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Global Domination | Audio Autopsy | Audio Autopsy - May 2005

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Audio autopsy

Audio Autopsy - May 2005

01/05/05  ||  Global Domination

Nile: Annihilation of the wicked Nile: Annihilation of the wicked

7.5 /10

Lord K: Can someone pick up the remains of what used to be me? If the Egyptian gods listened to death metal, they would have been proud of what Nile is doing. 8

Farlus: Every fan of any form of death metal needs to hear “Lashed to the Slave Stick”. I can’t get enough of it. This album sees Nile cut down on the instrumental stuff and stick more to the death metal. The album length suffers as a result. It could definitely use some more tracks. However, the band still delivers a solid effort worthy of your attention. 9

Syrrok: I thought metal dudes were supposed to Annihilate the Christians, not the wicked? I guess TPH’ll handle that job. Well, what we have here is Nile. Just Nile. I have nothing else to say. 5

Desert Eagle: Some really brutal shit but only one song really stuck with me and that’s “Lashed to a Slave Stick”. And when you only like one song off an album then that doesn’t say too much for an album does it. Good effort. 6

The Abyss: Being one of the most unique bands in Death metal-land (it’s similar to La-La land but the inhabitants say “Let’s do a side-project sometime” instead of “Let’s do lunch sometime”) is a heavy burden. Scrutinizing eyes follow your every move. So when you’re Nile every change in concept you make is gonna be judged heavily from assholes like me. “Annhilation of the wicked” is great, but I do miss the heavy icing of middle eastern influences and sounds from previous albums. Now it’s mostly full on Death. Good, but not good enough. 8

Derek: Someone has seriously got to kick Karl Sanders in the balls for some of these song titles. At the rate he’s going, the lyric booklet for the next album will BE the tracklist. That aside, Nile have created the best record of their career. “In Their Darkened Shrines” was excellent, but this new album just amps up the brutality; the band is way more focused here. There’s still plenty of Egyptian symbology littered throughout the album, so all you history majors—no doubt a core part of the death metal fanbase—can continue creaming in your pants because someone else knows about the same obscure shit you do. It’s a little early to call album of the year, but this is a serious contender. 9

Defleshed: Reclaim the beat Defleshed: Reclaim the beat

6.2 /10

Lord K: Get ready to be blown away, beaten up, terrorized, left for dead, sonically raped, abused and tortured. There’s no way you won’t enjoy it even. Defleshed just decided it’s about time to reclaim the beat (very lame reference, I rule) and throw a coctail of massive thrash and blasts right in yer fucken face. I’m floored. 9

Farlus: I don’t like the repetitive, methodic nature of this music. Songs like “Aggroculture” seem to be a little bit better about varying the drumbeats, but it’s not enough to save this album for me. And even if the drums and guitars varied enough to suit my tastes, the singer reminds me too much of Dimmu Borgir for me to enjoy the vocals. I wanted to like this album, but it’s just really not my thing. 5

Syrrok: This album lasted a WEEK in my ipod. That’s amazing considering my low level of tolerance for shit that sounds like this album. Defleshed is makes an attempt at originality, and they seem to be having fun playing their instruments. I’m not one to get in the way of boys having fun with their instruments. 4

Desert Eagle: What bothered me about this album is that the drums were too prominent and repetitive. I heard the same beats throughout each song and it got old really fast. Otherwise I guess it’s decent. What genre is this anyways? Dack Metal? Bleath metal? Please don’t kill me with sticks for not liking this. 5

The Abyss: Defleshed really has a fitting name. They rip the flesh from your bones, eat it raw, shit it out and plants your empty cranium on top of the pile of feces that used to be your weak little body. And there’s still 11 more songs left. Plus Gustav has one of the coolest death/thrash vocals EVER! All hail da Flesh! 9

Derek: Interesting band, but not my thing. The title makes me think of bad DJ records, and the music is a grating brand of death metal (Edit by Lord K: Nope, it’s not). The drummer is insane, but I’m not hot on much of the guitar work; it seems to repeat itself a lot and it’s all very static. “Red Hot” is the best song on the album, but it’s totally out of left-field. (I’m professing ignorance here, I don’t know if it’s a cover or not. Edit by Lord K: Yes, it’s a cover. By a band called Mötley Crue) For this song alone, the album was worth listening to. It’s track 8, though. Not my thing. 5

Sentenced: The funeral album Sentenced: The funeral album

6.2 /10

Lord K: For being labeled depressive and suicidal, Sentenced creates a suprisingly happy brand of music. And it’s pretty cheesy as well. Cheese is not cool. 5

Farlus: This album is gayer than a 50 man circle jerk onto a single piece of toast which Richard Simmons then rolls up into a phallic shape, fucks himself, and devours in a single swallow. It’s sad that these guys have been around for fifteen years. That means that for fifteen years (assuming every album before this was in this vein) that people have been going ” – Wow, great music! I can relate to your homosexual emotions!” whenever they turned this crap on. I hope for humanity that this is just some “We’re old and we’ll play whatever we want, you whippersnappers” album and not what the previous efforts sound like. They need to play tracks like “Where Waters Fall Frozen” and not this other melodic bullshit that comprises the rest of the album. 1

Syrrok: I did a full review of this album. So let me summarize. Not good enough to say this is your last album. 7

Desert Eagle: Fucken awesome album right here and I’m sad as hell to see these guys go. They’ve really kicked it up on this album. The lyrics are potent and meaningful as always and the musicianship has definitely improved. Fuck man, why do they have to stop now? FUCK I SAY! 9

The Abyss: Last album of the Finnish suicide-squad and while not their best work it is still upbeat metal with depressive lyrics, a formula that are uniquely Sentenced. Perfect music to drink beers to in the summer. Bonuspoints for the very funny nod to their humble Death metal beginnings with “Where waters fall frozen”. 8

Derek: Holy shit, break out the poison kool aid, we’re having a suicide party! I am not too familiar with Sentenced, so I don’t see the big deal about this being their last album. They’ve always been the masters of ruining a good mood, and this release is no different. Good stuff, but not my usual cup of gravy. Dark, melodic, heavy, depressing. At least they’re going out on a good note. (Note to self: you’re so clever.) 7

Divine Empire: Method of execution Divine Empire: Method of execution

5.6 /10

Lord K: American death metal. Poland and Sweden does it better. Haven’t I said that before? 4

Farlus: Not what I expected at all. While at some times they lapse into just some standard death metal, most of the time they play some really atmospheric music. If death metal were alcohol, Divine Empire would be a glass of straight whiskey with a little pink umbrella in it. While they still retain the aspects of death metal you love, they venture off into places that it normally doesn’t go. They even have an instrumental track on here that sounds like something you’d hear on a classical radio station. I really like that track, especially since it includes a violin piece, which is my favorite instrument other than my penis. 7

Syrrok: Method of boring riffs mixed with a bad case of the acoustic blahs is more like it. I guess it’s better than Morissey. 3

Desert Eagle: The main problem with this album is that it has 16 fucken tracks. Come on guys, no way you thought you could make an album with 16 awesome tracks! You know why, because you fucken didn’t! About half are awesome and half suck. But the good tends to outweigh the bad so.. 7

The Abyss: 60 mins of Divine Empire is at least 30 min too much. US Death with some traces of european influences here and there, mostly in the clean breaks and solos. Good slightly black metal-ish vocals but liek I said, the album is way too long. Next time, weed out the weak tracks, mmkaey? 6

Derek: It took me a few listens to truly discover there is more to this band than generic death metal regurgitation. The few fleeting moments of melody add character to the songs without making you feel like someone blew a load of radio-friendly spooge in your ear. “Random Beheadings” is an awesome song and will give you a taste of their capabilities for the brutal side of metal, while “Storm of Hatred” shows the band trying their hand at more diverse melodic song. All in all, good stuff. Not my favourite band by far, still a quality release. 7

Aborted: The archaic abattoir Aborted: The archaic abattoir

5.5 /10

Lord K: High-quality death metal that sounds like every other high-quality death metal band out there. There’s absolutely nothing to complain about if death metal is what gets you wet. 7

Farlus: This music feels like there’s something you have to “get” to be a fan of it. I’ve heard earlier Aborted material and dug it, but I guess I just don’t “get” this. It bores me more than trying to jerk off without porn. 2

Syrrok: An Average attempt at Ass-kicking Alchemy (Alliteration is (a)hard). Maybe it will come across stronger to me once the vocalist finally dislodges that sperm from his throat. 6

Desert Eagle: Yeah Aborted.. A boring band. Get it? ABORted, A BORing band?! Geez I don’t know guys, I guess it’s pretty brutal shit but I really don’t remember anything I heard. 4

The Abyss: “Goremageddon” was one bitching album and now as I check out the latest from Aborted I must say “The Archaic Abattoir” is a step down. I feel there’s some Hardcore-vibes here that don’t really fit Aborteds usual Carcass-style gore-death. Still, it’s in no way a bad album. 6

Derek: Since everyone loves imaginary genre names, I’ve decided to call Aborted “thesaurus-core”. I’ve had to consult one at least a dozen times whenever they put out a new release. Their song names remain as retarded as ever, but thankfully I don’t enjoy Aborted because I like to read. The music slays; they’ve backed off on the all-out technicality and take the time groove now. This is some truly magnificent work. Who knew guys who wear wooden shoes could be so evil? 8

Meshuggah: Catch thirtythree Meshuggah: Catch thirtythree

5.2 /10

Lord K: I don’t have the strength anymore to understand what Meshuggah are trying to accomplish and I guess that’s exactly how they want it to be. I miss the “Destroy, Erase, Improve” era. Impressive drum-programmins though. 4

Farlus: The only Meshuggah albums I’ve really paid much attention to are “Destroy Erase Improve” and “Chaosphere”. This new album seems to rock pretty hard, but it has a couple of peculariaties that don’t sit with me. First off, songs seem to continue and end on an odd basis, not with the actually track changes. I guess that’s supposed to be “innovative” and “unusual” but I just find it annoying. The first three tracks seem to be the same song, and in other tracks songs seem to end and begin midway through. I don’t see the sense in it. Also, the spoken part with the 80’s voice effects on “Mind’s mirrors” irks me. Otherwise, a pretty good record. What you’d expect from a band as unique as Meshuggah. 6

Syrrok: Tried to clever, but with a bad base riff. Nope. 2

Desert Eagle: Yawwwwwwn. Please wake me up when it’s over, I have other CDs to listen to. Hopefully they won’t suck as hard as this one. 3

The Abyss: You all wish you could be as cool as Meshuggah. But you’re not! This is an album to be viewed as 1 song divided into 13 sections and that’s really how it comes out best. Play it all the way through without skipping and you’ll find an excellent piece of music with many different moods and tempos (this is Meshuggah after all). Many of the songs aren’t strong enough to stand up on their own, but then again, they’re not really songs. Immerse yourself in Meshuggah. 8

Derek: Apparently suffering from small-balls syndrome after Hypocrisy released “Catch 22”, Meshuggah are back with “Catch 33”. The title sucks, I’m not into the ‘artistic’ side of the band, but the music outright fucking kills. The lyrics are a lot better than “Nothing”, they don’t have that annoying cheap-barbituate-and-brandy stream of consciousness feeling to them. Not that, you know, I’ve ever pictured Meshuggah sitting around in smoking jackets, brandishing pipes writing this shit. Killer album. Get this. Now! 8

The Monolith Deathcult: The white crematorium The Monolith Deathcult: The white crematorium

5.2 /10

Lord K: With a super-moniker like that they better deliver some quality-shit. I dig what these guys do and I applaud the really dark atmosphere they create every now and then when not blasting away like there’s no tomorrow. 6

Farlus: These dudes have the perfect mix of brutality and technicality in their death metal. Any death metal band that can put a spin on the music and deal out things that are seldom heard (but awesome additions) in the genre gets thumbs up from me, cause it’s so common these days for band to just keep putting out what’s already out there. Good work. 7

Syrrok: Stupid band name. Stupid album title. Stupid music. Fucken Crotchbags, stop writing this stuff and go back to your carpentry jobs! 2

Desert Eagle: I always found it amusing when bands were listed as “brutal death metal”. I know this isn’t the bands fault but I mean come on, it’s fucken called DEATH METAL. It should be brutal by default! Damn man. Yeah so this is brutal but boring so it’s like watching a chainsaw cut someone in half without blood and gore flying all over the place and the person doesn’t scream and totally shit themself. 5

The Abyss: With a sound like a mix of Zyklon and Nile and a album with the unifying theme of war, death and such fun thing The Monolith Deathcult are the biggest surprise of this months AA. 8

Derek: I remember a while back this band was cluttering up news sites with their denial of being racists. After finally hearing the album that was mentioned in each news story I don’t think the band is racist; unless releasing one-dimensional death metal is somehow a hate crime. Everything is well-produced, but all the songs do is bludgeon. The closing track has to be heard to be believed; cheesy voiceovers, slow riffs, and something that sounds like German folk music. This album is worth a look, how much more than that is up to you. 6

Pro-Pain: Prophets of doom Pro-Pain: Prophets of doom

5.2 /10

Lord K: I’m enjoying this a little more than I’d like to admit to. Pro-Pain actually grooves sometime and “One world is not enough” holds one of the catchiest opening-riffs I have heard since Alice DeeJay destroyed the world with “Who needs guitars anyways?”. 7

Farlus: One look at the song titles and a listen at the lyrics and hooray, we have another anti-Bush / anti-Iraqi war album. What innovation. You’re a little late. I wish I could completely bash the album, but I kinda dig it. Ironic that I end up liking music with messages totally against my beliefs (hello, “Ashes of the Wake”). In a world where complexity is praised and simplicity is laughed at and called “nu-metal”, I can appreciate those who still stick to the basics and just rock out. 5

Syrrok: I wonder if the lead singer of this band is bald? I wonder if this band synchronizes their headbanging on stage? This album made me throw on Hall & Oates. ‘Nuff said. 1

Desert Eagle: I don’t even need to listen to this (of course I will, ahem Farlus!) to know exactly what this is going to sound like. Now to some this is good because it shows consistency. I on the other hand find it a little boring. But hey at least the government still sucks, right guys? 6

The Abyss: These Hardcore-veterans knows their stuff. Heavy, rhythmic and pissed off Pro Pain shows the new kids on the block just how metal and hardcore should be forged together to keep from sounding stale and unoriginal. But just like Divine Empire I find the album to be a tad bit too long to keep my attention all the way through. 6

Derek: Cool, some hardcore that doesn’t hide behind low tunings and thick production. As I’ve come to expect from Pro-Pain, the riffs are solid although quite standard fare for the band. The political content gets annoying, I don’t live in your fucking country—behold my raging indifference. The songs rock, the lyrics blow, and somewhere in the middle the album lies. If you haven’t heard enough politicore (see, I can make up genres too) then this is right up your alley. I don’t personally care what you like “up your ‘alley’”, that’s your business. This album’s pretty good though. 6

Candlemass: Candlemass Candlemass: Candlemass

4.7 /10

Lord K: Claiming to have created a classic album in the veins of their earlier (which is all classic shit as matter of fucken fact) material, Candlemass are back with their (almost) original line-up (atleast it’s the line-up that counts to the people). Unfortunately this disc doesn’t deliever as much as the hype (from the band itself) would claim it would but it’s a step up from the 400 bullshit-albums they have released since “Tales of Creation”. I lost faith in Candlemass a long time ago, this self-titled cd restores a little of it but not by far as much as I hoped it would. But thanx to the first 4 albums from these masters of doom, Candlemass will always be one of my favourite-bands. 5

Farlus: I didn’t listen to “Epicus Doomicus Metallicus” enough times to know exactly how this sound compares to that era’s sound, but I don’t remember them quite being alike. I remember the old stuff being more doomy. That said, I really like this album. The song titles are out of hand (“Black Dwarf”? “Copeeeeeeeernicuuuuus”?) but that can be forgiven. These guys are still kicking ass despite the worst h5. in history. 7

Syrrok: Ah, our generations classic rock right here. Classic Doom. Whatever. Classic shit. 2

Desert Eagle: So how long did it take for them to make this piece of crap? I swear the singer was walking to a power metal audition but a doom metal audition was closer so he went there instead. God is that even funny? It’s not is it? Whatever I’m probably going to get tons of shit for saying anything by this “classic” band is anything but excellent. 3

The Abyss: Sweet! The old doom-gods have returned and to my surprise they sound quite hungry and happy to be back. The tempo is generally faster then before but there’s some nice slow old creepers to be found too. “Candlemass” sounds like the perfect mix of Abstract Algebra and “Nightfall”-era Candlemass. Nice going guys. 7

Derek: This must be what Jon Nodveidt is talking about when he says Dissection is “anti-cosmic”. Although I admit that “cosmic metal”—provided Candlemass’ spacey lyrics qualify them for such a title—is pretty fucking boring, Jon Nodveidt is still a babbling retard who should be dipped in boiling tar and serial raped by mountain lion high on PCP. In case you’re wondering why I haven’t talked about Candlemass much it’s because the album bored me to sleep. I snooze, you lose. 4

Black Label Society: Mafia Black Label Society: Mafia

4.5 /10

Lord K: Zakk is one of my fave-guitarists but what he’s doing musically with BLS (short for “bullshit”?) appeals to me as much as putting gasolin on my cock and setting it on fire. Ok, BLS appeals to me a little more, but just a little. 3

Farlus: My reviews of the rest of the AA albums have been delayed for weeks because I keep playing this record. It may not rank up to the earlier material (not sure, haven’t heard too much of the earlier stuff), but some of the songs here are just so great that I can’t help but listen over and over. I really like the ballads too, like “Dirt on the Grave” and “In This River”. Top it all off with a killer Lynyrd Skynyrd cover at the end and you’ve got a pretty good record. Plus Count Zakkula is probably the most ridiculous and coolest nickname I’ve ever seen. 8

Syrrok: All the artificial harmonics in the world can’t make me sit through 3 minutes of Zakk’s voice. You can tell some of these songs were written in 5 minutes. 2

Desert Eagle: WAAAAOOOOHH I NEED A BEEEERRRR. Zakk’s singing is a lot like his beard. It’s rough, soaked in beer, and probably has a lot of food in it after a big meal. OK with BLS you get some good music mixed in with a lot of shit guitar solos and awful singing. The bad outweighs the good big time. 3

The Abyss: Somebody ge this guy some cement-shoes wil ya? Lukewarm rock ‘n roll and heavy metal with Zakk trying his best to sound like Grandpa Ozzy over some pretty sub-standard songwriting. I don’t fucking think so. And please return the talk-box to where it belongs. With Bon Jovi. In the 80’s. Next! 4

Derek: Zakk Wylde continually amazes me; he looks like a viking warlord and sounds like a waify British ex-acid head. The transformation is complete; Zakk Wylde is Ozzy Osbourne with musical talent. I’m not a big fan of Black Label, but this is definitely one of their better albums. I just wish he’d stop singing like Ozzy in his less-than prime years. The riffs are solid, but like with most Zakk Wylde material, the songs can run a little long. 7

Total Devastation: Reclusion Total Devastation: Reclusion

4.5 /10

Lord K: I dig their name, I dig the electronic shit thrown in and some of the riffage kinda grooves. Total Devastation has their points but I need more to be fully impressed. 6

Farlus: I’ve been listening to Total Devastation since the “Left Hand of the Devil” demo and I’ve always been a big fan. The band just had a groove and brutal meld that I always dug. However with this record they seem to drop the groove down and thrash more. This is not a welcome change with me. Some of the song structures I like are still there, particularly in the closing track, but this record sounds more like noise and less like groove and I don’t like that. 4

Syrrok: It’s nice these boys have a hobby. Too bad it’s playing in a shitty band. I doubt their friends will even pay for this crap. It’s called cohesive song structure assholes! Look into it! 2

Desert Eagle: My god they use waaaay too much flange. It sounds like someone blowing through a plastic straw into a microphone. That sounds about as good as it feels getting my cock sucked with a plastic straw. See because it’s too big to be sucked by a plastic straw so that wouldn’t be very good. Just like this album. It’s not very good. Do you understand? 4

The Abyss: What’s the matter boys, had a happy childhood or something? With a name like Total Devastation you better go berzerk in every single song damn it! Make me believe it, work for it! Sure you play groovy deathmetal with some machine-like sounds/details thrown in for good measure but the real, genuine feeling aren’t quite there. Once more, like a REAL motherfucking Finnish bear! 5

Derek: Standard heavy, melodic metal. I like the sound, for the most part; some of the keyboards make the album sound like a music box being tossed around in a thrash band’s mosh pit. Overall, though, a good album. Total Devastation live up to their name quite masterfully, although I wouldn’t call myself a die-hard fan after hearing this. Good stuff, and I’d like to hear more. 6

Born From Pain: In love with the end Born From Pain: In love with the end

3.5 /10

Lord K: I hate metalcore. 2

Farlus: Jamey Jasta would love this band. They do their best to do a good Hatebreed impersonation and I have to say, as I dig some of Hatebreed’s work, that I like this band. The vocals piss me off every now and then because they vary even less than my wardrobe but the music is still good to these ears. 6

Syrrok: Uh oh, hardcore voice. Tough guy Choir choruses. All this equals taking a shit in my mouth and calling it metal. These guys fuck each other after shows while wearing their black t-shirts and hats. 1

Desert Eagle: Ah yes the hardcore band with 3 words for a name. Sounds similar to Bury Your Dead. And that sounds similar to MY EARS BLEEDING. No that’s not a band, just me being clever and witty. Fuck these asshats. 2

The Abyss: Hardcore with wanky tapping-solos? What the fuck? Sure, it’s a novelty but I’m not sure it really fits. When it comes to the sound in general I think this is one of the better Hatebreed-clones, just too bad I don’t really dig Hatebreed. 5

Derek: It took a lot of convincing that I wasn’t listening to a new Hatebreed album, but allegedly this is an album by a band called Born >From Pain. Add a bit of death metal riffing to Hatebreed, and subtract the unique production sound of Zeuss, and here’s what you’ve got. This is good heavy stuff, but I already own a few albums worth of the same routine, and that sounds better. Nice try, but this isn’t a neighbourhood battle of the bands. We at GD know what dominates, this does not. 5

Havochate: Cycle of pain Havochate: Cycle of pain

3.2 /10

Lord K: For some reason I though Havochate would be a full-on death metal act, which they are not. Shame for them. 3

Farlus: These guys reminded me of Pantera for about 5 seconds then they just went downhill very, very fast. The singer has no redeeming qualities and the music is just terrible. I’m glad there were only seven tracks to listen to here because if I had listened to this stuff any longer I’d be short one set of speakers and one window. 1

Syrrok: I love thrash more than anyone, but this shit misses the mark. There’s no way white high-tops were worn in the recording studio during this one. Respectable riff grooves here and there, but why stop after two or three? Pour Jager on your guitars next time. 3

Desert Eagle: Well I had this playing in the background while I was playing a game and it didn’t really bother me I guess. I remember stopping and thinking, “Hey these vocals really suck ass!” But that’s really about it. A big EH from me. 6

The Abyss: Anyway to make this album any more forgettable would be if the bandmembers got collective amensia and forgot they even had a band together. The songs all sound the same, your production is murky, your singer has too much reverb and sounds like a 3:d rate Phil Anselmo and I’m sure your lyrics are stupid. And your bandname sucks too. 3

Derek: Don’t talk to me about pain; listening to droning power metal that tries very poorly to be menancing, there’s pain. You can almost hear the edits in the music, and the kick drums sound pathetic in some instances—how do you record something that badly in a studio? Whoever produced this fucked up bad, and the band needs to pick a vocal style and stick with it. Lame. 3

Fantomas: Suspended animation Fantomas: Suspended animation

2.3 /10

Lord K: You just invented a new level of Teh Suck and Teh Shit. 0

Farlus: I can’t believe I just listened to 30 tracks of this nonsense. People LIKE this kind of shit? I guess this is what happens when art fags get together and make music. The only reason this doesn’t get a zero is because admist all the ridiculous crap there’s actually some good MUSIC. Otherwise, I didn’t know you could just throw together a bunch of cartoon samples and weird noises and call it an album. And even worse, people would praise it and buy it. Something is seriously wrong here. Goddamn Mike Patton. Only Satan knows why Lombardo would even consider being part of this crap. 3

Syrrok: Avant Garde doesn’t belong in metal. 2

Desert Eagle: Fuck you Mike Patton. This is not creative or cool or interesting. It’s retarded fucking irritating noise. Pretentiousness at its highest. 0

The Abyss: In-fucking-sane. Let me repeat: Fantômas are In-fucking-sane. You really need to be in the right frame of mind to appreciate this, or it’s just noise. But when you are in tune with the band, it’s pure brilliance. In a way this is more straight forward then the debut album (which also was made up of many short “songs” with whacko noise and dadaist vocals) but I find “Suspended animation” harder to digest, probably because the cartoonish style annoys me. Still the creativity and tihgt performances alone deserves at least a… 7

Derek: I’m a big fan of Mike Patton and most of his work since leaving Faith No More. This release, however, has me at my witt’s end with his “zany” schtick. Most of this album sounds like some douche bag loaded 100 random albums into their Winamp play list, and skips to a new random song every 10 seconds. Add in some ambient stuff that, while nice, is a brief respite from short punk-influenced moments, and you get a pretty painful experience. The novelty’s fucking worn off; Looney Tunes samples have no place in music, stop raping my childhood, choke on a cock and die you fucking cockbiting, ball-bagging bitches. Minus extra points for not even taking the time to name the songs properly; concept album, fuck you. Fuckers. 2

Beheaded: Ominous bloodline Beheaded: Ominous bloodline

2.3 /10

Lord K: Beheaded hired a t-shirt to produce this album and the result is obvious. Irritating and untight kicks de luxe together with a shit-guitarsound and br00tal (stop being such a copy-cat Farlus) death metal impresses no one. 3

Farlus: If you’re a fan of CDs full of tracks that all sound the same, pick this one up ASAP. Bland, repetitive “br00tal” death metal. I swear, most bands that have a past tense verb for their name need to experience that act firsthand. Where’s my guillotine? 2

Syrrok: The question remains, how is it that an album can get a worldwide release if a band can’t record it anywhere other than their mom’s basement? This album sounds like a combination between a seal’s fart and a dead seal’s fart. 1

Desert Eagle: I remember a song called “Beheaded” by The Offspring. That was some fucked up shit. He sang about killing his dad, mom, girlfriend, and shitloads of other people. Oh but anyways this sucks. 3

The Abyss: Boring vocalist that sounds like cookie-cutter brutal death-gargling with some pig-vocals thrown in for good measure. Brutal but totally forgettable death/grind. Next! 3

Derek: It’s a sign when you can’t even say the band and album name without laughing; this is some seriously cheesy shit, whether they intended it or not. Unsurprisingly, Beheaded play death metal, although the fact that they have a pregnant sow handling most of the vocals is a bit weird. Whoever titled their songs either speaks Orcish as their native tongue, or is severely mentally handicapped. “Ill Remains”, WHAT THE FUCK. Say there Jim, that corpse looks a little under the weather, oh, and did you hear? Beheaded sucks big dangling donkey dick—while pigman watches and touches himself. 2