don’t like. 4

Rafal: Hyper-blast death metal with grinding edges and great growling. It’s been said a million times before, but Misery Index are on a good way to conquer the throne of death metal. Dying Fetus stopped at nothing while Misery Index still fights. 8

Desert Eagle: While this isn’t as great as everyone was saying, it sure is pretty damn good. For all those who whine that all I do is make jokes I will say this: What is brown and sticky? A stick. Thank you Dan. 7

Syrrok: Misery Index loves talking about things the metal community could care less about. They also love making music that Syrrok could care less about. Cattle Decapitation will blow these guys off the stage. 2

The Abyss: Solid American death metal with more good riffs than bad. What more can you ask for? Well, maybe American death metal with only good riffs and no bad ones, but that’s a bit greedy, eh? Misery Index are good enough for me. 6

Enslaved: Ruun Enslaved: Ruun

5.8 /10

Lord K: I have seen tons of people praising this album. I will never understand why and I will never be one of them. 4

Ripper Bendix: I was a bit overwhelmed by this at first but the album is growing on me like my morning wood. Nice fucking shit. 9

Rafal: There’s no denying that the band have reached the highest level of musical creativity, pulling off more and more complex tunes than anyone in this genre. I have always been a fan of this entity and I’m not gonna change the status anytime soon. 8

Desert Eagle: I used this band’s last CD to put me to sleep. Why? Because I hate myself. This album isn’t quite as terrible, but I’ll still use it to torture myself since I hate myself so much. 5

Syrrok: Viking black metal legends right here apparently. Maybe a good live band (Abyss?), I just don’t think there is much in the way of anything different here. In fact, there is nothing about this album that is keeping me from going outside right now to play basketball. And I never play basketball. 3

The Abyss: You can’t but help admire a band that refuses to stagnate and evolves (in the right direction I might add) with every album. The downside is, of course, that it’s hard to truly latch on to such a band. I loved “Isa” and I’m sad to say that I can’t really love “Ruun” as warmly, though I can’t really pinpoint why. The instrumentation and emotional output is of course top-notch so I guess it’s the songwriting that doesn’t fully gel with me. Good work nonetheless. 6

Gorgoroth: Ad majorem sathanas gloriam Gorgoroth: Ad majorem sathanas gloriam

4.8 /10

Lord K: Gorgoroth plays the kind of black metal I was never into. They have their shit together, but so does Godsmack. Only in different ways. 4

Ripper Bendix: 1 lb ground beef
2/3 cup milk
1/2 cup breadcrumbs
1 egg
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1 (10 3/4 ounce) can condensed cream of mushroom soup
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 cup milk
Kitchen Bouquet, for color
4-8 servings
1 hour 30 minutes 20 mins preperation time. 5

Rafal: The Norwegian dwarfs have added yet another great album to their discography. True, grim and necro black metal at its best. Gorgoroth are like wine – the older, the better. 9

Desert Eagle: Holy goddamned elephant dick. One of the songs starts off with the most repetitive annoying riff ever. GOD. This shit is black noise. I barely even consider it music. 2

Syrrok: (Mr. Gorgoroth lifts his red wine-filled goblet)... “Satan.” (slow-mo capture of Mr. Gorgoroth trying not to laugh at what he just said). It’s said that the truly evil are not punished in hell, for their hell appears to them in the form of everyday life. I wouldn’t be surprised if this isn’t the case here, but what comes with that is the opportunity to turn that into some kick-ass metal. For a band so intent on their satanism their music is very uninspired. The devil must be sad. Perhaps he’s riding with Rob Zombie on his “Dragula” or whatever. 2

The Abyss: If Keep Of Kalessin is a sharp, well-balanced broadsword then Gorgoroth is a rusty, blood-encrusted morningstar. Dirty, old-school and probably disease-ridden, Gorgoroth rip through 8 tracks of black metal that sounds like “A blaze in the northern sky” through a broken walkman attached to the end of a baseballbat 1 sec away from connecting to your nuts. 7

Chrome Division: Doomsday rock'n'roll Chrome Division: Doomsday rock’n’roll

4.6 /10

Lord K: The only reason this one is featured in this AA-edition is becoz they have some members residing in real metal-bands. I never had the hots for this kind of music. Let’s just say that rock’n’roll is overrated as fuck, but Chrome Vagina’s a decent band. Even if they are rock’n’roll. 4

Ripper Bendix: This shit cracks me right the fuck up. Sure, we don’t need another Motörhead, right? Even if Shagrath is playing the guitar, kicking some serious ass? I really wonder what’s up here. Anybody know Thrash Light Vision? The 69 Eyes spin-off? Reminds me a bit of this. Luring the goth-crowd towards a more accessible band with a rock’n roll project? Maybe I am doing the guys wrong here since the music comes right out of their hearts and stomachs, but still I am tempted to remain sceptical even though Chrome Division look like the real deal. 7

Rafal: Rock’n’roll metal in the vein of Motörhead. Catchy, stylish and ear-friendly. If you are going to throw a party soon, don’t forget to invite these boys to your stereo. 8

Desert Eagle: Ok, so I am not allowed to give this a high score even if the music was great, which it isn’t, I just could not let myself give them a decent score. Why? Well, for one they have the lamest website ever, filled with FIRE and SMOKE and METAL. Second, the picture on the front of their page shows a bandmember holding a saw blade like a frisbee. Third, it’s shitty butt-rock. Fourth, I do not care that Shagrath is in this band. 3

Syrrok: The next time you find yourself BELIEVING that your heavy metal heroes are as tough as they appear while performing their art, use this album as evidence that they probably have a really, REALLY gay side (more on this in the Gorgoroth review). I was all juiced about hearing what the Dimmu-guy could do in a more genre-anonymous band. Well it appears he’s a big fan of Thin Lizzy and denim. I can’t drive 55 and I can’t appreciate this album. 3

The Abyss: When Satan goes geriatric he starts playing Motörhead-covers. Or at least that seems to be the trend amongst the Norwegian black metal veterans. Some do it within their mainband (Darkthrone) while others, like Shagrath, do it in Chrome Division. The album is acceptable but it’s painfully obvious that there’s only one Motörhead. And there really isn’t any need for bands who only sound like pale copies (corpses?). 3

Cataract: Kingdom Cataract: Kingdom

4 /10

Lord K: “Legions at the gates” has a nice “Hell awaits” drum-theft for the intro. Sadly enough that’s all these penises got in common with Slayer, though that’s not their intention, I’m sure. Annoying, screamy vocals and riffs/songs that gives me little hair on my balls. Same goes for their balls. Balls. 5

Ripper Bendix: Too core-y. 5

Rafal: Nail my balls to a wall, shave my head off and do whatever you want to, but don’t force me to listen to this crap again. Generic metalcore that I so much loathe. 2

Desert Eagle: This CD starts off with a breakdown instrumental. Sorry guys, you are doomed for a low score as well. Really it seems like I’m the only one that likes anything aside from BRUTAL DEATH BLACK THRASH. These dudes are none of those things. It’s still pretty good though. 7

Syrrok: The main-riff in “Denial of Life” is what it’s all about for me. But here we have more great riffs that might as well have never been written since their fucken vocalists hates me. He hates so much he ruins great metal. There are RIFFS on this thing for sure! We need an alchemist, quickly. 3

The Abyss: Metalcore. Yawn. 2

Voi Vod: Katorz Voi Vod: Katorz

3.3 /10

Lord K: May the guy rest in peace and all, but Voi Vod always sucked and it seems they always will. 2

Ripper Bendix: Last album with Piggy, hence no sardonic comments from me here. 6

Rafal: Voivod. The name says it all. Sucky thrash metal of no value. Put on some Sodom or Destruction instead. 2

Desert Eagle: Up until this point I had never heard Voivod. I wish I could have kept it that way. 3

Syrrok: Just like “Wicked Wisdom” should be spelt differently, this album should be called “Gatorz” instead. Then run with it. I mean fucken RUN with it! Get all the team together and run around yelling “Gatorz, Gatorz, Gatorz!”. Record the results, and chances are it’ll sound better than this album. 2

The Abyss: Piggy is dead but his riffs live on, thanks to home-recordings and money-hungry bandmembers. No, that’s not really fair, there’s no sense of capitalisation or cynism coming from “Katorz”. There is a distinct lack of soul though (which is kinda ironic considering the circumstances). I like large parts of the material but it fails to affect me like “Rrrroarrr” or “Nothingface” did. 5

Metal Church: A light in the dark Metal Church: A light in the dark

3.1 /10

Lord K: Back in the 90’s when burning a church was the fucken shit, they unfortunately forgot this one. But by destroying the somewhat classic tune “Watch the children pray” with this 2006 re-recording I hope they’ll get their fair share of lit matches soon. 2

Ripper Bendix: Never gave a damn about that band and definitely won’t start now. 4

Rafal: I hadn’t heard the band before I actually got this album so I can’t compare it to anything they have done in the past. Anyway, from what I hear here, it’s stylistic heavy metal with decent vocals and good songwriting. The production harks back to the 80’s and that’s one more point in my book. 7

Desert Eagle: The only thing I like about Metal Church is that Panzerchrist did an awesome cover of their song “Metal Church”. 2

Syrrok: The best thing to ever come of this band was their moniker and the fact that Panzerchrist made their signature-song better than they did. There is a reason these “classic metal” guys didn’t get thrown in with Maiden, Priest, and the like. This album is an extension of that reason. Great fun for a laugh, kinda like Yakov Smirnov. 1

The Abyss: I was under the impression that Metal Church was supposed to be some kind of thrash-legends. This sounds more like some kind of crappy old farts trying to revitalize their corpsedead careers… oh, wait… 3

Godsmack: IV Godsmack: IV

2.5 /10

Lord K: Man… These guys sell more albums than you and I ever will. That only shows the stupidity in the world on a larger scale. Godsmack is fucken shit. 2

Ripper Bendix: The singer has a great voice but all in all this stuff is boring as fuck. 3

Rafal: Mainstream hardrock with balls to come up with some heavier stuff. “IV” has got some killers (“Speak”, “Temptation”) but some fillers as well (“Livin’ in Sin”, “Mama”). All in all, a party/pub album. 5

Desert Eagle: Oh, god. 1

Syrrok: I was as excited to listen to this whole album as I was to hear that Andre Agassi is retiring. Not very much. This album comes up to nothing more than great rock’n’roll for action scenes in movies. Bland, bland, bland. 2

The Abyss: Are you guys still around? Do you still suck? Oh, I see… 2

Wicked Wisdom: Wicked wisdom Wicked Wisdom: Wicked wisdom

0.5 /10

Lord K: Now, we are talking… heavy-ass songs, awesome riffs, great vocals and an overall outstanding performance on all parts. Or wait now… Will Smith should be fucken shot for marrying this cow at the mic and he should divorce her for fucken opening her mouth on a record. This is quite possibly among the worst shit I have ever heard. And I once had to review Ocular Penis, you know… 1

Ripper Bendix: NEWSFLASH! If you want to sing for a band you have to be able TO FUCKEN SING even if you’re the fucken wife of fucken Will Smith, okay? That screeching hag ruins everything and I feel terribly sorry for the rest of the band because they are not that bad at all! Boo, fuck off. 0

Rafal: If I happened to have an actual, real, CD of this album, I would probably sell, trade or feed it to the cats. I dig female fronted bands but that one was enough. They want to play like Pantera meets Guano Apes? Yeah, right. Fuck off. 3

Desert Eagle: The awesome thing about seeing this band live is that you might be able to see Will Smith. OMG THERE HE IS!! GET HIM! 1

Syrrok: I got 4 songs into this bullshit before I realized that I still wasn’t listening to the first track. That’s how exciting they were. 2

The Abyss: Oh my god, shut the fuck up and go die. Please. And kill your gun-for-hire-I-lack-talent-and-integrity piece of shit band too. Lukewarm nu-metal with shit-songs, shit-musicans and a shit-vocalist who’s only claim to fame is that she fucks Will Smith and sucked in Matrix 2&3. “One” is probably the single worst song I’ve EVER heard, no matter the genre. 0