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Audio autopsy

Audio Autopsy - May 2006

01/05/06  ||  Global Domination

God Among Insects: Zombienomicon God Among Insects: Zombienomicon

7.5 /10

Ripper Bendix: A masterpiece of filthy, pus-festooned, shit-reeking, festering, unpolished DEATH. Every single note on this album sounds like it carries Ebola or something. Caligula definitely has some top-notch growls going on (as well as some seriously deranged lyrics). I love this album to fucken pieces. 9

Rafal: The sophomore album of GAI is way better than 2004’s “World Wide Death” because of 3 reasons: 1) the songs groove like a handicapped retard on crack. 2) the production surrounding this shit is by far more organic and natural. 3) Caligula’s vocals are now more up front, filing up what was previously missing. The album is as dirty as 80-year-old whore’s cunt and as brutal as a strong horse-kick in the balls. Old-school death metal performed by these guys makes other bands look like Cradle of Filth. Thumbs up. 8

Desert Eagle: Um, K? Do I have to review this? I don’t want to get fired. 10! Seriously though, GAI remains the same band it ever was which, love it or hate it, is how a band like this should be. I don’t want to see any weird experiments with this band. Like trying to mate squirrels with kittens. That would be weird. 7

Syrrok: I’m a K-blowjobber for sure, we all know this. That being said, the theme of “zombies” is pretty weak to me. You know why? Because zombies are not scary – ever. They walk slow and only kill in numbers. BUT, the theme lends itself well to all-star death-metallers GAI. As everyone has noticed, the production is up about 150% from the first effort and so is the songwriting. Caligula’s vocals actually make the album BETTER for me this time, which is nuts. Golden T and Eloffsurgery give it all they got and K, well.. I’d still blow him. 8

Fishermane: Guys who listen to this shit on the metro scare me. ” – Hey asshole, stop staring at me while thinking about zombies!”. So says my sister. She did like the music though, so that’s good. This relatively simple yet efficient brutal metal serves its purpose, although I still think it’s somewhat mediocre at times. If I rate it an 8, I’d just be kissing ass. If I rate it a 6, I’d get fired. So I’ll go with a 7. (Note TO the Lord: Haha, you guys almost got beat by a band called Moonspell!!!) 7

The Abyss: I’m about 15 times more impressed with “Zombinomicon” than I was with “World Wide Death”. The riffs are faster and more interesting, the hooks are better and the drumming of Tobben is outstanding and really lifts the songs. Overall, this is fun brutal old death that are very far from being technical or flashy, just gritty and fleshy. 6

Zyklon: Disintegrate Zyklon: Disintegrate

7.3 /10

Ripper Bendix: Zyklon are unreachable when it comes to quality and technical class it seems. This album amazes me even more than its predecessor and who woulda thunk that this was possible? Fry mah hide, Cletus! This is excellent shit. 9

Rafal: The top-notch crushing death metal of these four Norwegians is actually the missing point in the music-chain. If it were up to me, I would move this album way up high to the top of “best death metal cd’s”-list. I’m really at loss for words. The winner for me this time around. 10

Desert Eagle: It’s all heavy and fast riffing and stuff. Makes me pretty stiff so that’s a good sign. It’ll probably make your cooter wet, you fuckin’ vag. 8

Syrrok: This is a tough one. A big fan of the vocals. I mean… BIG fan of the vocals, they probably shred anything I’ve heard this year, short of TPH and Satariel. But I just can’t get behind the riffs all that much. As unpredictable and hybrid as they are, they flow too far off in distant directions for me. For this reason alone I have to give them the kool-aid score of: 6

Fishermane: I’m still very new to Zyklon, and I’ve noticed that many people are rather fond of them, especially on this site. Me? Shit, I’ve always admired bands that start with the letter “Z”. Zakk Wylde. ZZ Top. Zero 7. Zero One. The Zutons. Zorgman-Drolff & The Kitchen Chairs. Anyways, this is pretty brutal black/death metal with a certain touch of class. I dig. 4

The Abyss: Zyklon fucking crushes and that’s that. Continuing to explore the path they started on with 2001’s “Aeon” you could say that “Disintegrate” is “Aeon” Extra Everything. The groove and riffing is skullcrushing, the melodic fills and solos are even more melodious and hey, Trym has actually found a drumsound that doesn’t sound too Casio!! Still, it’s not better then “Aeon” for some reason, just equally fucking good. 8

Isahn: The Adversary Isahn: The Adversary

6.2 /10

Ripper Bendix: Could very well be that a lot of thought and meaningful shit went into this album, but on the other hand that’s also the case with watching paint dry. Which coinsidentally is what I’d rather do right now. 4

Rafal: Is it the new Emperor album I’m listening to? No? But it sounds as if it was. Complex and epic at the same time, with a strong emphasis on the vocal side of the material, the way we all like it. I can say nothing more than that the debut kills. Plain and simple. Just like everything Ihsahn did with Emperor. I wish I could meet him and give the fucker a hug and kiss for being such a cool mofo. However, for the time being I’m only able to hand out a few kudos via the Net. I hope he will be happy when I mark this album with a well-deserved: 9

Desert Eagle: Something of eclectic variety of metal here. But I guess that isn’t saying much. If it were like country, jazz, and grind then THAT would be pretty eclectic. ANYWHO, this is actually good. Well done Emperor-singer! (Add a point to your trivia scorecard if you knew that!) 8

Syrrok: Time to drudge through the forest of suck. Boring crap that I’d trade for some early 90’s hip-hop in a second. The keyboards are thrown in there stupidly, and don’t even get me started on the vocals. 1

Fishermane: I was pretty much raised in the “clean vocals automatically make a metal album gay, and so are you if you like them” school of extreme metal. Idiotic? Yes. Ignorant? Yes. This is still a pretty good album though, and Ihsahn is obviously a highly talented individual. 7

The Abyss: I’m one of the 5 people in the world who really liked Ihsahn’s other project, Peccatum, and with that in mind I’m not surprised I like his solo-effort as well. The album is jampacked with ideas and influences but are somehow still tied together thanks to Ihsahn’s experience and talent. This isn’t Emperor, this isn’t Peccatum, this is something grander. 8

Cannibal Corpse: Kill Cannibal Corpse: Kill

6.2 /10

Ripper Bendix: Short and very fitting title. This shit kills indeed! 9

Rafal: I have never been a huge fan of Cannibal Corpse but this one came as a nice surprise. Not too many calculations and ultra-complex structures but straight and powerful songwriting with technical overtones to top it off instead. It’s the first CC-album I can listen to non-stop without the feeling of boredom. Who could have expected that coming? 8

Desert Eagle: Unsurprisingly, Cannibal Corpse writes yet another album that sounds exactly like all the others. More unsurprising still, it’s not very good. 4

Syrrok: It’s like leather socks, uncomfortable but necessary. Barnes still isn’t there, I’m happy. 5

Fishermane: When it comes to Cannibal Corpse, I’m one of those dicks that still lives in the 90’s, back when Chris Barnes was running shit. Unfortunately, I never properly adjusted to Corpsegrinder. I actually liked “Vile” when it first came out, but I was a virgin then so therefore my opinion was irrelevant. This is well-played, brutal-as-fuck death metal, but I can’t fall in love with it the way I should. Fans of newer CC should love this though. 6

The Abyss: Same old CC. They do what they do best and as always leaves me unimpressed. Ok as background-music but nothing more. II feel this must reflect on my score. 5

Enforsaken: Sinner's intuition Enforsaken: Sinner’s intuition

6 /10

Ripper Bendix: Heard better – heard worse. Again, one of those cd’s that just won’t stick out or make an impression on me. 5

Rafal: My first contact with this Illinois-based band and I’m floored. Thrash/death metal following the best way, turned up to the maximum and with a lot of aggressive and sharp riffs flying around. At times we are on a more progressive edge (a’la Death) but all in all, it is a rollercoaster-ride. Energetic and fresh output for all those who have not yet forgotten how to bang their heads. 9

Desert Eagle: Why don’t you take a little seat there and I’ll tell you a story. One time, not too long ago, I was listening to Enforsaken. Bear in mind that I was listening with headphones. Suddenly a radio right next to me blasted on the alarm and scared the scat out of me. True story. 6

Syrrok: Thrashy death-stuff and for once the vocals don’t totally kill it. I’m ok with it and it will probably loosen up a few assholes on this AA board we have. I’d say it still lands in the purgatory of all death metal that sounds the same after 4 songs though. 4

Fishermane: Nice mix of black/death metal with some groove to it. “The Slain” is definitely my song of the night. +3 points for me actually liking this shit. -2 points for me being drunk right now, and not remembering any of this tomorrow morning. 7

The Abyss: American death/thrash/black metal. Not as crappy as it sounds, but not too exciting either. I’d rather masturbate with Vicks vapour-rub for those cheap thrills. 5

Moonspell: Memorial Moonspell: Memoria

5.7 /10

Ripper Bendix: Well, they pretty much sound like they always did, don’t they? Thanks for not surprising me with metalcore or something. 7

Rafal: I have already reviewed it and as far as I remember, I gave them an 8. I have not changed my mind so far, so let them have the 8. They are good, more metal and brutal than ever before. Just like Mike Poggione doing a go-go dance around his bass. 8

Desert Eagle: As far as I’m concerned, Moonspell has one great song and it’s not on this album. So that’s bad news for this disc. I do have good news though. I just saved a bunch of money on my car-insurance by switching to Geico! 4

Syrrok: “Moonspell” was the name of my first pony. Therefore, my rating of this album will be anything but impartial. I give this album a 5 because Moonspell was a fucking cunt of an equine. let me share a story. I was born and raised in Norway. As a child, I was out in the fields one morning, riding “Moonspell”, as per my daily routine. The weather was particularly hot that morning, and Moonspell and I had a moist time of it. Upon returning home, I thought I’d have a cool treat to satisfy my parched mouth. I went to the freezer, BUT IT WAS EMPTY! I angrily rushed out of the house, bumping my knee on the doorjamb in the process. Now I was moist, had a dry mouth, and my knee hurt! I sat down on the porchsteps and cursed my life. Nothing ever went right. But I thought to myself, “At least I’ve got Moonspell, my one true solice in this world gone mad”. I sat there for a few more minutes, rubbing my knee, and decided I’d go say hi to Moonspell and calm my nerves. Well as I turned corner of my house, there sat Moonspell, sleeping in the shade of my favorite oak tree, mouth covered in chocolate! Upon further inspection, I NOTICED AN EMPTY BOX OF FROZEN BANANAS NEXT TO HIM! MOONSPELL ATE MY LAST FROZEN BANANA! So I kicked Moonspell in his fat horsehead and moved to America. So basically, fuck this trecherous band. 4

Fishermane: I’ll be completely honest, I didn’t really want to like this. I have a personal grudge against wizards, magicians, clerics, enchanters, etc, and therefore hate anything related to wands and spells. I don’t exactly like planets either, and I’ve always thought the moon could go fuck itself. But this pseudo-gothic-blackish-doomy metal was quite good. Mage guilds and astrologers unite. 7

The Abyss: The fuck happened to you guys? Just as I was suitably blown away by the only worthwhile Moonspell-album (“The Antidote”) they go and change their style into something that leaves me not just cold but practically freezing. It may be the faster tempo or the over-reliance on (weak) growls, but the sour taste of a goth-band trying to be death metal lingers heavily in my mouth. At least I still have “The Antidote”. 4

Impaled Nazarene: Pro Patia Finlandia Impaled Nazarene: Pro Patia Finlandia

5.5 /10

Ripper Bendix: ImpNaz destroys all kind of shit and rule. That being said: I always find it hard to listen to a full ImpNaz-album in one go because after a while I just click off and get distracted. It is a bit different with this album here. More songs manage to get my attention so I guess it must be pretty fucken good, haha. 7

Rafal: If you read my “real” review of this stuff, you know I enjoyed it a lot. They got rid of the ultra-melodic parts (Finnish syndrome?) that ruled the previous album and made all the sweet solos vanish in the name of straight forward black metal. This albums is short, brutal and to-the-point. Nuclear metal for life. 8

Desert Eagle: Fact! Impaled Nazarene are from Finland. Falsehood! Finland has many lakes. Truth! The bassist of Imp Naz needs to come back to the forums. Dirty Lie! I know much about Finland. 7

Syrrok: Impaled Nazarene is like my first meal of the day. I’m not even into it. 2

Fishermane: I’ve never actually heard anything from IN, though I know they’ve been in the game for a while. I gotta be honest, I’ll give these guys props since they didn’t come soft, but fuck I can’t stand this. Every song ends up sounding the same to me, fast and annoying, and I’m not too keen on the vocals. I need groove. 4

The Abyss: There’s not really any reason why I shouldn’t like ImpNaz. They got a shitload of energy, speed and hatred and make it all sound believable. But still I feel something is missing about them. There’s a monotony to their sound that makes listening to a whole album quite demanding. This blend of black metal, punk and vodka isn’t bad, it’s just not my cup of tea. 5

Fragments of Unbecoming: Sterling black icon Fragments of Unbecoming: Sterling black icon

5.5 /10

Ripper Bendix: Kinda okay stuff. Nothing more, nothing less. 5

Rafal: The name gives me metalcore-vibes but fortunately, these are only vibes because these Germans warriors eat, sleep and fuck with the Swedish death metal stuck up their asses. They are walking the same road as Dismember and Grave which means it ain’t a lullaby for good children. It’s old-schoolish, mid-paced metal with sloppy drums and dense guitar-sections, often playing melodic riffs thrown in for a good measure. Nothing more. Nothing less. I’m smiling. 7

Desert Eagle: I personally think there should be a class that teaches how to name bands. Or maybe how NOT to name a band. Either way, as long as in the end you don’t have a name like Fragments of Unbecoming, then you pass. 7

Syrrok: Each song on this album likes to pretend that it’s going to give me some melodic fingerbanging, but then I just get silly stuff that drags on for 5 minutes too long per song. Fragments of Unbecoming? What does that even mean? The vocals are normal death-junk, and guitars border some Dark Tranquillity-vibes, but in a “totally worse” sorta way. 3

Fishermane: This reminded me of Kataklysm for some reason. Maybe it’s because they kind of sound like Kataklysm. Decent death metal. 5

The Abyss: Modern melodic death that I, to my surprise, find myself actually kinda digging. The production is sort of hollow but I can’t really argue about the songwriting. Sometimes they sound like Hypocrisy and that’s always a plus! 5

Vore: Maleficus Vore: Maleficus

5.2 /10

Ripper Bendix: How come that only the death metal releases in this AA seem to impress me? Shit, I’d love to see this band live! 7

Rafal: Slow and chugging death metal is what this album contains, inside out. Vore grab downtuned melodies and build actual songs around them with very intense guitars and drumwork. The heaviness is putting these tracks over the top and it’s a good sign. They have taken me aback, how sweet. 8

Desert Eagle: You can really hear the bass-riffs in this band. That is so not sick that it’s fuckin’ like cold medicine or some shit. 3

Syrrok: THERE IS NOT ONE FUCKEN THING THAT DISTINGUISHES THIS BAND FROM ALL THE OTHER NORMAL DEATH METAL STUFF WE ARE ALL BORED OF! 2 (cuz it’s still metal)

Fishermane: I don’t have anything particularly interesting to say about Vore. Thus, I’ll pay homage to Lord K for this review by writing in his style since he gave me his spot this month. This is probably what he would say in regards to Vore: “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Why is my penis so thin? If I was a bird, I would fly! Why doesn’t Fishermane participate in my poetry? Bingo rules! LOL! Global Domination time girls, high five! On the flip-side! ROFLMAO!!! In Sweden, our micro-waves go WRRRRRRR…” 5

The Abyss: Well-played death metal firmly coasting in the mid-tempo lane, not caring about being overtaken by faster bands. And why should they? Their homage to bands like Bolt Thrower, Grave & Entombed has plenty of fuel to take them to the finish-line. 6

My Darkest Hate: Combat area My Darkest Hate: Combat area

5.2 /10

Ripper Bendix: The bandname kinda sums up what I think about this specific style of music. 4

Rafal: Holy cow! I hear Decapitated-influences here and there, mostly because of the sharp, start-stop riffing and Messhugagag (what was the name of this band?) math-approach when it comes to songwriting. All songs roll on the track like a well-oiled steam-engine on jet-propelled fuel. Me likes it. 7

Desert Eagle: Heavy and pretty sweet, like a big cookie! Mmmm, cookies. It seems as if these dudes failed to notice the bass-knob but cranked the treb-knob, if you know what I’m saying. This shit’s like a desert. 7

Syrrok: I guess My Darkest Hate enjoy combat-areas. From the first riff to the last I realize one thing: If this band was a hockey-penalty they’d be icing. All over the fucken rink and a complete annoyance. All kinds of bands do this war death metal better. Go find them. 3

Fishermane: I waited for the very last minute to comment on this band. They weren’t good enough to push me to write down something significant at a first listen. On the other hand, they weren’t bad enough to make me spend time trying to think of some witty insult, or twist their bandname into something involving male-genetalia. Midtempo decent head-banging horn-throwing semi-brutal death metal. 5

The Abyss: Solid, no-frills death from Germany (I think), and while not original in any way shape or form, this get’s my foot tapping and that’s good enough for me. Not really memorable songs as much as memorable parts of songs. Taken for what it is, it’s fair enough. 5

Yakuza: Samsara Yakuza: Samsara

5 /10

Ripper Bendix: Yakuza get on my nerves so fucken much that it isn’t even funny anymore! 3

Rafal: I had a hard time getting into it, but damn, it was worth the effort. I have not heard such an intelligent and fresh mix of styles in a long time. The album is full of unexpected start-up’s and turn-down’s that make it stand out from the several new releases I’ve got to listen to lately. Recommended. 8

Desert Eagle: This band is not, and I repeat: IS NOT, what we refer to in this fine metal-like business of ours: good. In fact, they’re bad. Just so you know. 2

Syrrok: These guys must be great to go to vintage recordstores with. I bet they know all kinds of shit that would just surprise the fuck out of you. The metal they give us is all over the place, as you’d expect. I think I heard a saxophone. Alright, that’s fine. The groove is there sometimes, the confusion as well. Overall I dig the shit out of this. 7

Fishermane: I’d rather wake up with a full set of breasts than listen to this semi-experimental-hardcorish-almost bearable at times-whatever metal again. Then again, I’m a pretty freaky guy so that doesn’t say much… 3

The Abyss: Not everyday you hear post-HC in the vein of Mastodon and Today Is The Day mixed with saxophones. Not bad though, it gives the abrasive, harsh music an even rougher edge as I can’t think of any instrument, except for violin, that can sound so discordant and chaotic as the sax. Odd instruments aside, this is pretty cool music with some really anguished hardcore-screams mixed with distorted growls. If they continue like this their next album could be a masterpiece! 7

Satyricon: Now diabolical Satyricon: Now diabolical

4.8 /10

Ripper Bendix: Kinda pretentious music for equally kinda pretentious people who own Nietzsche-books but never kinda read them. Kinda. 5

Rafal: Spray the word “S.U.C.K” all over your chests and call it a day. My review of “Now, Diabolical” is in the works as I type this, therefore I would like to leave a room for insults. That’s that. Over and out. Scream and Shout. 4

Desert Eagle: Man, when I heard the music I was like, “Shit, it’s hard to tell if I’m gonna like these guys”. But then the vocals came in and man… did they ever suck DICK. Hah, oh man… Thanks for making my work easy for me. 3

Syrrok: Now lets not hold success against these guys. Lets just hold the fact that they were ever successful in the first place against the entire human race. The best parts of this album are the tingly middle-parts set in slower motion. Those get a little groovy. Unfortunately the rest of the song always comes too quick.3

Fishermane: This is another group I never had a chance to listen to prior to this. All I know is that they named one of their previous albums after a, ummm, volcano. Some guy I work with once dressed up as a volcano to try and intimidate me. Anyways, that was then, and this is now. Diabolical. Swift. Seriously though, this black/rockish metal is pretty catchy if you give it a chance. 7

The Abyss: The overall tempo may be slower than in the days of yore, but nonetheless: Satyricon continues to impress as musicians and while the rock and “ordinary” metal-influences are stronger, it’s clear that the dark satanic spirit is still there. Equal to “Volcano”, pales beside “Rebel extravaganza”. 7

The Gathering: Home The Gathering: Home

4.2 /10

Ripper Bendix: I think Anneke van Giersbergen is fucken cute, and I fucken love well-made pop-music every now and then. Nice shit to have a heartache to or something. Still waiting for a song which won’t leave my head again, though. 7

Rafal:Is it good or bad? I’m in two minds. There’s nothing remotely wrong on this album, though it doesn’t appeal to me to the fullest. Anneke’s voice lifts the music up to the higher level of smoothly shaped pop-rock, but the songs themselves lack power and vitality. I stopped halfway throught the album the second time I spinned it and was unable to move forward. It’s meant for someone who likes romantic (?) goth-pop first and foremost, so I better put it aside. 5

Desert Eagle: Alright, so I have easy cheese next to me and the can informs me that there is a bacon and cheddar flavor, which excites me. Now if I were to label the Gathering as a flavor I would probably call it Tori Amos mixed with Shit. With MORE shit. 1

Syrrok: Ah, the first “flute” metal band I’ve ever reviewed for this site. I should post that shit someday as I remember it well. Well folks, would you believe they’ve become even flute-ier? Ok, they’re just as much flute as always, but way more Finnish. I could use more mandolins, or more cd’s to listen to besides this one. 3

Fishermane: If I ran a decent record label, Gathering is the first band I wouldn’t sign. 3

The Abyss: Slow, atmospheric songs with female vocals and some electronic elements in it. Perfcet for when you wanna soak in a hotub with some scented candles…. Question is, what the fuck is it doing on GD? It’s quite good, but not metal by any stretch of the imagination. On musical merit alone I’d say this is a: 6

Eden's Fall: Harmony of lies Eden’s Fall: Harmony of lies

4 /10

Ripper Bendix: We sound a bit like Exodus, don’t we? Not very innovative, but it sure as hell sounds pretty nice. 7

Rafal: I thought this one would be right up my alley. I was wrong. The music itself is quite decent (so are the vocals) but I do not find anything intresting in (re)playing sounds that resemble (read: copy) Nevermore in many ways. It’s good background-music to chill out to, yet it doesn’t say much. If I was a metal-adept, I would prolly masturbate over it, but I’m not and my liking says I should give them a: 6

Desert Eagle: Where do bands find singers like this? I bet it was a close friend and they didn’t want to tell him that his voice sucks real bad. I’d tell my friends though. What’s up Tony? 3

Syrrok: This is some definite “top of the mountain” heavy metal. Without a chalice in one hand there is really no reason to listen to this effort. The music is pretty well-played, but so is live rap-music. 3

Fishermane: The night before I got ready to listen to this album, I saved all the song files in a folder on my desktop. That folder also contained some of my favourite porn-clips, fastidiously selected from some of the sexiest, dirtiest, hardest, yet classiest, sources that I had collected over the years. But somehow, all of the Eden’s Fall songs had mysteriously disappeared the next morning, and all my clips had turned to gay porn… 2

The Abyss: Is this thrash? Fuck if I know. It’s some kind of metal with a rather unpolished production that seems to mix thrash, heavy metal and some kind of nu-metal รก la Soil or Godsmack. Not terribly interesting though. 3

Lacuna Coil: Karmacode Lacuna Coil: Karmacode

3 /10

Ripper Bendix: Thanks. NO thanks. 4

Rafal: Let me say that as much as this album may seem to be “Fragile”, I’m unable to write a positive word “To the edge” of me. To tell you the truth (which is also “Our truth”), there is no force that would make this music stay “Within Me” longer than it actually did. I’m not “Devoted” to any kind of gothic outputs because “What you Create”, goths, doesn’t suit my taste. Frankly, “What I see” here is a pile of pop-ish riffs taken straight from an arse of someone who lost his/her “Fragments of faith” along the way. The “Closer” and more carefully I try to listen to it, the more I’m blinded by the “In visible light” of fakery and retardness. I’m out of “The Game” as of now with one simple message to Lacuna Coil: you suck big hairy balls and I can admit “Without Fear” that I’d rather “Enjoy the Silence” than put you into my player once again. Do these words have any sense? Very unlikely. This rating will make sense though. 2

Desert Eagle: What does K call riffs like these? Like it’s fuckin’ not heavy at all but they’re trying so hard to make it sound that way. Not to mention that dude, the singer, needs to join one of those acting-troupes that tours around, doing plays. They still do that, right? Ok good, so my statements stands. 4

Syrrok: Masturbation-metal for sure. The hooks you find here and there aren’t enough to salvage this “mid-level club metal”, rock-garbage stuff. The hot chick chimes in on some parts of the album, and let me be honest folks – it’s really unnecessary. Unless you buy the album and wank to some of the pics the service of the lady is complete nonsense. Fucken Jo must be rollin’ her eyes like a motherfuck. 3

Fishermane: Judging from what has been read to me (I can’t read myself), I expected this to be some half-ass radio-friendly metal-pop with some degree of charm and catchiness. I wasn’t charmed, and I wasn’t catchied. 3

The Abyss: God, you’re boring. There’s not a single interesting thing about Lacuna Coil as long as Christina stays out of porn. The music is wishy-washy pseudo-emotional female vocals over boring nu-metal riffs and horrible growls. 2