Witchbreed - Ruby
08/09/09 || Lord K Philipson
As always, The Lord is back with another masterpiece in the art of interviewing bands I like. Time has come for Witchbreed to have its 15 minutes of fame here at Global Domination. What’s better is that I am not interviewing some badly smelling guy but a nice woman by the name of Ruby, vocalist of said band. And a damn fine chick she is, as you will see by her answers. When was the last time you read an interview with a vagina from a band and actually enjoyed it? Never, that’s when. Ruby’s climbed up my ladder of cool bitches in a heartbeat, and if I was a bit more gay I’d send her chocolate boxes, dynamite and shit for being a truly fantastic gal – but hey, I’m not like that. You can read my kind words on her vocals, chest and shit in this review, then I suggest you take a listen to them, despite their extremely homosexual moniker. So, let’s get started and see what my potential cyber-wife-to-be has to say.
Global Domination: Ok, fuckbucket, are you ready to be raped, molested and beaten beyond all shit by yours truly with this interview?
Ruby: Fuckbucket, that’s the cousin of Buckethead???!! Bring it on sucker, Latin women have alot to give and take!
Let’s start off easy… I know you are married and shit (I believe the guy is even in the fucken band of yours, yes?) but that’s not remotely interesting to me. What I wanna now is – how many have you slept with? And I don’t mean as a kid, spooning and shit. I mean how many people have you actually conquered sex-wise?
Nah… My husband is not from my band ( thank God & Satan & whatever), I don’t believe in love, relationships or sex in bands, and you will say “well look at Ammott and Angela “. What?? They are colder than fucking North Pole… “How many men The Fugly conquered”, hehehe… huuuu… That’s for me to know and for you to find out… But its more than 10 and less than 20, hehe…
I’m sorry for that question, I can’t help myself. Forgive me? Kiss and make up?
What?? It’s ok… it’s a normal question. I don’t know why sex is such a tabu. Sure, let’s all kiss and make up. Fugly kisses K on the nose.
You know, I reviewed your “Heretic rapture” album and actually took quite some liking in it. I’m also listening to it as I type these questions down and it still strikes me as for what a fucken fantastic voice you are sporting there. Is singing all you do with that mouth?
Actually, singing comes from your diaphragm… hehehe… I can do a lot of nice, wonderful things with my mouth, and you?
I’m truly sorry for that question as well, I still can’t help myself. What I wanna know is as follows: You wanted to be friends with me over MySpace, which was kinda surprising considering I said some harsh words about your looks and all in the review. Did my looks have anything to do with the fact that you wanna be friends with me?
Your looks??!! Ermmm… no… You kind of look like Kerry King but bigger, and besides – I’M MARRIED!!!!
I would actually say that we are friends now, I mean – we have been shooting a few PM’s and shit between each other. If you feel like it you can rate me on a scale from 1-10. I’d give you a 7 actually now when I have taken a better look at you. What I actually wanted to find out with the last question is as follows… You really came across as a fucken terrific gal in that first PM where you thanked me for the review, showing some serious sense of humor and a fucken laid back style where, obviously, you didn’t care too much about me calling you a whore and a perhaps-transsexual. I was stunned to see a chick be so cool with it, and see what it leads to… A huge coverage on Global Domination. Either you are this fucken cool or you’re just very fucken smart and played me into interviewing you guys. Anyways, I now have the deepest fucken respect for you and mean to tell you that I hope this coverage at GD renders you some well-deserved attention. Where were we…?
You are in Sweden, I’m in Portugal… Unfortunately…
Aww, you are flirting with me. Most people play hard to get, I play hard to want, so hey… Yeah, hmm… So, how come you didn’t take offense and instead wanted to befriend me and shit?
I didn’t because I understood why you thought I was a fugly… that FUCKING UGLY pic on the CD… it doesn’t look like me… The whore thing… Well, I think you are like the 19384756389393th guy or girl calling me that, without knowing me, yeah – people just love me, especially in my country (NOT). You were true to yourself when it came to music and the album and jokes aside I truly admire the way you judge music, and fuck, you like my voice – I was pleased. I have a big heart, my dad was a guitar player and he taught me to feel music and not to take shit from no one, so I kind of see a bit of me in you! I’m blonde… I’m not smart… (not) I’m naive (not) and I eat bass players every morning (YES). Hehehe, at least one, hahaha!!!
I mean, I’m taken and all by Mrs. K, to be married and shit, so it’s not like we can fool around and play King and Queen in our underwear.
You play with underwear??? Still…?? I got over that phase at 12, hehehe…
Your guy’s prolly pretty pissed at me for disrespecting you and all in the review, right? Well, fuck him. Oh, that didn’t come out right.
Actually, I have the perfect husband. He read it, he laughed, and he totally understood where you were coming from. Bass player thing, I guess.
Tell him it’s no need he tries anything, I’m 6.7, 135 kg’s and have watched something like 500000 hours of Ultimate Fighting Championship. Or is he as cool as you are with this?
He’s way cooler than me!
Fuck do I need to do to piss you guys off then?
Probably grab my ass – he would be pretty pissed!!! Me? Hum…. nah… nothing, I heard it all.
Lemme try another strategy: I like your band. I kinda love your vocals and would be curious if you’d wanna do some backing vocals for the next The Project Hate album?
It would be a pleasure to work with the mighty K.
You know that we are a fuckload better than the band you are in now, right?
Butter??? Yeah, I like butter, on bread its great. It kind of turns me on – bands with girls… It’s like a challenge. I like to crush them. Like Bruce Dickinson said about me on BBC; “they have a fine singer indeed”, hehehe. I bet your singer didn’t get that from the MASTER. BANZAIIIIIIIIII!!
Here goes… “Witchbreed” baby… WTF?
Did your parents scare you with witches? Come on, tell me the truth…
Again, “Witchbreed”. WTF? And why?
Well, my bass player was reading this marvel comic book and he saw this name “witchbreed” and it means a breed between the devil and a witch, he liked it… And it is his project with Dikk, one of the guitar players, so, you know the drill.
I guess you are something like 5 or 6 members in the band, right?
Who the FUCK suggested this name to begin with? I mean, from the little I know about you, dollface, I’m positive you didn’t fucken come up with the moniker.
Nah , it wasn’t me. I guess it was Ares and Dikk.
And why didn’t the rest of you guys beat the responsible one into a bloody pulp to get his senses back?
Back then we were just 3 – them and me… They would kill me, not a good idea…
So, you are a chick in an unknown band, playing fine fucken music and still no one, but me, knows about you nor give a shit. You wouldn’t by any chance think it might have something to do with the fact that you are called… eh… “Witchbreed”?
That’s wrong, a lot of people know us, I guess. At least Bruce Dickinson likes us , if you go on our MySpace you can hear the guy talking about us… We still don’t know how he got the album – we didn’t send him anything, but it was so fucking cool… Well, actually I don’t give a shit if nobody gives a shit as long as there’s a “K “ now, and then it’s worth it. But I guess the guys in my band don’t think like that and will probably fuck my head because I said that. “Witchbreed”, it’s not that bad… you are the one with the witch trauma, hahaha…
Some of the guys in the band (or maybe just one of them, fuck do I know) obviously played with Moonspell at some point. Are you guys using that as a marketing move of sorts?
It was Ares, the bass player. He formed Moonspell, recorded some albums and toured with some big names (Morbid Angel, Rotting Christ, Cradle Of Filth, Type O Negative). And no, we don’t – we try to stay away from Moonspell. They do they shit, we do our music.
I mean, seriously, does anyone even give a shit about Moonspell?
Well, in Portugal they do – and they hate us. Somehow Ares is the martyr for everything that went wrong in Moonspell and that led to a legion of Witchbreed haters.
Do you like them? Moonspell, I mean.
No, I don’t. My cousin is their session bass player for many years now. I love him but the rest of the band can FUCK RIGHT OFF AND SHOVE THAT STAR STATUS UP THEIR ASSES.
Haha, I take it you are not friends with them cunts?
No, never will be. I don’t like cynical people.
Wait… aren’t Moonspell from Greece?
I wish they were… they are from Portugal.
Does that mean you are from Greece?
No, dumb ass…
Yeah , Portugal!
Can’t say I attended all those geography classes in school so I have a hard time telling the difference. Either way, fuck now?
Be my guest!! Hehehe…
I wasn’t just rude to you or the other fuckers of the band in the review; I also gave you some well-deserved credit for what you have accomplished on “Heretic rapture”. Lemme put it like this, if it wasn’t for your vocals I wouldn’t have pissed on Witchbreed if you caught on fire. The sole reason I decided to check you guys out was becoz it had a chick, namely you, doing vocals – and I’m a sucker for tits… er… I mean chicks doing vocals. Do you think this is common, that people just check you out becoz you are a chick fronting the band?
I think it’s the opposite, people see a chick and think about another shitty band and don’t even try to listen to a fucking minute. So it’s hard to break through in this metal female thing…
While we are at the subject of boobs, are you a trained vocalist?
Trained… Yeah, when I was 13 I had a fucking Russian teacher – she walked on my tummy and weird stuff, but I learned all the techniques, grew up hating operatic stuff, people hate me for that but metal and operatic shit just doesn’t fit. I hate angelical voices, makes me wanna beat them up really bad… When they put the nice dresses and the nice smiles and wave the hands – WHAT THE FUCK??? I wear high heels and I do headbanging. Beat that?!
Thanks fucken lots for not doing the operatic muthafucken shit coz if you would have I’d bought a plane ticket to come to Greece/Portugal/Fuckever and punched you in the throat, Chuck Liddell style. Who’s responsible for those quite fine growls on the album, by the way? Don’t tell me it’s your fucken husband coz then I all of a sudden need to like that fucker as well.
Nah, it’s not him, it’s Paulo. He’s great, he smokes a lot, drinks like fuck but has a great voice. And he’s a gardener!!! He has a band called My Enchantment.
Ok Fugly, are you enjoying yourself so far? Anything you’d like to ask me?
Yah, Kerry King the 2nd, I’m enjoying this! Actually, yeah, so when are you coming with the love project, haha, (I’m teasing you) to Portugal?!
When everyone in Moonspell grow a 100 foot penis in their forehead. So, back to you, dear. Lemme see here, in a quest to break you and your husband apart (or at least start a fucken fight between you), rate these following mongoloids from various bands on a scale from 1-10. 1 is repulsive and you wouldn’t sleep with him if your panties were exploding. 5 is “I’d do him, but I can’t say I wanna look at the fucken creature while doing so”. 10 is naturally the Brad Pitt of metal and someone you’d consider shagging in a sec. All the other scores are something in between. Sort of. Yeah. Oh, and also; describe each individual with the first word that comes to your mind after you have scored them (damn, that sounded like you almost did them, that wasn’t intentional. Promise).
Dave Mustaine. The redheaded Christian fag who plays guitar in Megadeth.
5 – Cute.
Lars Ulrich. The fantastically crappy little drum troll of Metallica.
1 – Old.
Glen Benton. The biker guy from Deicide.
1 – Disgusting.
Leif Edling. The mastermind of Candlemass.
1 – My dad.
Gene Simmons. The guy from Kiss. The one who fucked this groupie while he still wore his socks and got filmed while doing so. That was funny.
1 – Grampa.
Moonspell. The band.
1 – Assholes.
That disgusting Bleeding Through chick named Marta. Just her name sends shivers down my spine. Did you see that “300” movie when he screams… “This is MARTA!!!!”. Scary.
1 – Vagina.
Leif Edling again. But this time he’s the bassist of Krux.
1 – Mad scientist.
Wanderlei Silva. A UFC fighter/personal hero. Check him out, he just got some re-constructive facial surgery and now looks… interesting.
FUCK YOU HAVE A REALLY BAD TASTE IN MEN…
Then you should see my taste in women… So, back to Witchbreed… Can you write down your biography for me? I’m only kidding. No one gives a fuck about that crap. What’s yer bra size?
Don’t know, but it’s small. But its all mine and it doesn’t fall ( it rhymes), haha…
Sorry, strike that too… Let’s see here… “Heretic rapture” feels kinda newly released to me (though I wouldn’t really know). How have the reviews been treating you?
Well, to be honest – some say its great some say it’s ok, and some like Kerrang or Metal Hammer UK don’t like it, and that’s the truth.
Have you gotten some shit for the band name yet?
No, never. You were the first!!! Congrats!
Hooray. What have you done to promote the album’s release coz I can’t say that I have seen you in any magazines or anything?
We? Go ask our label, Ascendance Records. Yeah, we were in some big ones… But like you said – nobody knows us…
Is Global Domination the first really important media outlet to contact you and give you the coverage you deserve?
Yeah babe, you are, you surely are! 100%.
We are halfway into this interview… let’s be serious for a while again. Girls in bands usually do 2 things, play hard to get and sing. Why is it that chicks in most fucken cases when it comes to metal fucken blow at playing an actual instrument?
Yeah… I don’t know… Maybe it’s not very feminine…
I also wanna know what kind of vocalists inspire you to sing like you do. I mean, Chris Barnes is obviously out of the picture but I can’t imagine Angela Gossow of Arch Enemy being someone you give shit about either. And if you mention cunts such as that Simone slut from Epica or cumbucket Tarja Turunen (the skank who got fired from Nightwish) I’ll fucken punch you in the tits.
Hahaha, no punches anywhere. Well, I didn’t have anyone… Do you know Anouk?
But ofcourse. The Dutch slut has done some really good shit over the years.
I used to listen to her, when she came up. But I build my voice on my own… I used to listen to my dad singing and playing his guitar… he was and is my biggest inspiration!
Is there a reason you are not using those growls in Witchbreed more?
Like, yeah… I’m the lead singer… And Witchbreed has one singer… ME!
I mean, they sound quite good and make a nice contrast to your voice. It’s not like I’m complaining too much but I’m a little curious as for why they are only there like twice on the album. Then again I wouldn’t wanna have you guys trading vocals like Deadlock do where the chick’s voice is the strong part of the band. Still they give the guy more space. There’s only one band that can do the 50/50 trade-off and succeed and it’s The Project Hate MCMXCIX. Yeah, my band. Have you listened to us yet? Admit it, it’s fucken fantastic.
Yeah, I think Ares, my bass player, like you guys a lot, and yeah – I liked it a lot. Don’t be too cocky!
It’s not easy to be humble when you are a genius, you know… By the way, I can’t really pick out a fave song off the album of yours, what about you?
I love them all!
If you were to choose one song for people to hear to make an impression about you guys, which one would it be?
“Fang & claw”.
Is there one particular track that you believe your vocals stand out more than on the others?
Yeah, I think “Eden’s end” and “Symphony for the fallen”.
I must admit I think you sound fucken ace all of the time. Believe me; I have tried to find some passage that irritates me so I could give you shit for that, but nope. At 2:50 in “Rebel blood” is one of my fave parts when it comes to your lungs (haha, I know, I rule. I can make a boob joke with the best of them). Did you use any auto-tuning in that specific part or anywhere else on the album?
What do you think?? Melodine and auto tune are used to brighten up the voice – everybody uses it and I’m no exception. But our producer Waldemar Sorychta ( The Gathering, Sentenced, Lacuna Coil, Samael) said that I didn’t need it to get in tune! Well, you saw the videos live didn’t you?! Hehe
Don’t lie to me. If you do I will dump you. Your song “Medeusa”, with that spelling… Is that like a metaphor for the USA being a fucken lying-ass country full of snakes?
IT’S LATIN… for my goddess…
Either way, that chorus sounds fucken fantastic.
Yeah… That song is old, but a goodie…
I can’t sing for shit, just so you know. But I’m a fucken terrific rhythm guitarist and I know when shit is good and when it’s not. It sounds like everyone in Witchbreed’s a competent musician. Who would you say is the best musician in the band?
Dikk, he’s a bass player who plays guitar in Witchbreed and he is also a producer, he’s a genius.
Not to piss on the other guys’ parade… Actually. Yeah, Let’s piss on their parade. You and me baby, like on the Discovery channel. Judging from the album I’d say you.
I have listened to the album almost twice while thinking up these questions and it dawns on me from time to time that I might have scored you guys too low… Maybe you deserved an 8 after all. Are you satisfied with getting a 7,5 from me?
It’s your opinion. I have my opinion, you have yours and somebody else have theirs. I respect that.
I mean, seriously, not many bands manage to get over the 7,5 mark when it comes yours truly. I’m picky as shit when it comes to music so this 7,5 is more like a 8,5 in any other worthless magazine, just so you know.
So that means we are good!
Exactly. But then again some of the weaker tunes comes on and I realize that a 7,5 is actually where the score should be at. Would you agree that some of the material isn’t on par with the rest on “Heretic rapture”?
No, but it’s just me. It’s my band so I will defend them until they don’t want me there, hehe…
Are you going to fix this with the next album? Make all the tunes equally good, I mean.
The first album came out 3 months ago, I’m not thinking about the 2nd already.
By the way, are there any plans whatsoever for when you will record the next disc?
Nops, not really…
Make sure I get a fucken advance of it.
I will make sure of that!
I just saw some fucken live clip of you guys, “Book of dreams”, at YouTube. First of all, why the fuck isn’t this tune on the album?
Because the guys in the band agreed that the song wasn’t fit to be in the album, it was very different from the others.
Second; you obviously sing as fucken good live as on the albums. I am impressed. Also, you didn’t look like shit, then again – that could have been thanx to the light, haha… Kidding baby, kidding. Seriously, great song, excellent vocals. When will you quit the band and go solo?
Is that a proposal?! Hahaha…
Nah, it’s just me trying to get you into the sack. But seriously, did it ever cross your mind?
Going solo? Yeah, I have this dream of recording a solo album. Didn’t come true… yet…
If you did, would it be metal?
Of course. 100% real heavy shit…
Are you metal? Are you fire? Are you steel? If you could be one of the 4 elements, what would you be? I would be balls.
You already have 2, hehe…
Now I watched some live video from 09. Jesus Fucken Christ, how tall are you? 8,9? Or are the guys in the band fucken dwarfs?
No, I’m 5.6. I’m just wearing heels stiletto heels. Yeah, and they are small, expect for the drummer!
Once again, I’m 6,7. Do you really understand how fucken ace your voice; our lengths and my music would be together?
Yeah, we would do some damage!!
Your husband can play guitar solos if he wants. If he can. He’s a bassist as far as I know. Then we fire his ass, just becoz it’s fun. Then you can start Witchbreed again and change moniker. See, I knew I had it all figured out.
It’s all fucked up, but ok then.
I asked Ross of Immolation this some time back and thought I’d give you the exact same questions. You can pretend to be Ross if you want to (you dirty slut) or you can answer them as Ruby, to the best of your ability:
The “Lemon or just a small taste of citrus” game:
Sharing a bus with 20 other sweaty men: small taste of citrus.
Showering every third day, at best: small taste of citrus.
Pasta with nothing but tomato sauce: small taste of citrus.
Hellraiser Fest, Leipzig, Germany: how the fuck do i know?! I’ll take a shot on lemon, maybe they invite us, hahaha!
Steve’s cap: who’s Steve? Small taste of citrus.
5 string basses: lemon ( that 5th string does the trick).
Weed: small taste of citrus.
Alcohol: small taste of citrus.
Prague: never been there… looks good in the pics so I will go for lemon.
Tour-cameras: yeah, why not “Big Brother” on the road? I like cameras haha… Lemon.
Nancy, France: never been there, but must be nice. Lemon.
So, we are about to wrap this muthafucker up but first lemme ask you. Have you lied somewhere in this interview?
Awwww, so soon?!! Hehe… No I didn’t, and I will get in a lot of trouble, but fuck it, it was fun as fuck!! You rock!!
I rock like a witch on acid, baby! Fuuuuuuck. I almost forgot to ask… Are you a witch? I’m asking becoz I haven’t been able to see a broom in any of your pictures, not counting your husband. ZING!!!
Yeah, and I turn into a bat. Fuck no… I don’t believe in that crap. It’s all part of the clothes that Witchbreed dress in. Fantasy, paganism, etc… what?? My husband is pretty hot, tattoos, piercings and he plays bass, can he get any better??? Ha, he’s good in the sack, haha…
As you can clearly see I am totally running out of fucken questions to ask so is there anything you’d like to share with me? Nude photos? Guest vocals for an album of mine? A tit?
Hum… nude photos… I think if this album don’t sell, I will pose nude, hahaha. It wouldn’t sell anyway, hehe… Yeah, guest vocals for your album anytime, that’s a promise ! Share with you… hum… fuck… now it’s me… I don’t know what to say… Next question…
Let’s try to end this in a serious way, it’ll be a struggle, but hey… Thanx a lot Ruby for being a sport, for not looking like a million bucks and for being cool as fucken shit. Give my cock to the rest of the band and wish them nothing but the best. I have faith in you guys. You can now thank me for the best damned interview you have ever gotten, and ever will get. I would like to end this with me singing a love song in German, but I suck at German so let’s just end it. Ta-ta!
Yeah, I will thank you, Kerry King the 2nd, for being such a great guy and taking the time to listen to us, the shuuuuuuuu. And you have a new fan here, the fugly Ruby. I hope one day I can go and play in Sweden so that you can see my fugly face live and we can drink a cup of tea together, hehehe (how posh is that?). I will thank you in my native language, next time you come around, it might come in handy:
Kisses / Ruby