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Demo(n)s
Conquest of Steel: May your blade never dull
15/01/08 || Global Domination
This review was written by ex-staffer/cocksmoker MaxVonLaibach.
The last three reviews I’ve written being Class 6(66)‘s, I started to really regret throwing out that Avenged Sevenfold album my dad bought me a few years ago. The urge to totally bash something came close to driving me completely mad and going on a wild rampage with a screwdriver and a rubber duck, but luckily Conquest of steel came to the rescue, riding atop their badly fed, rusted metal steeds and brandishing the swords they use for killing the enemies of metal in LARPG.
I soon came to regret my wish as the first 10 seconds of their trv kvlt ep hit me with a lead that made Rob Halford look completely straight in comparison. The trv problem with these guys is not that they’re beating a dead horse, not even mutilating the poor mare with a jackhammer. After all, there are bands that do just that and manage to get away with a score of 6 or 7 on GD. Conquest of steel, however, resemble a couple of little kids dressing up as their parents and trying to do what they’ve seen adults do in the bedroom hundreds of times before. It just doesn’t work. There’s a ballad on this album that sounds a bit as if Saxon composed it as a free gift to the retarded midget foundation while being completely drunk and using Guitar hero guitars instead of real instruments. The guitarists manage to copy any given riff from Iron Maiden or Manowar and strip it of all the catchiness, while the singer pulls off the amazing stunt of sounding totally and completely impersonal. In short, this album sounds as if made out of the Do-It-Yourself power metal kit for kids aged 6 to 12.
2/10
- Information
- Released: 2007
- Label: No Face records
- Website: www.conquestofsteel.co.uk
- Band
- Dan Durrand: vocals
- DD Danger: guitars
- James “Claymore” Clarke: guitars
- Vic Victory: bass
- Chris “The Destroyer” Mills: drums
- Tracklist
- 01. May your blade never dull
- 02. Priests of metal
- 03. Righteous victory (of war)
- 04. Halfway to hell
- 05. Steel is the law