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Reviews
Absentia Lunae: Historia nobis assentietvr
20/03/09 || Global Domination
This review was written by ex-staffer/cocksmoker InquisitorGeneralis.
The Inquisitor is trying new things in life. I am trying Miracle Whip in place of mayo on my sammiches. I am watching horseporn instead of my normal snuff bondage. I am actually reviewing what Lord K asks us to, not bullshit from my personal collection. I am finally learning to wear condoms when I bang hookers. And finally, the grandaddy of ‘em all… I am reviewing a black metal album. Get yer torches and pickaxes ready, it’s time to to waste a church or too and hear what Absentia Lunae have to offer.
Honestly, I actually enjoy some of what these Italian Hoagies dump out on “Historia Nobis Assentietvr”. The vocals are pretty shitty and there is some of wimpy cry-in-a-forest parts but several times the band unleashes some serious asskicking. I would not so far as to compare this to more blackened death like Behemoth but there is some heavy elements in here that appeal to my more death attuned senses: breakdowns, time changes, and slower melodic sections..
There is plenty of blasting on here for all of you black metallers who like it fast and painful. The vocals are mostly a high pitched shriek with occasional (and pretty horrible) singing parts thrown in for good measure. I guess this could be labeled as somewhat progressive black metal, but it is pretty fucken heavy. For all of my natural ill-disposition towards teh black I can not call these guys pussies. They do bring some serious pain.
For the life of me I can not understand what has happened in Italy to cause these young lads to create such depressing tracks: most of the songs are about being depressed, feeling empty, and just general unhappiness. When I think black metal I think about goatheated cultists, scorched churches, and ritual suicide: not Dr. Fucken Phil. These guys don’t need torches and battleaxes, they need therapy and Xanax.
What happened fellas? Did you get some fettuccine that was a little rough and uncooked? Hmm? Did someone give you a skunked Peroni? Hmm? Did you miss the Versace and Gucci summer sales? Hmm? Vespa got a flat? Hmm? You guys are the reigning world cup champs? Doesn’t that equal four years of guaranteed happiness for the winning country? I wouldn’t know, I’m an American and we get our asses wiped in soccer…and guess what? I don’t give a shit either.
Bellisimo! How about the songs? Well “Neuropa calling” is a terrible intro and should have been scrapped. It almost made me stop before I ever got to the first real song but I really am trying to open my horizons so I struggled through. “Sentenza al criterio” sets the formula for most of the songs on here: a few minutes of blasting, a breakdown/slow part, more blasting. The drumming is pretty awesome. Blasphemer (how original) is fast but does slow up and get groovy with skill. Nothing special about the guitar playing. Competent is the only word that comes to mind. Climaxia (do I even need to rip in to that name? Hmm) does nothing to really set him or herself apart from the millions of other depressed, angry black metal guitarist out there.
I am not going to dissect the rest of the songs. “Nel gelido sentore di un’eterno addio” kicks some ass and stands out from its fellow meatballs. Most of the songs on here are around the five or six minute mark and I give Absentia Lunae credit for that, but the lack of diversity between the songs does help things get old, fast. “Historia Nobis Assentietvr” literally translates into:
History will prove us right…
In this case, history is right: I still don’t like black metal. However, there are some solid points on this disc and I can not say I hate it or that it gives me uncontrollable, painful diarrehea after a few listens. Will I listen to this after this review is done? Absolutely not. However, from what little I understand about the dark, goofy world of black metal this may be a winner if this is your style. If you like fast, brutal blasting with hints of melody and prog you should check this out. I have tried to review this with as open a mind (or asshole maybe?) as possible. Excuse me, for now I must go listen to Dew Scented and allow my ballsack to regrow to its normal, moderate size.
5 depressed Italian sausages reviewed by 10 death/thrash loving American idiots.
- Info
- Released: 2009
- Label: ATMF
- Website: Absentia Lunae MySpace
- Band
- Ildanach: vocals
- Climaxia: guitars
- Sephrenel: bass
- Jan B. (Blastphemer): drums
- Tracklist
- 01. Neuropa Calling
- 02. Sentenza al Criterio
- 03. Nel Gelido Sentore di Un’eterno Addio (nel Solco della mai Sopita Via)
- 04. L’Urlo ed il suo Illuminante Eco
- 05. L’immutabile Richiamo ed il suo Cruento Incontro
- 06. Nel Segno dell’Ariete la Storia ci darà Ragione
- 07. Il Sole Ritrovato degli Iperborei