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Reviews
Mutiilation: The new false prophet
02/01/08 || Global Domination
This review was written by ex-staffer/cocksmoker Desolator.
You know, when you pull out a black metal album to review, it’s like sticking your hand inside an elephant’s rectum. Either you’ll find something you’ll love or something you hate. That’s why it’s so fucken hard to decide which albums you wanna grab for review. In a way, it’s healthy to find something to bash, because we at GD harbour enough fucken anger to detonate the earth. That’s how awesome we are. But luckily for you, dear reader, we focus that pent up rage on bashing pieces of shit like the one I’m reviewing now.
This was going to be a review for Necroplasma’s “My Hearse, My Redemption”, but that album kinda grew on me. Sure, it didn’t sound like plasma, but it had a lot of shit that I came to like in the end. Mutiilation on the other hand is FUCKEN GODAWFUL CRAP. And yes, I did start to write this review in preparation for this shit fest. Of course, I changed it slightly to suit this album.
When I listened to this album, all I could find were some cool ideas that were mutiilated to fucking hell, thus spawning this crock of shit. It didn’t even sound anything like plasma, or anything that could step up to the plasma rifle in Doom. Fuck, if this album was to be a weapon in Doom, it would be the fists, while a band like Dark Funeral would be the BFG 9000. And you know how weak the punching attacks are, right? At the end of a level, I tried punching a Cacodemon and I fell asleep from boredom. Then I died and had to restart the fucken level. That’s how much this album pisses me off.
If you don’t understand my feverish analogies yet, this album is fucking shit. And any Dark Funeral album would crush this piece of shit. And I’m not just saying that to earn grounding points with Lord K. What I have to say here is law. Anyone who likes Mutiilation and thinks Dark Funeral is shit would have to be a pre-school drop out with at least 15 illegitimate children. Just listen to “Diabolis Interium” and you will see how gravely wrong you were for thinking Mutiilation is better. Mutiilation is so bad that if you listen to it and like it, your future offspring will have duck beaks for mouths and wolf fangs permanently implanted in their rectal walls.
These guys aren’t entirely shit at playing their instruments though. They seem somewhat talented and I guess they know how to pluck some strings on a guitar. There are even some killer riffs, but the production completely ruins it all. This is a case of relatively skilled sculptors working with nothing but pig excrement. These guys have some good ideas and seem a bit skilled, but none of this can save this album from being cast down in the dank realms of my computer’s trash can.
I’ve heard a lot of praise for this band and all I can say is, WHY!? What is so fucken great about this crap? I guess the kvlt black metal kiddies will tell me I’m just a sheep who doesn’t understand anything about black metal in response to this review. Well I like all sorts of black metal, but this band is just rubbish that should have been left in the grim and frostbitten French bathrooms where it came from.
Raw black metal can be a wonderful thing to me, but there is such thing as fucking it up. Just look at Mutiilation here, who have a knack for mutiilating their own sound for example, thinking it was the “way to enlightenment”. This is not the way to enlightenment at all. If you want some good French black metal, check out Antaeus, Deathspell Omega and Glorior Belli. Leave Mutiilation in the dumpster to destroy itself through self-mutiilation. This band is the real false prophet. Thank Satan this album was only about 12 minutes long.
1 plasma diarrhea attack out of 10.
- Information
- Released: 2000
- Label: End All Life
- Website: Mutiilation MySpace
- Band
- Meyhna’ch: everything
- Tracklist
- 01. New False Prophet
- 02. Glorious Evil Time