The best of 2006 - 2014
Top 30 albums from 2000-2009: Kampfar
23/07/10 || Kampfar
1. Haggis: The impeccable glory of eternal war (2006)
Peace, love and understanding, a mantra often uttered by idiots high on utopia, makes me queasy to the core. War, hate and intolerance, on the other hand, erects my cock and puts a smile on my face. I’m not so sure I’d last many days in a proper war, not at all, but the “Impeccable glory of eternal war” remains one of the best albums ever recorded regardless of how useless I am at doing this or that. Fuck you.
2. 16: Zoloft smile (2003)
Aggressive depression coupled with excellent songwriting, ditto lyrics and also production, is what makes this album into one of the best fucking sludge releases I ever heard.
3. Cadaver: Necrosis (2004)
Thrash, death, and black all wrapped up in a ball made of nothing but awesomeness is what “Necrosis” is.
4. Clutch – Blast tyrant (2005)
Clutch is a bit hit and miss, I hate them when they jam, but “Blast tyrant” has none of that bullcrap and therefore I love it to bits and pieces.
5. Panzerchrist: Roomservice (2003)
If you named your band Panzermuhammed, a fatwa would most likely be brought upon you and your crew by an idiotic imam into fellating Allah. If you claim to love death but think of this album as shit, I’ll be the one fatwaing your ass.
6. Runemagick: Darkness death doom (2003)
The best platter Runemagick ever recorded is easily one of the best I ever heard regardless of genre. Doom till death.
7. Queens Of The Stone Age – Songs for the deaf
Albums such as this ensures that life isn’t totally crap. Stoner something at its very best this.
8. Mayhem: Chimera (2004)
A Chimera is, according to Greek mythology, a monstrous creature crafted from the parts of many a different animal. According to me, the album named after mentioned fever fantasy is fucking awesome.
9. YOB: The unreal never lived (2005)
If you are into heavy shit, either daterape a fat whore or do YOB. I recommend doing the latter.
10. Anaal Nathrakh: The codex necro (2001)
Chaotic violence with bile on top is my idea of fucking fun and the Anaal duo perfected the style on their first album already.
11. Hebosagil: Colossal (2008)
I wouldn’t know what a Hebosagil is – other than this Finnish band, of course – but I do know that this album is colossal for sure.
12. Weedeater: Sixteen Tons (2002)
Heavier than thou fucking awesomeness straight from the degenerated shores of South Carolina. Hail the rednecks!
13. Meatjack: Days of fire (2003)
Our days are numbered, so hurry up and listen to this album entirely made of ace already. I guess progressive sludge isn’t the worst way to describe what this album is all about.
14. Cephalic Carnage: Anomalies (2005)
I love being violently skullfucked by these crazy dudes so hooked on weed they are willing to kill for it.
15. Insision: Beneath the folds of flesh (2002)
I was obviously drunk when I made this list, I do however love the death at hand even when close to sober. Guttural brutality at its very best this.
16. Sublime Cadaveric Decomposition: Inventory of fixtures (2007)
Socialist scumfucks sure know how to grind and groove, this very fact proved by Napalm Death countless times already.
17. Rotten Sound: Murderworks (2002)
The sound is not at all rotten and the grind fucking sublime.
18. Ufomammut: Idolum (2008)
Spaced out stoner doom, or whatever, hardly ever sounded as good as this.
19. Phazm: Cornerstones of the macabre (2008)
Phazm rhymes with orgasm, hardy har, and this albums inflicts series of them upon both my ears.
20. Hail!Hornet: Hail!Hornet (2007)
Hail!Hitler offends, Hail!Stalin not, and I wouldn’t know why both assholes aren’t condemned with equal contempt by everyone possessing half a brain. What I do know, is that Hail!Hornet and their patented grime metal tickles my tickly parts.
21. Coffins: The other side of blasphemy (2006)
Japanese metal isn’t the most interesting thing since mayhem and mutilation but this fact doesn’t detract one iota from the awesomeness that is Coffins. Ugh!
22. The Dillinger Escape Plan: Ire works (2007)
John Dillinger certainly knew how to rob banks, much like these guys know how to perfect chaos into a sublime listening experience.
23. Macabre: Dahmer (2000)
Jeffrey Dahmer was an excellent killer of the serial kind, and a handsome chap to boot, but the album portraying his life is no doubt better than his demented deeds and adorable looks combined. Everybody do the Dahmer!
24. Tsjuder: Desert northern hell (2004)
Norwegians in general are a bunch of spineless imbeciles, just like the Swedes, but at times we idiots up here in the north certainly dish up with some excellent music. Fast and furious black with an excellent production is the name of this game.
25. Cryptopsy: Once was not (2005)
Gravity blasts, sick vocals, fantastic musicianship, excellent songwriting, are the main ingredients in Cryptopsy’s finest hour.
26. Infected Disarray: Disseminating obscenity (2009)
Brutal death metal at its finest is what we have here, a proper rape of the senses this unclefucker no doubt is.
27. Trepalium: Alchemik clockwork of disorder (2006)
Death metal with boogie on-board shouldn’t sound good, at all, but somehow these frog-eaters into fucked up music managed to prove the fact I just made up to be an utterly wrong one.
28. Electric Wizard: Dopethrone (2000)
This heavy motherfucker of an album tempts me to do heroine and just completely give up already.
29. Aura Noir: Hades rise (2008)
When it comes to blackthrash, Aura Noir is both the crop and the cream on top.
30. Myrkskog: Deathmachine (2000)
I would love to be a deathmachine, genocide rules supreme, and this intricate piece of death bursting with energy also rules all kinds of shit.