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Reviews

The Disciples Of Zoldon: Blackened theological tome

19/09/07  ||  Global Domination

This review was written by ex-staffer/cocksmoker Naja.

Let’s ignore the music here for a second: New Zealand’s The Disciples of Zoldon have one of the most ridiculously stupid names in extreme metal. Zoldon, according to the bands webpage, is the “god of heavy metal”. They go on to state that any person who “worships heavy metal is a disciple of Zoldon”. Well motherfuckers, I love my metal, but Zoldon can go fuck himself. Don’t think you can tell me who I worship, ya bitches. Regardless of their shit-tastic moniker, The Cocksuckers of Zoldon still manage to redeem themselves by putting out a fairly decent slab of metal. “Blackened Theological Tome” is certainly not an instant classic or anything, but it isn’t half-bad, and I have to admit I’ve actually enjoyed listening through it a few times.

Apparently, this project is not really a band, but the solo effort of head cocksucker, er… disciple, Luke “The Reaper” Brimblecombe, with a little added help from his fellow cocksuckers, er… friends. The style displayed here is a hybrid between black and death metal, with a good dash of grind thrown in for flavor. The resulting cacophony is well-written, well-played, and fairly enjoyable.

The highlight of this album is most definitely the guitar work. There is certainly some very memorable riffage going on here, and some pretty cool lead work as well. Interestingly enough, from a guitar standpoint this album recalls some of the stuff on the Sickening Horror album I covered a while back, which I also enjoyed. The drumwork is fairly impressive as well, though a lot of it sounds programmed, with some live drums interspersed throughout. The vocals are another department worthy of praise, and definitely highlight themselves throughout the songs.

Standout tracks on this album include “The Carrion Master”, “He Breaks His Fast Upon a Feast of Falsehood”, “Sages Have Written of Your Kingdom”, and “Drink Deep From the Blackened Bile”. In fact, all of the songs on this record are pretty strong and worthy of repeated listens. If you like your metal fast, technical, and ugly then you are sure to find something here you like.

Despite their abso-fucken-lutely retarded band name, The Cocksuckers of Zoldon certainly know how to play some decent metal. The tracks are available to download from the bands webpage, so you really have nothing to lose by checking them out. Besides, you wouldn’t want to incur the wrath of Zoldon and his legion of cocksuckers by failing to do so.

7.5/10.

  • Information
  • Released: 2007
  • Label: Not a fucken clue
  • Website: www.solvere.co.nz/doz
  • Band
  • Luke ‘The Reaper’ Brimblecombe: vocals, guitars, MIDI-programming including drum and percussion
  • Logan “The Destroyer” Compain: Backing Vocals, additional MIDI and live drums
  • Jono: production and additional guitars
  • Tracklist
  • 01. Crown Him, King Of Death
  • 02. Drink Deep From Blackened Bile
  • 03. He Breaks His Fast Upon A Feast Of Falsehood
  • 04. The Carrion Master
  • 05. Primaeval Battle, Theocratic Rule
  • 06. Blackened Theological Tome
  • 07. Sages Have Written Of Your Kingdom
  • 08. In The Wake Of Chariots
  • 09. Reverence Unto He Who Is The Vehement One
  • 10. That Megalith Whose Shadow Is Cast Beyond Time Itself