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Global Domination | Audio Autopsy | Audio Autopsy - October 2005

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Audio autopsy

Audio Autopsy - October 2005

01/10/05  ||  Global Domination

The Project Hate MCMXCIX: Armageddon march eternal The Project Hate MCMXCIX: Armageddon march eternal

9.6 /10

Syrrok: Read the review I did with Chazzle. This is my favorite chunk of music that I can remember. There’s no stopping this band. 10

Farlus: Was there any doubt this was going to be my pick of album of the year? Jesus Christ, the guys have outdone themselves again. Somehow J continues to get better, growl deeper, and sound more demonic in general. Valiant effort by Jo with her vocals. Much more variation in her style this time around and that’s a great thing. The composition on this album is top-notch, with superb attention to detail. Perfect blend of groove and brutality (and this album is far more heavy than any previous effort, listen to songs 4, 5, and 6 for proof). I think what really ties this one together and makes it above and beyond all the previous ones is (surprisingly) the bass playing of Michael. The guy is a monster and plays just some wicked, wicked stuff on this recording. There’s a part on “Bleeding Eyes of a Breeding Whore” that gives me goosebumps every time. A fuckin’ bass player gives me goosebumps. Anyway, if you haven’t heard this shit, get it now, and immediately buy it when it comes out. Make sure you listen to it with your headphones too, in order to get the entire experience. It’s a must, and this album is a must. 10

Desert Eagle: Well they did it. TPH managed to make an album that surpassed the previous in every way possible. However, giving it a 10 would mean they could never do better so I can’t give it a 10. I know the next album will shit all over this one which is what I love about this band. FUCK YEAH! 9

The Abyss: One of the best albums of the year, I’m sure. Actually I’m not sure, I’ve listened to this album countless times and there are still new riffs, vocal melodies, scraps of lyrics or drum fills that surface with each listen. Effectively mending all the shortcomings of previous albums, this blend of death, drum ‘n bass, goth and… stuff, shows the TPH progression curve pointing the same way as my cock. Straight up! And if anyone suspects I’m just brown-nosing because Lord K runs this site, fuck off and stop disrespecting my integrity.! 9

Derek: I’m not even going to pretend to be unbiased here. I have nothing but good things to say about this album; it’s everything you know – or should know – about The Project Hate, taken to a new level. The production is fucking amazing, and the mixing shows the fingerprints of a master. This is how you fucking make music. To my friends in The Project Hate I say excellent fucking job; this is a masterpiece of brutal music. I’d like to think Mieszko would be proud. 10

Ripper Bendix: This is a totally different caliber than TPH’s previous releases. It’s not the same stadium, it’s not even the same fucken sport. This album is out of this fucken world! I wonder how anyone could create something this complex without going completely crazy. This baby will spin in my cd player until I fucken die, or until something better comes along…which means NEVER. Everything on this album is perfect. The production, the musicianship, everything. If you don’t see this, you’re either fucken blind, deaf as a lamp post, or both. Or probably affiliated with Monstrosity. 10

Exodus: Shovel headed kill machine Exodus: Shovel headed kill machine

6.8 /10

Syrrok: If this band was called Mexodus and wrote instrumental themes influenced by the sound of illegal Mexican immigrants leaving California, I would care. I don’t DIG Shovel Headed Kill Machine. But 7

Farlus: Last time I checked, it wasn’t 1985, but Exodus sure as hell play like it is. These guys are fucking relentless. Great album to trass ‘em all to dess. 7

Desert Eagle: Hearing this back to back with Children of Bodom really just shows me how shitty Exodus are. They’re like an incredibly lame version of Bodom with even cheesier lyrics. Ouch guys, ouch. I do not care who’s been around longer! Time to give it up, fuckers. 3

The Abyss: Are there ANY original members left in Exodus anymore? Fuck it, who cares when the music sound as nut-kicking as this? Not boundary-breaking, just nut-kicking. Gary Holt still hasn’t lost his touch and deals pissed off thrash riffs like there’s no tomorrow, energeticly backed by the rest of the band (and especially Paul Bostaph on the drums). The album title sucks a lot of Bay Area cock, though.. 6

Derek: Wow, what can I say… I expected nothing from these old bastards; especially considering the rather low calibre of releases from older bands (I don’t care how legendary you are; when you start releasing tiresome, rehashed solo shit like Nuclear Assault, or cast-off Simple Plan songs, you suck!). Exodus, despite losing a huge chunk of the band after “Tempo of the Damned”, have stepped up to the plate, and in a big way. This album fucking kills. This album defines thrash; fresh blueprints from the old master engineers. Buy it, play it, love it. FUCK YEAH. 9

Ripper Bendix: Nice to see some fucken consistency here. Exodus still sound like they are supposed to – which is a fucken miracle since there’s only one original member left after all the mess that preceded this release. I tip my hat to you, and that’s all you gotta fucken know. 9

Old Man's Child: Vermin Old Man’s Child: Vermin

6.6 /10

Syrrok: Old Man’s Child makes My Two Dads look like Paul Reiser’s pinnacle…old man’s child also makes young boy’s penis look like middle aged asshole. But I enjoy the production and many of the riffs. As I do a sundae after a blowjob. 8

Farlus: Is this supposed to be black metal? If so, add another black metal album to the few I like. The vocals are shitty at times, and the synth sounds like something out of the 80s, but otherwise these guys deliver some punishing tracks and don’t waste time doing so. Most of the songs check in at under five minutes so they don’t get boring. Solid effort. 7

Desert Eagle: While it is disappointing to see Barker go, OMC managed to do just fine without him. This is one of the few black metal bands I can really get into. Loaded with melody and sick guitars (SIIIICK) this shit really works. 8

The Abyss: Oh Galder, what have you done? your time in Dimmu Borgir seems to have rubbed off in a BIG way! Your previous albums have always entertained me because it sounded like DB, only slightly heavier, but now it has crossed the line. That’s it, our engagement’s off! 4

Derek: Although this is pretty good, this sounds like it could easily be a Dimmu Borgir album. Personally, “In Defiance of Existence” was a lot more unique. This album is quite good, but it just sounds too close to Galder’s main band. The lack of clean vocals is a big plus, however. 6

Ripper Bendix: Clean guitar intros are overrated, but as long as some sort of Myrkskogian massacre follows afterwards I am a happy fucker. After a furiously satisfying start, this stuff gets a little generic for my taste. A bit like Zyklon or the aforementioned Myrkskog at best, and a bit like Dimmu Borgir on coke at worst. There aren’t MANY bad moments though, and even though this album doesn’t pull the salami off my bread like a fucken black metal tractor, it sure is damn fucken nice. 7

Cathedral: The garden of unearthly delights Cathedral: The garden of unearthly delights

5.8 /10

Syrrok: Cathedral should PRAY for some talent! This is one GARDEN that could use watering, because these riffs are DRY! 3

Farlus: Fellow staffer Blas says these guys are a mix of Sabbath and Celtic Frost so I’ll just go ahead and agree with him. They play a wide variety of music styles, which gets a thumbs up in my book. “Corpsecycle” is a bit too poppy for me but besides that, I dig the album. The 26 minute song didn’t grate on my nerves too badly until about 20 minutes into it. I guess that’s better than it could have been. 6

Desert Eagle: Oh boy, I really love it when a band starts a song with fucking irritating noise. The music itself is almost as irritating. It’s like doom punk rock. Gayyyy. 3

The Abyss: You can always trust Cathedral to give you that special “I’m high without smoking anything” vibe that makes you wanna put on a striped knitted sweater, flares and dance around like a hippie in your living room. “Tree of Life and Death” invites a REAL doom dance and “Upon Azreal’s Wings” has a surprising Morbid Angel-like heaviness to it. Strong stuff, guys. 7

Derek: As soon as I found out that the retail pressings of this album would smell like apples when you played them, I have been desperately trying not to make some lame joke like “smells like apples; sounds like shit”. And then these assholes had to go and make a damn good album like this! Fuck. I so want to hate this stoner doom stuff but, man, when you do it this well… Respect due. 7

Ripper Bendix: Oooooooh, I’m getting 70’s vibes from this. Kinda like sad, drunk Spiritual Beggars. The title track is 26 fucken minutes long and Lee Dorrian fucken dominates. This is a pretty damn multifaceted album. At least too multifaceted to be labelled “doom metal”. A multi-purpose album. Either you party and dance like a zombie, or you sit home alone and cry, or you empty three bottles of Absinthe and kill yourself. 9

Nominon: Recremation Nominon: Recremation

5.8 /10

Syrrok: Is there a correlation between absolutely shitty metal bands and naming shit (monikers/albums) with words that end in “tion”? That’s a stupid point. But this is a stupid album. Couldn’t get past the 4th track. 2

Farlus: This would have been my top pick for AA this month if TPH hadn’t been on here. This album is fucking killer. Old school, groovy death metal. Why haven’t I heard of this band until now? Stellar recording. “Sickening” is, well… sick. Give this one a listen immediately. 9

Desert Eagle: OK let us think of an acronymn for that band name. Well, let me anyways. OK uh, shit, forget it. If those guys can’t put that much thought into creating music why should I put that much into reviewing them. TORCHED. 3

The Abyss: Oh yeah! Death thrash to the MAX (and I’m not talking about Cavalera)! This is cool shit, a strong 80’s vibe and a raw production that does the even rawer songs justice. Like The Crown’s unruly and drunk younger brother, Nominon should be a staple at every party where there’ll be beer involved. 7

Derek: How the fuck do you recremate something? The only possible way you could reburn a pile of ashes is to have fucked it up in the first place. Maybe they should have called the album “Sloppy Corpse Disposal”. So then I could have said “maybe they should have called the album “Sloppy Songs Played By Idiots”, and then’d you’d laugh, and I’d laugh, and Nominion would die a little inside. But no, they ruined that for me too! 5 [note from Tash: or perhaps they were deathing up the word “recreation”.]

Ripper Bendix: You give me good death metal, me love you long time. 9

Centinex: World declension Centinex: World declension

5.8 /10

Syrrok: Everytime I hear the name “Centinex”, I can only think of one thing. A vacuum cleaner. Or a residential home developer. [note from Tash: that would be 2 things then, sweetie Definitely NOT good metal. 2

Farlus: Is this the first band we’ve done two albums for in AA? At least, I think we did these guys in AA already. Anyway, it’s some average death/black stuff. Some cool parts that make me tap my feet and nod my head, but other than that, studying for a test is more interesting than the music. 5

Desert Eagle: Even though I could have sworn I just reviewed this band a few months ago, I don’t mind doing it again. They’re still better than most other bands I have to review for AA. Some really slick death metal. 7

The Abyss: Pretty vital for a band celebrating its 15th brithday! Centinex play balls-on death metal in the slightly more melodic vein (think Dimension Zero, not In Flames), blessedly free of keyboards or drum loops. Excellent execution, nice raw production but the songwriting still isn’t 100% (more like 70%).. 6

Derek: I don’t know why, but for some reason I thought these guys were a flamming power metal band… Other than the fact that these guys really know how to play, there’s nary an ounce of power metal to be found here. To these ears, this album is a very good mix of black and death metal, and some wicked production. The drums sound triggered, but – for all you guys who get their panties in a bunch when people point it out – they prove that it’s not always a bad thing. This. Shit. Kills. 7

Ripper Bendix: If you put any more middle frequencies in the mix I’ll hunt you down and punch you! Speaking of punch: the songs have a lot of, let’s call it “punch potential”, but due to the weird production they don’t really get the chance to take a swing, which is fucking sad because this blacky-thrashy baby is right up my alley, and perfect for some nice fucken anti-social behaviour on my part. Yes, that was ONE sentence. ...and Tash is right proud of you. 8

Swallow the Sun: Ghosts of loss Swallow the Sun: Ghosts of loss

5.8 /10

Syrrok: Even though 3 of their members are currently dying of AIDS (sorry. I meant LIVING with AIDS) it’s great that they don’t let their low t-cell counts affect their music. Keep on swallowing, boys. We’re tuggin’ for you. 5

Farlus: I need to listen to this album some more, but I dig it to begin with. It’s some cool atmospheric metal, great stuff to chill out to. It reminds me of Opeth sometimes, My Dying Bride at others. It’s very doomy in some songs as well. This is probably something you have to hear many times to truly appreciate everything that’s going on. 7

Desert Eagle: I really want to like these guys because they have a couple of really awesome songs, and lots of awesome parts in all of their songs, but god DAMN are they boring. They have a tendency to drag things out way too long and just kill the songs. If they just cut the songs a little shorter it would be a lot better. 6 [note from Tash: and Desert Eagle wins the prize for how many times one can use “songs” in 3 sentences.

The Abyss: The best melancholic doom death to come out of Finland since Rapture. Their debut album was promising but lacked in the songwriting department. This has sucessfully been fixed for “Ghosts of Loss” and I’m very happy with the result. Great music to herald the oncoming autumn. Plus, boobs on the cover never hurt. 7

Derek: These guys like Opeth, and so do I. So, with that said, I think I’ll go listen to some fuckin’ Opeth now. 6

Ripper Bendix: The album title made me think OPETH and indeed, I wasn’t disappointed, since “Ghost Of Loss” is strictly in line with the Opeth formula. Drawn out songs, slow as fuck, some aggressive deathy stuff here and there, and more pathos than you can shake a stick at. Too bad I can’t stand that kind of stuff. 4

Children of Bodom: Are you dead yet? Children of Bodom: Are you dead yet?

5.6 /10

Syrrok: COB do their part to tittyfuck the fuck outta you fucks! Read my review, damn it! 9

Farlus: I really hate this band, but just for you, the loyal GD reader, I’ll listen to the entire album. – 37 minutes later – Yep, they still suck. 2

Desert Eagle: They’re kind of popular right now, correct? OK so this sucks then. Hah! I really HOPE someone says that. I don’t know why anyone would listen to the uncool loser kids. Trust me fellas, I kick ass, therefore I know what else kicks ass. For example: this new Bodom kicks ass. 8

The Abyss: Call me when you’re done masturbating on guitars and keyboards and are ready to write good music. 3

Derek: I actually really like these guys, but the keyboards are really fucking over the top. Picture a snarling, bad-ass biker, 6’8”, with a “BORN TO RIDE… AND KILL” tattoo on his head. Then picture him on a pink harley with “Badgrrrl” on the side. Yeah, that’s what the keyboards do for me here, and it’s not right! The keyboards aren’t even that bad, but they’re completely emasculating in this kind of music. The gay-O-meter reads a 6

Ripper Bendix: No, I am not dead yet, thanks for asking. Have you split up yet? Sure, Alexi Laiho is one hell of a guitarist and the skill level is top-notch, but nevertheless, the whole concept of COB is very unappealing to me. Apart from that, the keyboards get on my fucken nerves. Seriously: Is this a teenie band? Does this appeal to Nightfish elves as well? Probably. I am fucken pissed because I can’t rip into this album the way I want to because it’s too good for a bitchslap – strictly speaking about the technical aspect here. Guitar and keyboard wanking and a certain holterdipolter approach to appeal to the masses is all I see here, but it is good enough for most, I guess. 6

God Forbid: IV The constitution of treason God Forbid: IV The constitution of treason

5.5 /10

Syrrok: GOD FORBID you make a metal album that doesn’t sound like it drizzled out of Dennis Miller’s fleshy cunthammer. Let me know when you go on the “OMG we’re talented!” tour with EyeHateGod and Godsmack. 3

Farlus: Never was a big fan of these guys and this album does nothing to change that. I imagine if you liked them before, you’ll like this album too. 3

Desert Eagle: You know I can tell this is good shit, but I’m just not into it. Maybe it’s the singer or the core qualities of the band, I don’t know. 5

The Abyss: American kids have no fucking taste in music. Why listen to God Forbid when At The Gates, The Haunted, Arch Enemy and other melo-death bands have done the same thing, only better, and with a lot more conviction? Still, God Forbid aren’t the worst band in this second generation, not by far. 5

Derek: Another one of those bands I’ve been hearing about for several years that I never gave more than a passing listening. I’m man enough to own up to my mistakes, and ignoring God Forbid for so long was definitely one of them. But nevermind that, if this band only ever released a single album, and this was it, I’d be a happy fuckin’ metalhead. This is quality modern metal; hardcore, new wave of American heavy metal, whatever the fuck you want to call it – this shit slays. Bitter, angry, loud, groovy music; what’s not to like!? 8

Ripper Bendix: THAT’S what I’m talking about. Fucken hell this shit rocks. Sure, God Forbid are one of those newer bands you might even see on MTV at some point (I did), but only this time it doesn’t mean that they are bad. God Forbid rock ze shit. Look, I made a rhyme! 9

Hatesphere: The sickness within Hatesphere: The sickness within

5.5 /10

Syrrok: Hatesphere make disdainpyramid look like rancorcube. Don’t get me started! 5

Farlus: Thrash thrash thrash. You like thrash? Here’s some thrash. My opinion of these guys hasn’t changed since I heard their last album. Take it as you will. 5

Desert Eagle: Melodic death meets hardcore vocals. TRAIN WRECK. I’ve run out of witty things to say about how bad hardcore is. It’s the syphilis of the music world. Slowly, embarassingly killing off everything that is pure and good about music. 3

The Abyss: Can’t recall if Hatesphere sounded this much like Pantera before, but I can’t say I mind it much right now. Never been crazy about Pantera but there are far worse bands to draw your inspiration from, let me tell you. So, mix Pantera and some nameless thrash act (they’re a dime a dozen) and you get Hatesphere. Do you get a high grade? Nah, not really. 5

Derek: When a band I’ve never heard of – aside from the insane rantings of our glorious Lord K – can release a quality album like this, it really makes me hate shitty grind bands all the more. Right here, Hatesphere have put together an incredibly tight, brutal album. “But it’s only thrash” some pseudo-cultured grindcore connoisseur (which is derived from the Swahili word for “loud-mouthed, ignorant cocksucker”) might say; fuck that, deathy thrash like this is all you fucking need. The music murders, and you can actually understand the vocals. This is all you fucking need. End of fucking story. 8

Ripper Bendix: Nice and neo-thrashy. Better than average and aggressive enough to catch my interest, but I’ve heard a bit too much of that stuff lately so I’m not exactly slapping my dick out, jerking like a maniac. But I am pretty damn close to it! 7

Soulfly: Dark ages Soulfly: Dark ages

5 /10

Syrrok: Soulfly make Puya look like putas! I like 3 out of the 15 songs, so. 3

Farlus: It took the band five albums, but I think Cavalera has finally realized the potential this band could have if they stopped trying to be Sepultura. “Dark Ages” is a very appropriate title, because this record is far darker, heavier, and faster than the previous efforts could ever be. It’s Max, so he still delves into the tribal shit (which I like, by the way) but overall if you’ve been keeping up with Soulfly this long you should be surprised and pleased by this album. Nice job. 8

Desert Eagle: It’s been how long and this band are still making the same exact songs over and over again? Oh man, government sucks. Max is such a douche. 2

The Abyss: I wasn’t alone in actually getting my hopes up a little for “Dark Ages” since it was rumoured to contain material reminiscent of Max’s Sepultura days. Was I disappointed? Yes, and no. While not even close to “Roots” or “Chaos A.D.”, this is by far Soulfly’s best album (admittedly, that’s not saying much) due to the aggro level being raised and the the ethno bullshit being lowered. Those hippie-jam pop songs at the end sound awful, though. 5

Derek: I’m almost counting on everyone else saying something like “Max should get back with Sepultura”. Fuck that. I’ve liked every Soulfly album to date, although I will admit each had moments of weakness. “Dark Ages” is easily the best of the bunch; there’s a heavy “Roots” vibe to it, but with a much more evolved touch. The heaviness and foreign music elements really work on this album. The heavy religious overtones are also a lot less heavy-handed, which makes this atheist very happy. The album may be called “Dark Ages”, but this is easily the most evolved Soulfly release ever. Let Sepultura keep on clunking out sloppy albums with an ex-bartender on vocals; Max just proved Soulfly are capable of bringing the shit. 9

Ripper Bendix: Even though it’s an improvement over the last release, I still don’t see what’s so fucken cool about Soulfly. 3

Infinited Hate: Heaven termination Infinited Hate: Heaven termination

5 /10

Syrrok: Infinited isn’t a word, you fucking idiots. Before you terminate heaven, you might want to set your sights a little lower and terminate your Dutch to English Dictionary. 3

Farlus: I was playing this album on low volume, and it sounded really cool, so I turned it up. That was a mistake. This album is pretty raw and it has its moments, but the vocals ruin it for me. If you can’t growl, don’t fucking do it – simple as that. This guy sounds like a grandma who has lived on a steady diet of unfiltered cigarettes and whiskey for 50 years. His voice aggravates the piss out of me. Otherwise the album is pretty good. Death metal, plain and simple. 5

Desert Eagle: This shit is so bad that it actually broke my speakers when I put it on. I really wish I was kidding, but this is the truth. So if the band is reading this, you owe me new speakers. 2

The Abyss: Infinited. Is that a real word? [note from Tash: no, it isn’t.] Maybe in Dutch-English it is… Thankfully, the trio (consisting of Sinister members) play and sing so fast you can’t really tell what their grasp of the English language is like. With an album named “Heaven Termination”, I thought this’d be black metal but instead it’s a pretty decent mix of old and new death metal with, I believe, two singers. Not that you can really tell, since he and she sound pretty much the same. Ok album, but it won’t get much playtime in my stereo. 5

Derek: I don’t really have much to say; pretty decent death metal. It doesn’t suck, but doesn’t inspire much of a reaction in me. I’m sure they’re good live. 6

Ripper Bendix: I didn’t know the word “infinited” existed at all, and I STUDY fucken English, but anyway. This shit kicks my ass like Pestilence and I fucken love that! A LOT. 9

Nocturnal Rites: Grand illusion Nocturnal Rites: Grand illusion

4.5 /10

Syrrok: YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT! SILENT NIGHT, HOLY SHIT! Grand Illusion makes Use Your Illusion 1 look like Use Your Illusion 2! 3

Farlus: Just your average power metal. Nothing too exciting, nothing that makes it stand out as better or worse than what’s already out there. It’s so average that I can’t even think of anything witty to say about it. Wait, I just thought of something. My nocturnal emissions are better musicians than Nocturnal Rites. There ya go. 4

Desert Eagle: These poor bastards don’t stand a chance around these parts and that’s a shame. What we have here is well written power metal and you fools just don’t understand. Hey, they have a song called “Fools Never Die”. I think I just used the word “fools” because I’m listening to that song now. Weird. 7

The Abyss: Always had a good eye on these power metallers ever since they changed vocalist to old man Johnny. They’re one of the very few power metal bands I like, mostly due to the excellent mix of melodies and some actual heaviness in the riffs. It’s catchy without becoming cheesy. This album is no exception (though not their best effort, that’s “Shadowland”). 6

Derek: Downtuned guitars: check. Rockin’ solos: check. Generall bad-ass music: check. The voice of Rob Halford: oh shit, Rob’s in that other band! Random interchangeable power metal vocalist, rounded up from a Dungeons and Dragon’s convention: check! This album isn’t even all that bad; I quite like most of it. However, since this is power metal, I’m required to inform you that this album might give you syphilis – or whatever it is that keeps chicks away. 6


Animosity: Empires Animosity: Empires

3.8 /10

Syrrok: If Barry Bonds joined Vendetta and dipped his penis in strawberry ice cream, this lucious brand of athletic metal would be the result. 2

Farlus: I thought these guys were cool, then I looked at their pictures on their website and they look like they should be in Limp Bizkit or a metalcore band. We all know image is way more important than the music. Seriously though, they play some decent tunes and definitely sound way better than they look. I guess I’ll have to drive the images out of my mind and just listen. 4

Desert Eagle: It’s only 9 tracks? Thank GOD. Shit this sucks. I mean I don’t even know what to say. Completely unoriginal and boring. 2

The Abyss: Brutal US death. You’ve heard it before, I’ve heard it before, only the nu metal kids haven’t heard it before and if they had, I’m sure they’d be as unimpressed as I am! 3

Derek: One-word band name, one-word album name, and most of the song titles are a single word as well. Maybe I’m too harsh, but I’m not impressed… The theme for this band seems to be “simple”. It works, to an extent, but I’m at the point in my life where simply listening to a band that plays solid, by-the-numbers music – of any particular style – just does nothing for me. I listened to this entire album and was completely unmoved. I’d say “sorry” or something to that effect if I could
have that hour of my life back… 4

Ripper Bendix: Hearing stuff like this feels like a fucken holiday for me, especially after sitting through a fucken Soulfly album. The snare drum is a bit loud in the mix, but after a song or two it probably won’t bother you too much anymore. I love the growl/screech vocal shit and this album left me with a fat grin and bleeding eardrums. 8

Throwdown: Vendetta Throwdown: Vendetta

3.8 /10

Syrrok: throwdown could best be described as the juicy sloshing sound of Kenny Chesney fucking a gelding palomino in the mouth while pretending to be angry about the lack of media coverage surrounding his breakup with Bridget Jones’s sourpussy + a double bass pedal. 1

Farlus: Pretty much what you’d expect from a band called “Throwdown”. Hatebreed-esque metalcore stuff. Not as retarded as most of the rest of its kin, as it can be pretty damn heavy (and doesn’t feature whiny vocals), but it is what it is. 3


The Abyss: Fuck me with a fist, this is actually hardcore that doesn’t bore me to tears!! Throwdown (despite a very homo name) offer some old school tunes with enough of a thrash edge to ensure that you feel as though you’ve taken a long walk on a short pier wearing cement shoes. “Burn” has a drive that almost reminds me of The Haunted, and that’s a fucking compliment.
Capice? 6

Derek: Considering the band’s name, and their hardcore tough-guy overtones, I wasn’t too keen on checking this band out. I expected some sort of Hatebreed rip-off but I was actually somewhat surprised. Yeah, there’s the Zeus style production and thick, chunky breakdowns, but there are also solos and generally more technical music than I would have expected. As much as I wanted to use this band’s inclusion in AA as an excuse to bash shitty hardcore bands catering to the violent masses of
repressed homosexual meatheads, I can’t. Throwdown laid down some groovy shit on this album. The anger sounds real and the tunes are fucking good. 7

Ripper Bendix: Sounds like hardcore, looks like hardcore. Is hardcore. Doesn’t stick out from the mass but is good enough to move a couple of asses live. Seriously, what more could ya possibly add? A recipe for potato pancakes? Ah okay: 6 med potatoes, peeled. 2 eggs, beaten. 1/4 cup flour. 1/8 teaspoon baking powder. 1 teaspoon salt. dash pepper. 1/2 cup milk. 3 Tablespoons melted butter. Peel potatoes and shred in food processor; put in colander and squeeze out as much water as possible. Return to food processor with blade in bottom and add other ingredients while processing. Fry on hot griddle and serve hot with maple syrup. 6

Kylesa: To walk a middle course Kylesa: To walk a middle course

2.7 /10

Syrrok: Forget Kylesa… did you hear what Cartman said? HAHAHAHHAHFAHFOIAHFOIAHF OAIF YOU HAVE A VERY BLAND NAME AND ALBUM. 2

Farlus: For fuck’s sake. You’ve got to be kidding me. Worst shit I’ve ever heard. 1

Desert Eagle: Oh holy lord is this awful. Hahaha oh man, it’s rare that I actually start laughing out loud at a band’s utter shitness. Some douche was just yelling in the GAYEST VOICE EVER. Now he’s talking. Or is that a chick? I dunno, PISS. 2

The Abyss: Sometimes they get a Mastodon-like groove going with the guitars locking in with the drums in a cool way. At other times things veer off into post-hardcore territory and the whole thing is dangerously close to collape. The dual vocals of Laura and Corey take some getting used to, but overall I think this is a band that can grow into something I can dig. As for now it’s just interesting on a technical level, and 48 min is way too long to keep my attention on technical merit alone. 4

Derek: The vocals absolutely suck. They remind me of a pissed off 9-year old yelling that he wants his ice cream, but his mean parents won’t give him any ice cream… but they give his little bother ice cream. And he’s the one that started it, GOD DAMNIT GIMME MY ICE CREAM!!! Eh, it’s OK. A better singer would be nice. 5

Ripper Bendix: To walk a middle course between awful and god-awful. 2