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Reviews

Nargaroth: Black metal ist krieg

29/10/07  ||  Global Domination

This review was written by ex-staffer/cocksmoker Desolator.

Have you ever taken a shit on your steak just to see how it tastes? Well, that’s what Nargaroth does with its black metal. Kanwulf dropped a log in his tr00 cauldron of black metal and decided to take things from there. Nargaroth released this piece of shit as a “tribute to black metal”. What better way to write a black metal documentary than to write a piece of crap that rides Darkthrone’s collective nuts?

Stupid names aside (band, album and band member names), Nargaroth is caught in the delusion that black metal should only ever consist of poor-sounding guitars with pretentious vocals and lyrics. And what do you know? The guitars sound like absolute shit. The riffs are boring as fuck. The drumming is sloppier than a bucket of pig diarrhea. Not to mention the kvlt and tr00 vocals don’t make things any better.

Just listen to the title track. Along with the multitude of lame riffs and shit sound, care to take a guess as to what the lyrics consist of? If you guessed the words “black metal ist krieg” being screeched over and over again in an autistic manner, then you get a gold star, because that’s all there is. Actually, there’s also “black fucking metal ist krieg”, but that’s about it, really. This is the slogan that many black metal fuckwits have adopted, and most of them probably don’t even know what it means. Not even the German ones.

BLACK METAL IST KRIEG!!! Shut the fuck up you cunt. I fucking hate that phrase (I’ve found it overused on Blabbermouth for example).

I’ll admit I thought “Seven Tears Are Flowing To The River” was alright (plus 1 point for this song), even if it was ridiculously long, but it’s still nothing special. “Erik, May You Rape The Angels” is mostly a rip off from Immortal’s “Pure Holocaust”, but it actually surprised me because I kinda liked it (plus 2 points for this song). I might keep this one song. I prefer Immortal over this, but still, it was a pleasant surprise. Kinda like finding a golden trinket in a mound of elephant shit. Kanwulf, you cheeky fucker!

Now back to the bashing…

“The Day Burzum Killed Mayhem” is another needlessly long song (9 and a half minutes too long) full of pretentious lyrics, about how black metal will never be the same again (just because Varg killed Euronymous), according to Kanwulf. It just reminds me how I wish black metal purists would just get over it (or kill themselves to make this world a better place). It’s not like Euronymous was the only guy who could play black metal, you fucking morons. Just look at bands like Gorgoroth, Dark Funeral, Black Flame, Tsjuder, Carpathian Forest and Disiplin to name a few.

Apparently, this idiot wants all nowadays black metal bands to go away too (hence one of his titles “Fuck Off Nowadays Black Metal”). Well apparently, nowadays Nargaroth is even worse, and this I can believe. Maybe he should take his own advice, stop throwing stones in a glass house (or box) and quit the black metal game. Besides, any modern black metal band is better than Nargaroth by a long shot. Also, didn’t he say that he wanted to kill himself because black metal “will never be the same again”? That wouldn’t surprise me.

3 German Euronymous wannabes out of 10.

• Information
• Released: 2001
• Label: No Colours
• Website: www.nargaroth.pt.vu
• Band
• Kanwulf: all instruments and vocals

• Tracklist
• 01. Introduction
• 02. Black Metal ist Krieg
• 03. Far Beyond the Stars (Azhubham Haani cover)
• 04. Seven Tears are Flowing to the River
• 05. I Burn for You (Lord Foul cover)
• 06. The Day Burzum Killed Mayhem
• 07. Píseň pro Satana (Root cover)
• 08. Amarok – Zorn des Lammes III
• 09. Erik, May you Rape the Angels
• 10. The Gates of Eternity (Moonblood cover)
• 11. Possessed by Black Fucking Metal

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