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Demo(n)s

Skull And Bones: Roswell

29/12/09  ||  Lord K Philipson

Spartacus: We love you. We are not worthy.

We can’t help but absolutely worship this fucken Spartacus mongoloid. Seriously. This guy is something else. His stage name is fucken Spartacus, you know. Modesty is for bitches. Read this review and then this interview to get some knowledge about him, ok? We just got Spartacus’ latest recording in the mail, complete with a letter saying:

“Heilz to you all there on Global Domination. I know you will mock my heart work, but here it is.

Spartacus
Skull and Bones”

I almost got a tear in my eye. I fucken love this dude. This is the Alpha Male of the universe. Just the fact that he, in the liner notes of this demo, writes: And for bad critics for my last works, I give “the finger”, makes me applaud this fucko until my arms fall off. Read it again:

And for bad critics for my last works, I give “the finger”.

Beautiful. That, you fucken sons and daughters of whores, is poetry. We deserve the finger. I now definitely have a tear in my eye. Or, wait… No, I think the fucken Niagara Falls moved into my face. Holy shit.

HOLY. SHIT.

You know, Spartacus’ latest recording “Waking up songs” sure woke you right the fuck up becoz they sucked so hard they set a new level for the art of sucking Teh Gay. Absolutely everything was wrong with that demo. It was so fucked up it came across as literally disturbing. Spartacus didn’t give a shit, and still doesn’t, he’s on a mission and the newest evidence of this is the 3-track recording I am currently listening to, “Roswell”. Points for originality right there to begin with. Great to see an alien concept here. I mean, check the tracklist… First we got “Roswell”, that is definitely a song about aliens. Then all of a sudden the songs deal with Solomon and the fucken Bermuda Triangle?

I know… I know, people…

This time it sounds like Spartacus bought himself a new keyboard and discovered how to up the tempo in the drum machine coz now we got all kinds of shitty synth sounds (actually, I think he’s just using one or two) and a drum machine most probably built in hell. You think that’s enough? Oh noes… Spartacus now incorporates blastbeats in his music (listen to the opening track and pay attention to the wonderful cello/violin/whatever while yer at it).

Just when you thought he couldn’t go any deeper in the Sea of Suck he dives into depths never reached before by any man, woman, creature or penis. That is just mind boggling. It’s fantastic. It’s genius. Thanx to Spartacus I now truly believe characters like Superman and Wolverine are real life persons with 9-5 jobs like any ordinary Joe. Only an alien with powers beyond our knowledge could cook up something like this and think it’s actually great music. We are all lesser humans in comparison to Spartacus. Just face it. Deal with it. Live with it.

I really don’t know what this fucken guy’s problem is but I hope he never gets sane again coz this is just too fucken bad to keep away from mankind. I can’t be arsed to describe the pain that listening to his music causes, just head over to his MySpace and check it out yourself.

If I woke up one day and was Spartacus, I would circle jerk for 24 hours by myself. I know, it sounds impossible to do that all by my lonesome, but Spartacus can do the impossible. His music is proof of it.

Fantastic. Just fucken fan-fucken-tastic.

1,5

  • Information
  • Released: 2009
  • Website: Skull And Bones MySpace
  • Band
  • Spartacus: knowledge, guitar, superiority, bass, class, drum programming, hero, vocals, infinite talent, alien lifeform
  • Tracklist
  • 01. Roswell
  • 02. Salomon The King
  • 03. Bermuda Triangle