Metallica: Master of puppets
25/06/10 || Altmer
Metallica. The METAL band. They even have metal in their logo so you know it’s metal and not some pussy ass glam rock (or maybe it is, but more on that later). When someone yells out HEAVY METAL, what does a man yell? St. Anger round my neck…. eh, wait, gotta be all tr00, kvlt, and thrashing, so… MASTER OF PUPPETS PULLING YOUR STRINGS. Yeah, you probably regret that “Kill ‘em All” tattoo on your ass, because Metallica have gone down the tombola of all shitholes, but they once (do you believe this? Wait for it… here it comes…) wrote good music. Around this time they also had a bass player that they actually liked and made them listen to the evil Midget. And he wrote instrumental songs. And you know it’s one of the most popular metal albums of all time. I liked it back as a young ‘un too. Here’s how it is – I am reviewing the best metal album of the 80s. Maybe one of the best metal albums of all time. I have an opinion on it. Like it? Good. Don’t like it? I’ll perform “Damage Inc.” on your ass with Lars Ulrich’s drumsticks. And I hit, unlike the Danish pussy. With that in mind, continue…
9. All the songs with vocals are solid gold and deserve merit on any band’s repertoire. You know how there are 500000 thrash metal bands, all trying to play this? All trying to write good, thrashy songs, with super solos, awesome melodies and solid fucken groove? Well, none of them will ever be Metallica. There’s a reason when people put on a metal CD, this will come to mind first. These songs are fucken timeless. Except… wait for it.. “Orion”.
Chatter in the crowd at this blasphemy. Blades are sharpened. Knives are drawn. Torches are lit. The guillotine is prepared.
I am sorry and apologize to every Cliff Burton fan out there. I am not a fan of “Orion” and I never will be. It’s an ok instrumental, as far as instrumentals go, but I have never seen the big deal and usually skip it.
“Off with his head! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!”
Ghost Altmer continues writing.
6. Thin and dated, much like any Metallica production. I like the oldschool vibe it gives off. But to say this runs you over like a tank in the Iraqi War Zone… nah. A bit more punch would have been very welcome.
9. Mostly due to the rhythm guitars, this. The riffs are, one after another, solid gold. In fact, there isn’t a riff on here that’s not good. You want to know how to play the rhythm guitar? Take classes, James Hetfield Inc. Heavy, groovy, powerful, fast, slow, it’s got it all. This is a damn fine riff album. Melody-wise it’s pretty strong, too, but the riffs are what carries most of the songs (along with the vocal melodies). The solos are pretty awesome shit too, nice shred-style with whammy abuse from Kirk Hammett. To be honest I like other soloists better than “Captain” Kirk Hammett, but so be it. It’s good soloing and it fits the songs. And it’s amazing on the instrumental songs, but you already knew that of course. Didn’t you?
9. James Hetfield decided to snarl his way through this recording, and I like the venom at the back of his tongue while he spits the lyrics out. Technically it’s probably average. But it’s got more character than all the LARPing elves in the world. It’s a unique voice. Once you hear his vocals, you know it’s Metallica. That’s iconic right there and the reason it’s so awesome.
10. If I have to tell you that Cliff Burton was an amazing bassist, you don’t deserve to be a metalhead. Seriously. He was an amazing bassist. Yes, that includes his performance on “Orion”. Every song on here has stellar bass work. He was a unique guy with a sense of style. He will always be missed.
6. Not versatile in the least but he keeps everything together. Lars Ulrich was always the weakest link in Metallica’s music and this will never change. He’s all right here, much like he was all right on “Ride the Lightning” but he will never be my fave skinsman. For obvious reasons.
8. Good, poignant social commentary above the childish lyrics of late. H.P. Lovecraft referenced. Cliff Burton had a good influence on their lyrical topics. I wish they could have kept some of his spirit for the albums after this.
10. Simple, Iconic, Awesome.
10. Quintessential metal logo.
N/A I don’t have a booklet and that’s that. I’m sure it’s very interesting, though, and I’m sure you know it. You’ve probably read it anyway.
Overall and ending rant
This album is a classic and if you disagree you are what we call plain wrong. There’s a reason why everyone from their little kid to their grandma knows, was influenced, and mostly digs Metallica and it’s because of this fucking album. It’s everything about the era rolled up into one definitive record. It’s one of the few records that is a classic in any and every sense of the word. Get it, now, and be rewarded. Don’t get it, and I’ll make friends with Chtulhu and hunt you down. All nightmare long.
- Released: 1986
- Label: Elektra
- Website: www.metallica.com
- James Hetfield: vocals, guitars
- Kirk Hammett: guitars
- Cliff Burton: bass
- Lars Ulrich: drums
- 01. Battery
- 02. Master of Puppets
- 03. The Thing That Should Not Be
- 04. Welcome Home (Sanitarium)
- 05. Disposable Heroes
- 06. Leper Messiah
- 07. Orion
- 08. Damage Inc.