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Global Domination | Audio Autopsy | Audio Autopsy - June 2005

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Audio autopsy

Audio Autopsy - June 2005

01/06/05  ||  Global Domination

System of a down: Mesmerize System Of A Down: Mesmerize

7 /10

Lord K: SOAD always mixed really awesome stuff with not so awesome stuff and in the end turned out to be pretty meh, but cool somehow. Well, it’s impossible to deny the fact the guys got a unique sound with completely fucked up ideas, spiced with the awesome vocals of Serj. This is another piece of catchy insanity and there’s not one band around, except for SOAD, that sounds like this. 8

Farlus: I’ve always been a fan of these guys. I don’t agree with their message, but they never fail to make me chuckle. It also seems that their skills have gotten better with this album. I don’t like the fact that the singing has been divided more between Serj and the other guy, cause Serj is an excellent singer and I’m not too big of a fan of the other guy, but I still love this album. The beginning of “Cigaro” is classic…“My cock is much bigger than yours!” Hahahah. It sucks that they became somewhat of a “radio band” with the crazy success of the singles off of “Toxicity”, but eh, it hasn’t fazed them a bit. This album actually seems to be more vulgar than the previous ones, and they even seem to make fun of themselves/their success with “Radio/Video”. “Hey man, look at me rockin’ out / I’m on the radio”. Good stuff. 8

Syrrok: Gibba dooooba dah, geeba doo-ooh ba dah… !American Imperialism!... Geeba dooba dah!, zim zam zing! It’s over. 2

Desert Eagle: That’s right, everybody IS going to the party. Delightfully weird and catchy so yeah I don’t care if people give me shit for this. 8

The Abyss: Some would say that this is CHALLENGING music, others would just say that it’s dumb and whacky for the purpose of whackiness. I’m leaning towards the second opinion; even if often find myself digging the songs on “Mesmerize” I just don’t see myself valueing this any higher then SOAD’s previous albums nor getting all nostalgic about it 10 years from now. The band has found their thing and are now working on perfecting it. I can respect that. That said, I wish Darian would shut up more and leave the singing to Serj; the fucking guy with talent. 7

Derek: As with each album this band releases, I await it with the zeal of a Roman lion in anticipation of a fresh Christian to devour. Sadly, every time they put out an album the fucking fucks have the fucking audacity to record something I enjoy. Mezmerize is no different; political tripe and meaningless lyrics are thoroughly masked with awesome groove and some truly quality riffs. “Radio / Video” had me singing the song for a week. I haven’t done that in years. As much as I hate to say it, this album is excellent. 9

Bruce Dickinson: Tyranny of souls Bruce Dickinson: Tyranny of souls

6.3 /10

Lord K: The world’s greatest heavy metal singer ain’t creating the world’s greatest heavy metal music on his own. Everyone knows Hammerfall are responsible for that. Yes, I’m kidding. But only with the last part. 4

Farlus: “Navigate the Seas of the Sun” wins the award for gayest song of the year. That aside, this album is pretty good. It seems like his time would be better spent perfecting a new Maiden album rather than getting his rocks off on a solo album, but he’s Bruce Dickinson, he can do that sort of thing and get away with it. I like the dark atmosphere at the beginning of the title track. More please. 6

Syrrok: THE voice of metal returns! Bruce Dickinson could sing Fab Five Freddy songs in Eskimo and still make them sound fucken legendary. Glorious work yet again. Up the irons! 7

Desert Eagle: It’s Bruce Dickinson, I mean come on. 8

The Abyss: Not as downtuned and downright sinister as “Chemical wedding” but spank my ass and call me Mike Poggione if this still isn’t one of the best solo-efforts by Bruce Bruce. His voice is better then ever and on tracks like “Navigate the seas of the sun” (just listen to those vocals!!) and “Kill devil hill” he proves once and for all that at least one member of Iron Maiden would survive a definitive breakup. This is classic heavy metal, nothing more, nothing less. 8

Derek: Straight out of the 80’s, this is I guess what you’d call “classic” metal. I like to call music like this “the reason I didn’t get into music until 1996”. Sure, it’s well done music. I just don’t like it. A lot of this sounds really over the top. Bruce has a great voice; I just don’t really care to hear it, especially over such restrained, sedate music. Maybe I’m just getting desensitized by all the hyper-grind speedcore shit out there, but this album seems way too slow and plodding. I give it an E for effort. It wasn’t even good enough to inspire a joke, so I’ll simply point out that Bruce has the words “dick”, “in”, and “son” in his last name. Not that I read into things like that. 5

Naglfar: Pariah Naglfar: Pariah

5.8 /10

Lord K: They have stolen The Project Hate’s 2nd albumtitle and re-worked it for the intro. That is a plus though ours is way better. I fucken dig Naglfar. Blistering black/death that possesses so much quality, talent and Pro-Tools, Mike Poggione would be jealous. Definitely top-notch shit and a natural continuance of “Sheol”. But that album is better. 7

Farlus: Decent stuff here and there, but for the most part it all sounds the same. I might like it more if I were a black metal connisseur or into black metal at all, but I’m not. Mediocre at best. 2

Syrrok: Thank you for giving me an album to enjoy. This must be the one out of ten every month that will actually stay in the ipod for longer than a week. The “I’m getting reemed in the ass” vocals still don’t ride my dragon, but at least the music kicks ass. 6

Desert Eagle: I really can’t tell the difference between this band and like a million other black metal bands. So that’s definitely a bad thing. 5

The Abyss: My favourite black metal band are back with a new singer and new bassist and fuck me if they don’t kick even more ass now! Effectivly wiping out all doubt about being able to fill Jens’ shoes as vocalist, Kris takes on the vocal duties with a hunger only a sumowrestler in candystore can equal. With Kris sounding similar to Abbath of Immortal it’s only natural that also the music is taken a step back from the melodic approach on “Sheol” and what we’re presented with is a fast, intricate and sometimes even symphonic (in the arrangements, not the use of keys) album with nods to both “Vittra” and aforemented “Sheol”. It’s rawer, more thoguthout and I fucking love every second of it. 9

Derek: For some reason I expected a black metal band, never having heard of this band until now. Shock: I was right. I think “Naglfar” is Orcish for “stupid name”, but thankfully the contents of the album almost make up for it. As far as black metal goes, “Pariah” pretty damn good. Sadly, it’s really no different from any other half-decent black metal album. A lot of black metal cliches can be found littered throughout this album but, thankfully, shitty production isn’t one of them. With any luck, on their next album, Naglfar might introduce a new riff or two to black metal scene; thereby doubling the current number. Basically, it was free and worth every penny. 6

Ribspreader: Congregating the sick Ribspreader: Congregating the sick

5.8 /10

Lord K: I dug the last Ribspreader-piece quite a bit but this is not on par with that. Rogga’s vocals are great as always but I’m not really fond of what he’s doing musically. Old-school death metal with a pretty bad production is nothing I put on all that often. Rogga should listen more to God Among Insects for influences and instructions as for how to do shit. 4

Farlus: I highly enjoyed “Bolted to the Cross” and this record continues that. Rogga’s vocals are great, and I get a very old school death metal feeling overall from this album. Great stuff if you’re into that sort of thing. 7

Syrrok: So what happens once all the sick are congregated? Do not the sick need the well in order to hatch our their evil? Think it through, ultimate tough metalheads! If you’re just hanging around all the sick then soon you will all die off. Perhaps that horrible guitar tone will die with them. I’m being too hard on these guys. It’s alright but ABSOLUTELY nothing new. 4

Desert Eagle: Okay this might not be as good as I think right now. It’s just that almost everything before this sucked total balls. But hey what can I say, by comparison this is totally awesome. Brutal and shit. 7

The Abyss: Pound back 2 six-packs of beer, grab your baseball-bat and hop in the car to play some mailbox-baseball. This is neanderthalic death metal so knuckle-draggingly primitive and brutal I’m surprised the studio engineer let the band into the studio without covering the floor in plastic for protection against urine, blood and feces. Ribspreader is simple un-assuming death metal at its best and I think they’re perfectly happy about staying that way. Me too. 6

Derek: Nothing original or innovative, but this is still brutal and groovy as all fuck. I like this a lot more than 90% of the death metal out there. There are actually songs on here, not an infected cum load of difficult riffs. This album makes me want to punch nuns and set babies on fire, or bob my head enthusiastically to the beat; it’s a toss-up. If you want some death metal done right, give these guys a look. If you’re looking for a dose of post-modern existentialist englightenment, surreptitiously jazzy hooks, then just fucking kill yourself. Oh, and this album isn’t for you. Douche. 7

Atakhama: Existence indifferent Atakhama: Existence indifferent

5.3 /10

Lord K: Bands who reminds me of Norwegian masters Zyklon (as well as some Morbid Angel among other things) can do nothing but succeed with me. A sonic experience in tight-as-nun-ass musicianship and groovy riffing makes me wanna do the jig. And I can’t even fucken dance for shit. Killer as fuck. As I type this, Secthdaemon of Zyklon sends me a text-message. That is a sign. 8

Farlus: Interesting at times and gets my head nodding, but for the most part is bland, boring black/death. If you’ve heard one, you’ve heard ‘em all. 3

Syrrok: Terrific, another garage recording. Is this shit supposed to pass for black metal? I’ve heard this is Scott Baio’s favorite band and now I know why. Actually I don’t know why but I do know that Baio fucked Buddy often on the set of “Charles in Charge,” probably while listening to Atakhama. 1

Desert Eagle: One thing that comes to mind whenever I listen to Atakhama (aside from, “Hey what a shitty name!”) is, “Hey! Is this Behemoth?” One could honestly make that mistake. It has that black metal feel but then it’s death metal. And it ain’t half bad. 7

The Abyss: Holy shit, this caught me by surprise! Brutal punishing Finnish death with more than a hint of some norwegian blackened vitriol. Brutal stuff with just the right amount of hits of melody buried in the riffs and leads for me to actually appreciate the songwriting. PERKELE! 8

Derek: I don’t profess to know what Atakhama means, but when I say things like “this bands like to atakha-ma ears”, I make a failed saving throw versus my own cleverness, and giggle to myself contentedly. You too can join in on the laughter by checking out the shoddy production on “Existence Indifferent”, which is a title that perfectly sums up my listening experience. This is textbook black metal, with absolutely no reason for being. What’s the point of doing something right if there was no point in doing it in the first place. I snoozed through this one. Heh, “atakha-ma ears”, har har. 5

Shining: IV The eerie cold Shining: IV The eerie cold

5.3 /10

Lord K: I have read about these guys here and there but never cared about checking them out. Just one of those bands I knew I wouldn’t like. Well, fuck me, they are better than I could ever imagine. Pretty unique stuff here and there and it holds quite a neat atmosphere actually. Can’t say I’ll spin this on a daily basis but I’ll definitely let it run if it pops up in my Winamp on random. 5

Farlus: This music is pretty good, but Jesus Nutsucking Christ, the singer is TERRIBLE. He’s always singing like he’s got a cactus up his ass. He must be expressing the grim, trve pain he is feeling, but just ends up sounding like a cat in heat. Fuck, he pisses me off. Otherwise it’s dark, atmospheric music that I could get into if not for the awful vocals. 5

Syrrok: The studio sessions to record this album must have included John Pettrucci guitar lesson video tapes, gatorade, black demin, and season one of “Full House.” And we all know season one was the worst cuz DJ didn’t turn into a full-on slut until season 4. Oh yeah, this album is long. About 45 minutes too long. They could have wrapped up what they wanted to say in 4 minutes and I wouldn’t have complained. 3

Desert Eagle: Man, does this shit ever take a long time to build up to something… When it finally does, guess what? It sucks! The first song takes 3 and a half motherfucking-god-damn-asshole-shitting-out-shit minutes to get to the vocals. FUCK. 4

The Abyss: Swedish black metal that has evolved from very primitive “Norwegian”-style beginnings to a beast encompassing both blues and something more desolate and barren… Something creepy. Like finding-the-zombified-corpse of-Johnny-Cash-singing “Hurt”-in -the-back-of-your-barn creepy. Needless to say it’s a risky transition but to my surprise Shining pulls it off, not only with ease but with bravado. Just listen to the exquisite and tasteful bassplaying on the title track and let all your pent up nihilistic grief and wrath come flooding your mind. That’s what Shining is for. Sonic misery. And never have they done it so well as on this album. 8

Derek: Although most of the album I can’t understand, due to language and the death vocals, I quite like this band. They have a definite Opeth-like feel to them, although focused more on the heavier side of the prog-metal equation. (The side with less acoustic ballads and more dead hookers with their mouths sewn shut.) The long songs are a bit much to handle, but for the most part they work. I’d be interested to hear these guys again in a few years; I’m not blown away but there is some definite promise here. 7

Arise: The beautiful new world Arise: The beautiful new world

5.2 /10

Lord K: All I think about when I hear the name “Arise” is the Sepultura-album. Arise doesn’t sound like Sepultura though, they sound fuck-alot like late At The Gates, only not as brilliant. The fucks execute their shit without any flaws whatsoever, it’s just sad that nothing sticks. It’s just another one of all those quality-bands with nothing of their own to offer. There’s more of those in this edition. 5

Farlus: These guys are a mix of the best elements of bands like The Haunted, Soilwork, and Total Devastation (or maybe I could just say At the Gates). Lots of groove is laced throughout. It’s mostly fast-paced, but there is some darker, slower stuff amidst the thrashing. I’m a fan. If you dig the aforementioned bands, you’ll dig this. 6

Syrrok: What the fuck is a kinf? And why am I a “Kinf” yesterday and then a slave today? These fellas rock in mediocre fashion, sometimes even above average. But then their singer sings. 3

Desert Eagle: Well guys we have some sick music here with some unsick vocals. There’s also a rather offputting appearance of cowbell. I mean yeah I know cowbell kicks ass but, like seriously, what? I don’t know guys. It’s good but the vocals really kill it for me. 6

The Abyss: Quite competent Gothenburg-death that clearly’s been standing At The Gates for some time now waiting for their Arch Enemy to put him In Flames. It’s a real Soilwork but Arise aren’t any worse then the other Melodeath-bands. Sometimes they’re even good. Bonus for a very thick guitarsound. And thank Satan there’s no HC-breakdowns!! 6

Derek: This could be any number of other bands; Black Dahlia Murder, As I Lay Dying, or any other band with some quasi-emotive monkier with the word ‘dying’, ‘bleed’, or ‘murder’. Yes, it’s metalcore. Yes, it sounds like every other metalcore band out there. Normally this is where I’d say “well, at least these guys sound like they know what they’re doing”, but the more I consider the fact that someone, anyone — let alone a whole unit of people — would knowingly make such derrivative music, even opting for the generic metalcore production value, is fucking beyond me. Believe it or not, there is good metalcore out there; this just isn’t it. The New World may be Beautiful, but this album is that leprous-mule-looking ugly chick that you sleep with because you just drank a six-pack, a 40, and a bottle of windex. After you’re ‘done’ with this album, you’ll want to peel off your own skin because you just know it’s never coming clean again. 5

Devildriver: The fury of our maker's hand Devildriver: The fury of our maker’s hand

4.8 /10

Lord K: I don’t know why Devildriver manages to create some good shit every now and then, but they do. It’s the typical US-bullshit metal that we all loathe so much, but somehow Devildriver is a bit catchier than yer average shit. But I didn’t say it was awesome, coz it’s fucken not. And “Devildriver” is a shit-name. “Satan Chauffeur” is cooler. 5

Farlus: Seems like they took my advice after the first record and cut out the stupid growl rap that Dez does (well, except for on “Grinfucked”... bastards). This album is everything I had hoped the band would do with their second effort. It’s just fucking insane music that’ll make you say “Coal Chamber who?”. Good shit. 8

Syrrok: Devildriver keeps trying. They want to go on tour with Mudvayne so bad for the ultimate “We can’t quite be metal” tour, but alas, they’re stuck playing barns in Iowa. This band is boring beyond all comprehension. 2

Desert Eagle: Ugh you aren’t serious are you? You are? Damn. 2

The Abyss: Like Dickinson, Dez Falafel (whatever) of Coal Chamber tries to prove that he doesn’t need the band that made him famous. What he offers is some kind of americanized version of black/death the way it would sound if someone totally clueless to the genres tried to play it. In other words, the band has the chops, but no fucking idea how to put it all together. Well at least they’re trying their best and anything to keep Dez from reforming Coal Chamber is great. 4

Derek: Most people hate Dez Farfara; both the things he says, and the music his bands make. I’m not one of those people, although I would like to punt that midget for the 2nd half of Coal Chamber’s “Chamber Music” album. Devildriver now sound like their own entity; not like they’re riding coal Chamber’s coattails to pick up those 3 extra fans. This shit is fuckin’ heavy, and I actually like this album more than I thought I would, or ever wanted to. I should almost deduct points for them ruining my streak of slamming shitty albums. Seriously, if someone from Coal Chamber can do a good job, what the fuck is everyone else’s excuse? TOO MUCH COCK, THAT’S WHAT! 8

Necrophagia: Harvest ritual Necrophagia: Harvest ritual

4.8 /10

Lord K: I didn’t expect shit from Necrophagia but they suprised me with both a good production, some electronics, good songwriting-skills and some Carcass-esque riffing every now and then. Definitely a nice suprise in this round of AA. The vocals are a bit too loud in the mix for my full-liking though. 7

Farlus: Simple and heavy with a horror/gore theme. Fucking sick vocals man. Sounds like he’s gargling razor blades most of the time. This stuff is right up my alley. I like it just as much as “Holocausto de la Morte”. “Stitch Her Further” and “London 13 Demon Street” stick out to me as being memorable tracks. 5

Syrrok: I’ve recently learned these guys are from the NOLA area. I have Farloose to thank for that. But I have me to thank for learning that these guys pretty much suck. Hey, life’s all about learning! 4

Desert Eagle: A combination of video game music, techno, and dumb avant garde crap. Notice how none of that mention metal? Don’t let the video game aspect mislead you either, it’s not awesome like video game music. Oh yeah throw in some Halloween music too. Ooooooo, spooky. 2

The Abyss: I had written off Necrophagia as a joke-band since Killjoy sounded like a slightly less whimsical Fenriz in interviews. Guess I was wrong. While not music to discuss heavy philosophical debates and drink redwine to, this is at least not as retarded as GWAR. If Rob Zombie were to play death metal I think this is what he’d do. While the vocals are far from Zombie’s rock n roll yells, the horror-themes and musical interludes that pop up here and there gives Necrophagia’s slow chugging death metal that special carnivale-feel Rob Zombie’s excelled in. 7

Derek: Have you ever wondered what black metal would sound like with a good production value, and not coming out of Norway? Necrophagia have an answer for you; just as lame, only for different reasons. Yes, this album is produced well, however the guitar work is fucking weak — half the time it’s absent, while we get some slow-ass keyboards and indecipherable vocals; Satan, flesh, something-something, whatever… Considering how many lineups this band has had, you’d think Killjoy would finally get something right. Nope. There’s nothing too terrible here, but nothing worth mentioning. I got 3/4 through the album before I realized “fuck, I’m doing Java homework”. If your black metal inspires me to do homework, you’ve really missed the boat. Jackasses. 4

The Red Chord: Clients The Red Chord: Clients

4.3 /10

Lord K: The better one of the “Red” bands in this edition, without a doubt. Wicked song-writing and kick-ass drumming (not to mention the excellent drumsound!) seems like a good combination. It’s definitely metal with a twist. The only thing that gets a bit on my nerves is the vocals that are not as low’n‘growly as I would want them to be (the growl he does perform are cool though, it’s a shame they are not used that often), and the Slipknot “talk-and-tranform-into-a-scream” -thing is annoying as fuck. But it works nonetheless. I’ll definitely throw this album on more times. 6

Farlus: My initial impression of these guys was a Mastodon vibe, but that quickly went away. This stuff plain sucks. They have little complicated dirges, but mostly it’s just repetitive, bland, boring “music”. Choke on a diseased cock and die, please. 2

Syrrok: Now we’re talking! Yeah, this band might suck Jimmy’s british cock, but at least they entertain me with song titles. “Dragon Wagon” and “Black Santa” are all I need to give this horrible band a: 2

Desert Eagle: I won’t even mention the similarity between this band’s name and another band from this AA even though by saying I won’t I just did. This is like metalcore with death vocals so it’s somewhat better than most metalcore. That is not saying much. 6

The Abyss: A totally unknown band for me but they’ve had ex-Origin drummer John Longstreth with them so that should give you an idea of what they sound like. Intense br00tal death mixed with alot of technical thingamabobs and some grind-influences. It’s pretty standard stuff but they rule more times than they suck so that’s a good sign. Bonus points for a aggressive and satisfactory vocal-delivery by Guy Kozowyk. 6

Derek: This album is very reminiscent of Napalm Death, only with good production and some technical flare. Of course riffs that involve two or more fingers could be considered ‘technical flare’ in comparisson to Napalm Death… Anyway, The Red Chord dish up another steady, blugeoning dose of snare-heavy grindy goodness. There’s less of the screechy abrassiveness that made “Fused Together In Revolving Doors” a small-doses album, while this album is a whole lot smoother. Like a freshly oiled saw, lodged in your cunt. This shit does get old pretty fast, though. I don’t see what all the hype around this band is. 6

Nine Inch Nails: With teeth Nine Inch Nails: With teeth

3.8 /10

Lord K: The only thing that comes to my mind when Nine Inch Cocks is mentioned is what Barney Greenway wrote about the first The Project Hate-album in Kerrang; “Makes Trent Reznor sound like a pussycat”. Well, pussycats are cute, but they shit. And that sums this up. 2

Farlus: This album just screams “grower”. I hated it at first, but as it continued, I liked it more and more. By the end, I wanted to hear it again. I wouldn’t compare it to any previous efforts, it just seems unique in its own right. I’m sure my score would rise with continued listens. 6

Syrrok: This shit sucks. Why so many people buy this garbage is beyond me. So the dude can make a whole album on an iMac in one afternoon. It fucking shows! I’m just amazed that music with so many potentially awesome beats ends up sounding as sterile as a rock in a retards ass. 2

Desert Eagle: I wasn’t aware that we reviewed pop on this site. I could have sworn this was strictly a metal review site. Trent Reznor can suck my nine inch balls. (Yes I fucken listened to this crap too.) 1

The Abyss: If you release albums as seldom as Trent Reznor does you have to expect some nitpicking by fans and critics. Especially if your previous albums often has created new standards for other bands in the industrial/electronic genre. “With teeth” are slightly more approachable and accessible then “The Fragile” but it also lacks the highs and lows that made “The Fragile” such a epic and interesting work. It’s not bad by any means, in fact it’s downright fantastic many times, it’s just not my favourite N.I.N. album. 8

Derek: I don’t know what’s so ominous about “With Teeth” as an album title. Unless this is a concept album about getting head, I don’t see how teeth could ever be cast in a negative light. Regardless, this is yet another slab of existential angst, distilled from Trent Reznor’s usual bag of ingredients. Musically, the album is as devoid of life as your average hooker; and about as satisfying. (I had the most fun chopping it up into pieces and burying it in the yard.) I think I’d rather have had that felatio concept album; it’d blow on purpose. L-O-fucking-L. 4

The Red Death: External frames of reference The Red Death: External frames of reference

3.8 /10

Lord K: I wonder how many bands At The Gates actually influenced after their departure from the scene. Well, The Red Penis is one of them though they throw in quite a bit of other shit as well; hardcore-ish parts, mosh-parts, In Flame-ish melodies, semi-blasts etc etc. The problem is; you know when you get to hear something new and it’s all well-played and shit, but you just don’t give a fuck becoz most of the stuff you hear today is well-played? The Red Death is just one of those bands. 3

Farlus: Fuck metalcore. 0

Syrrok: These guys are going on tour with Good Charlotte this summer right? The triggered drums, poor guitar tone, unoriginal vocals, and stupid lyrics all tell me one thing: That I could take this same review and apply it to 798395872 other AA bands. 2

Desert Eagle: It’s a rare occasion when you get some really good metal from America, this is not one of those occasions. It’s some OK metalcore with awfu,l AWFUL, vocals. 5

The Abyss: So, nu-metal is fading like the fad it was (too bad it overstayed it’s welcome by oh, say 3 years) and american metalcore has really stepped up and shouldered the reeking crown of shit that used to belong to Limp Bizkit (they just released and album, did you know that? No? Great!!) and Papa Roach. Melodic death mixed with Hardcore is the new nu and VERY few bands manage to make something worthwhile from that clusterfuck. The Red Death belongs to the majority. 4

Derek: At first glance, The Red Death is another one of those really fast, really boring metal bands with a guitarist and drummer so in love with their talents that they compete to drown the other out. Sometimes it’s good to admit you’re wrong; this album is actually fairly diverse; the constant is speed and brutality, but every now and then there is the odd catchy hook or groove that seperates the beating into bite-sized servings. I get the impression of Zao fans who enjoy a bit more melody, and speed. Don’t let that scare you away, there aren’t so much similiarities as common influences. This seems like an actual album, not a shred-fest / wall of noise abortion. Good job. 7

Thine Eyes Bleed: In the wake of separation Thine Eyes Bleed: In the wake of separation

3 /10

Lord K: It would be nice if you could hear the snare. Either this guy is the lightest hitter in the world or (let’s hope so) whoever recorded this is deaf. Alot of shit is going on within the Bleed-camp, for sure. Nothing is that memorable though, no matter how neatly performed it might be. 5

Farlus: AHHHH LET’S SCREAM AT THE TOP OF OUR LUNGS AND PLAY SHITTY MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND FOR 9 SONGS!!!!!! Utter shit. And I listened to it twice! My poor, poor ears. 1

Syrrok: Kill the vocalist. Flush him right down the shitter. And perhaps write a song that doesn’t involve triple-picking? The album here makes me feel nothing. Luckily I have “MacGuyver: Season 1” to get me through this mess. MacGuyver, for those who don’t know, could make anything from anything. He could craft a satellite from a twig and semen. So I wrote Richard Dean Anderson and asked him if he could make Thine Eyes Bleed sound decent. He has yet to get back to me. 2

Desert Eagle: This is the last album I reviewed for this month and I am tired. My mind cannot think of a witty way to say these guys suck so please think of one for yourself and attribute it to me. Thanks. Love, Desert Eagle. 3

The Abyss: Okay… I think this is thrash. With some other stuff in it, sometimes death, sometimes something dangerously close to hardcore. All in all I must say that it’s pretty damn repetative, especially the vocals. Shut up already, it’s almost like I wish for another HC-breakdown. 3

Derek: Have you ever wondered what your shit would look like if you ingested nothing but cream corn, laxatives, and Diet Tab Cola for 3 months? I’m thinking shit-smoothie, with ‘flavour lumps’. Anyway, if you took that and pressed it into a disc, it would probably have a little sticker that said “featuring Tom Araya from Slayer’s brother”. Lackluster production and weak songwriting have basically made this album a redundantly redudant death metal release. Don’t waste your money on this disc; cream corn and Tab Cola are cheaper, and you’ll feel about the same. 4

Extol: The blueprint dives Extol: The blueprint dives

2.2 /10

Lord K: Extol for some reason reminds me of Stimorol. Only the taste of the latter is more exciting. Vocalist vs. Good = 0-10. 2

Farlus: Who listens to this shit?! Fuck metalcore and anything that sounds like it. 0

Syrrok: This album “sounds” really good. I wouldn’t go as far as to say the music follows suite, but at least the faux metalcore/farting/teardrop vocals are audible. Month after month we review bands who try soooo hard to find their niche in the metal world. They try to find SOMETHING to set them apart from the next band I’m about to review. No dice. 3

Desert Eagle: This is basically U2 with distortion. 3

The Abyss: Oh, for the love of fuck, give it up! What the fuck is this fucking shit? Emo-screamo-nu-metalcore fucketiyfuckingfuck-metal? And you expect me to listen to 50 min of this? Guys; a) Sell your instruments because fuck knows that’s the only way you’ll be making any money on your music. b) Kill yourself. If you’ve actually gotten royalites for this pice of shit album, go directly to advice b). 1

Derek: At times these guys remind me of Poison the Well, only with less endearing qualities. At other times, I get a “Ms. Johnson’s Third Grade Band Covers Opeth” feeling. Either way, I’m getting aurally molested with the vigor of a clammy-handed, cabbage-smelling, bus-stop pervert. It’s not so much that I dislike the music, it’s that I wish it had never been recorded so I wouldn’t be here complaining about it. I swear to god one of the verses was “I just wanna hug and kiss you”. I’m all for bands making their fans feel appreciated; but not when your album makes you out to be gay for me. I mean, I know I’m a stud, but anyone who writes a song called “Gloriana” is probably the “I just wanna cuddle” type of fag that just grosses me right out. 4

GZR: Ohmwork GZR: Ohmwork

1.7 /10

Lord K: If GZR was a penalty-shot the puck would be the size of Mars. Which basically means it would be hard to move with a hockey-stick. 2

Farlus: “Plastic Planet” rocked, what the fuck is this shit? Bring back Burton on vocals, this rap rock bullshit has got to go. I’d be embarassed to have my name on this if I was Geezer. 1

Syrrok: Truly laughable. I was watching “A-team” while listening to this album and lemme tell ya… B. A. himself stopped mid-episode, stared at me through the TV and said “That’s some horrible metal, sucka!” 1

Desert Eagle: This is really sad. Not because Geezer is above this, because, honestly, Black Sabbath sucks. That’s right, fuck you, I said it. It’s sad because the only reason this band has any success is because Geezer is in it. Fucken garbage. 1

The Abyss: G/Z/R was only really relevant when they had Burton C. Bell on vocals, with him the music had a heavily distorted guitarsound with alot of Fear Factory-moments. This on the other hand, is fucking weak. The only thing that saves this nu-metal sounding rock-album is that we’re given a glimpse of how much worse it could’ve been. There’s some rap on “Prisoner 103” and well…. Like I said, it could’ve been worse. There could’ve been rap on the entire album!! 2

Derek: We need a new Sabbath album, and bad. I liked the first GZR album, even if it reminded me a lot of fear Factory thanks to Burton C. Bell’s vocal slot. The band’s second album, with Clark Brown on vocals was also very good; if not completely ignored by anyone and everyone. “Ohmwork” proves that record labels will release anything attached to Sabbath these days; if Geezer Butler weren’t behind this sorry-ass, derrivative, sad-sack piece of radio metal lite, then I never would have had the displeasure of enduring it. This is really weak material; if it was released solely for the Sabbath association, then I’m sure that’s the only reason anyone is going to buy it. This fucking blows. Extra harshness since a veteran like Butler should know better. 3