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Global Domination | Demo reviews | Celtachor: In the halls of our ancient fathers

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Celtachor: In the halls of our ancient fathers

21/03/11  ||  Lord K Philipson

All kinds of warning bells sound off by just looking at this demo. Some of the bells are the size of the universe even. First of – the bands’ name. Second, the title for this recording. Third, the cover. You can really tell that it will be a cold day in Hell before these fuckos got anything going for them. It might take a fucken while, to put it mildly. And really, what happened in those “halls of our ancient fathers”? Was it perhaps a pedo-party going on? Fuck you and your inbred “ancient fathers”. They all suck pee-pee.

As soon as Amon Amarth made a career about having vikings defining their style, every other band and their whore mothers figured they could do the same. Viking imagery is just sooo fucken awesome, you know.

Cuntachoir couldn’t fire up one of Amon Amarth’s worst riffs if their viking helmets were on fire, let that be clear. They sound absolutely nothing like the great Swedes, though I am sure they think they do. As if it wasn’t enough that the whole approach by this band speaks volumes of The Suck, they also decide to throw in those so-cool Bathory keyboards and make an intro out of it. It really, really sets the mood for some rape and pillage. Together with some incredibly shitty, random rock’n‘rollish riffs and the occasional idiotic out-of-tune flute (think about that one), Cuntachoir are really succeeding in being a sorry fucken excuse for a band. If this is “viking metal” (one of the most stupid labels for a genre ever) I am fucken Oprah Winfrey on smack. With a helmet. And horns. I might quite possibly also wear a loin cloth.

They claim to be from Ireland, these lads. I love Ireland. I love the movie “Braveheart”, especially that Irish fucko in it (there was only one). I am sure they are all nice untalented individuals and everything, but seriously… Get the fuck out of here.

Thor is pissing blood thanx to you guys. Odin is sitting by his side taking a shit. That particular bucket of Odin man-poop is actually this demo.


  • Information
  • Released: 2010
  • Website: Celtachor MySpace
  • Band
  • Stephen Roche: vocals, whistles, keys
  • David Quinn: guitars
  • Emile Quigley: bass
  • Padraic Farrelly: drums
  • Tracklist
  • 01. Nemed’s wake
  • 02. Rise of Lugh
  • 03. In the halls of Nuada
  • 04. Riders of the Fomor
  • 05. The sons of Tuireann and the blood fine
  • 06. The wavesweeper