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Global Domination | Reviews | Pulsating Anus: Demo 2008

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Pulsating Anus: Demo 2008

29/06/09  ||  HailandKill

The seasoned staff here at GD pride themselves for willing to go where no metalhead has gone before. It’s like Star Trek, but with music. They’ve heard the best albums and the worst albums. Lapped up the delicious crust and scraped the bottom of the barrel. Ventured into the weird and fucked the bizarre in the ass.

Yet no one seems to have expected Pulsating Anus to release a demo of such underwhelming proportions. No one except HailandKill, that is. Currently chilling in their Ohio cribs, these three buttmunchers are your average dumb myspace band whose only redeeming virtue is a keen sense of humor. Their awesome contribution to the heavy metal universe is the thrash/grindcore hybrid that’s their sound, which has the consistency of a wet fart. It’s ugly, ill conceived, and sudden. Stinks too. Take the songs here: they erupt, and just as a fart’s odor lingers, so do their decibels. For about 20 seconds.

You can’t take this demo seriously—you aren’t expected to in the first place—but you can laugh yourself senseless to “Headlock Apocalypse”, “Making Hot, Sweet, Juicy, Love to a Cubscout”, “You Fingered Your Cousin Terry”, “Public Finger Sniffer”, and the titillating “Pussy”. For variety’s sake there’s black metal grimness on “More Like Starship…Poopers”, while butt rock attitude prevails for the sexy “Pussy”, and even faux-theatricality in “The Anus That Swallowed Manhattan”. In summation, this whole demo is one gay-tarded mas-turd-piece.

Now even if the sound quality here is crap (pun intended, or not), Pulsating Anus genuinely wanna entertain you and to their credit, they succeed most of the time. Fancy guitars or precise drumming are largely absent here since none of these three stooges have the chops yet. The vocals are equally loathsome, mostly senseless yells, grunts, screams, whatever. The drums are just fast and autistic. This really is a disastrous piece of music. Funny though. Very funny.

You still want a fucken score?

-10 (yes, that’s negative) bunghole surfers out of 10.

  • Tracklist
  • 01. Headlock Apocalypse
  • 02. Making Hot, Sweet, Juicy, Love to a Cubscout
  • 03. You Fingered Your Cousin Terry
  • 04. Public Finger Sniffer
  • 05. More Like Starship…Poopers
  • 06. Barf In Your Ass
  • 07. Butt Trencher
  • 08. Pussy
  • 09. The Anus That Swallowed Manhattan