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Reviews

Tsjuder: Kill for Satan

10/12/07  ||  Global Domination

This review was written by ex-staffer/cocksmoker Desolator.

Fellow staffer Kampfar got me into Tsjuder with his review of their album “Desert Northern Hell”, and I thank him for that.

I expected Tsjuder to be a raw and heavy black metal band with a killer sound, and those expectations were very well fetched by a Satanic Rottweiler. Satan’s favourite pooch helped me find the band’s MySpace page and I was quite pleased with what I heard. But don’t tell the black metal purists I use MySpace because I want to maintain my credibility among them. Actually, first I’d have to invent an ounce of credibility for those fuckers, so if someone could help me with that, I’d be happy. So, what better way to celebrate the 2000th year after the death of Jesus Christ with a killer black metal album named “Kill For Satan”? Oh wait, that was apparently after he was born. Oh well, close enough. Let’s just wait until 2035 next time, haha.

The first song, “The Daemon Gate”, starts of with some dude saying “Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks?” Then on comes the pummeling music that takes you into utter despair and doom. And that is how the rest of the album goes. The End.

Nah, I can’t stop here.

The guitar sound is dirty as hell. The riffs, speed and sound are like a chainsaw slicing through the flesh of some fuckwit who got himself trapped and covered in the bleakest, blackest and stickiest of tar. The tunes are doomy, groovy and include some catchy black and roll moments, and this all adds up to an excellent black metal beverage. This album is also heavy as fuck can be. While the guitars are carving rough cuts into your brain, the bass frequencies are about as subtle as giving someone a full frontal lobotomy with a hammer drill during sex (also with a hammer drill).

This album has some of the heaviest bass frequencies in the history of black metal, something which may (hopefully) coax an elitist Burzum fan into committing suicide. You know how kvlt black metal fans hate bass. The bass frequencies are especially heavy and over the top in “Dying Spirits”. Just something nice to fuck with your ears every now and then. Nothing wrong with that.

Many drumkits must have been pulverized and disintegrated during the making of this album as Anti Christian proves to be a sadist for a drummer. The drums are devastating and a lot of tricks are performed here. My favourite part of the drumming takes place at the start of “Raping Christianity” where an excellent drum roll is performed. And not just on one can.

This album also wouldn’t have much of its character without Nag’s killer vocals. The guy sounds like he’s just vomited away a night of cheap beer, just to scare some people in a church. And the stamina of his throat never lets up. None of those Sunday mornings will be peaceful with him around.

It’s a shame that Tsjuder split up, but Nag has a good new band named Krypt in the works. For now, I’ll always enjoy the three-fold chainsaw skullfuckings that these guys so proudly present.

9 chainsaw brain surgeons out of 10.

  • Information
  • Released: 2000
  • Label: Drakkar Production
  • Website: www.tsjuder.com
  • Band
  • Nag: bass, vocals
  • Draugluin: guitar
  • Arak Draconiiz: guitar
  • Anti Christian: drums
  • Tracklist
  • 01. The Daemon Gate
  • 02. Necromancy
  • 03. Lord Of Terror
  • 04. Raping Christianity
  • 05. Dying Spirits
  • 06. Unleashed
  • 07. Kill For Satan
  • 08. Sodomizing The Lamb
  • 09. Beyond The Grave
  • 10. Daemon’s Journey

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