Introduction by Global Domination
17/05/11 || Global Domination
What the fuck is this then? Well… Since labels and bands think we are Teh Shit (and rightfully so) they send us fucken piles and piles of albums to review. Most of them suck the cocks of goats, hence why we won’t spend our valuable time giving them a 16-paragraph review since they don’t deserve it. That’s why the STUBS section has been created. Here you will get short reviews for alot of crap, with the, perhaps, occasional decent offering included. Just look at the score and you’ll figure it all out.
Yeah, the formatting is reminiscent of that of Audio Autopsy, only this is not… tada!… Audio Autopsy. Magic, huh? If your album ended up in here – you most likely suck it. Live with it. You should be happy we have decided to cover your shit band at all.
07/12/13 || Ironpants
This band grabbed me by the balls earlier this year, do you remember? I guess they made an impact at Century Media also? I am assuming that the label saw a chance to keep the fans at bay with releasing the bands earlier demo tapes on a compilation? Well, it is how it works nowadays, you have to keep people satisfied in this constant stream of lyric videos, merch, interviews, reviews and what not? I can’t blame them though, because Necrowretch fucking rule! I feel like I´m 17-18 again when I listen to their debut album, the sheer force of their blackened energetic death metal kicks massive amounts of behinds.
If you are a new fan, or an older fan, that missed out on their era before being signed, you now have the opportunity to catch up on their demos that are sold out in this compilation. But the problem with this kind of releases is that if you are not a die hard fan, there isn’t very much to discover. Early demos that maybe should be left alone in the crypt from where they came from? Nah, stick to their awesome debut album and keep your fingers crossed (or crosses fingered) that they are working on a new album that will strike us with equal amounts of whoop-ass somewhere next year.
6/10 Only for die hard fans that miss the good ‘ol days of tape trading
05/12/13 || Cobal
While some metal subgenres namely power and speed among others have been absolutely incapable of evolving into something that makes justice to the 21st century, more extreme forms of metal music such as black and death have borrowed musical non-metal elements in order to reinvent their sonority. Take the whole wave of post-whatever for instance. That’s exactly the case of this record, in which black metal is only another ingredient of an ethereal mix of intense yet atmospheric music. I reckon that the lovers of more “genuine” forms of the black art won’t fall for this one as it’s probably not metal enough and whatnot. Me, I found great the way they slowly switch from the sweeter passages to the more furious ones providing almost all songs with great crescendos and making them last an average of 10 minutes each. There’s some serious songwriting going on here if you ask me. Moreover, unlike other releases of the same likes, From Beneath Billows do know how to integrate their shit.
7/10: Another good one, beard metal.
03/12/13 || Pr0nogo
A long time ago, I had the extreme displeasure of listening to a band called Psyopus. They played what I like to call extremely-autistic technical dumbass metal – the guitars had all the moxie of sound effects out of a broken ’90s game, the vocals were akin to the noises a cat makes when it goes toe-to-brain with a garbage disposal, and the drums seemed an awful lot like a busted metronome that wouldn’t stop going off at the highest possible speed. I decreed thenceforth that no band of their genre would ever top Psyopus in terms of bad, and went on my merry way. However, De Magia Veterum has proven me wrong (or maybe it’s just the same guys under a different name, fuck if I care), with their 2013 full-length “The Deification“. Guess what? Everything sounds exactly as I described above, so I just reviewed two albums for you in the time most mortals take to review one. That’s some quality journalism right there, fuckhead.
1/10, because I can’t review what I can’t hear, dammit.
30/11/13 || Pr0nogo
Eclectic is the word of today, folks, because we’re taking on the music of Ajuna – a “psychological” and “pre-conscious” metal outfit from Copenhagen. Instead of making us a good set of brews, however, these Denmarkians “have collectively created an introverted universe that revolves around emotional suffering, parallel realities, eccentric philosophy and death” (that quote comes straight off their website). Unfortunately for Ajuna, their blurb really doesn’t do their music justice – their 2013 EP “Prisoners of the Sun” has produced one of the biggest headaches I’ve ever had in my long and illustrious career of shitting on metal albums. Between the completely random BPM changes and the power-chord-only guitar riffs flying out the window, “eclectic” can’t begin to describe how confusing this was to listen to. The drums alternate between random hat hits and random snare hits, the bass kicks can’t be heard in the mix, there’s no pattern to the fills (or the rest of the composition) at all, and the vocals are equally as music-defying. It seems like a bunch of different bands of all different metal styles came together and wrote half of a song each, and Ajuna picked up the pieces and stuffed them together. I guess it was too “pre-conscious” and “eccentric” for me, huh?
2 fat psychological cocks out of 10.
Listen here if you dare.
28/11/13 || gk
This is some melodic heavy metal with the occasional death metal part and completely over the top vocals that don’t really fit the music. There’s a death metal growl and a black metal shriek that often seem to be competing with each other in terms of volume. There’s a bunch of other vocal styles that creep up as the album plods along too but it sounds like the vocalist’s voice broke halfway through the recording session and he just continued regardless. The music itself is pretty standard melodic metal with nothing that really stands out. There’s also a sense of having heard all these riffs before in much better songs. The band needs a better vocalist and better songs. There might be an audience for this kind of middle of the road metal that’s neither here nor there but overall there’s nothing here that I can recommend.
4/10: Mostly boring, occasionally bad.
26/11/13 || gk
Debut album released by this Finnish death metal band in 2011. I have no idea why this got sent to GD 2 years later but “Bloodtorn” isn’t a bad effort at all. There’s absolutely nothing new here. The sound is quite reminiscent of the last couple of Blood Red Throne albums and the guitars are very thick and heavy. Fleshred manage to keep my attention through the first 30 minutes of the album but as “Bloodtorn” stretches into its full length, things get quite monotonous and faceless. The songs start to meld and lose whatever individual personality they had until everything sounds the same. By the time the album’s 49 minute run time is done, there’s nothing I can remember from it and I’m left with just wanting to listen to Blood Red Throne’s “Altered Genesis” instead. Not a good sign but I’m sure there’s a market for this kind of faceless, mediocre modern death metal.
5/10: It’s alright for a few songs but gets boring very quickly.
24/11/13 || Cobal
While definitely not an expert, there was a time when I really dug this kind of metal, unfortunately, useless copying and repetition prevent me from being that enthusiastic about literary/epic power metal these days. While “Humagination” doesn’t necessarily lack the due staples of the genre and it does show some quality music, I’m overall not impressed.
Indeed, everything is here, and that’s probably part of my problem with this record. First, the epicness, the big, fat epicness. You know what I’m saying, right? That movie score-like sound that’s supposed to transfer the listener into a fantasy landscape. Sorry, I don’t buy into that anymore. Fortunately, Exlibris also go for a more rock-oriented sound at times, and that indeed adds up for their credibility. Second, there’s of course the soloing. Guitar, keyboards and even bass solos here and there prove that this guys definitely can play if anything. The problem is we’ve heard such things before, and in better shape. Now, while this is not disgusting or insulting in any way, it does feel as though they really want to be the next Rhapsody in the henhouse. Sorry, not even Rhapsody of Fire have achieved that. So, if you’re a collector of literary power metal, you may check this out.
A check for all the musts, still no cigar.
5/10: Keep trying, yo chicks.
23/11/13 || Ironpants
Sometimes you stumble on a find that change your perspective on life and it takes a drastic turn. This album is not one of those finds. I have no idea what went through their minds when they sent it to Global Domination? I have strong suspicions that they didn’t even read the front page at this formidable site? Or maybe they did, and took a long-shot and saw a chance to try and convert some poor lost souls to their preachings? Well, I think it is too late for us who dwell here?
They are lucky I was in a good mood when I listened to this angel-like Nickelback-smelling and Creed inspired drivel. I popped a blood vessel during “Everlasting light” and cleansed myself by whipping my naked body with a power cord and then jumped into a tub of salt water. Nope, I’m gonna use the option to turn my other (butt)cheek to this.
I’d rather eat raw chicken and drink tap water in Thailand than listen to this again.
2/10: Yeah 2, you got an extra point for having a song called “Fuckshack” (what?!).
22/11/13 || Cobal
It’s a bitch to judge and grade, grindcore. Besides the eventual technicality some acts may show, songwriting is normally non-existing and everything sounds almost the same to me. Such is the case of Grind-O-Matic’s “Flower power”.
If anything, I felt the riffs particularly dissonant up to the point of making me uncomfortable. Of course, I understand that’s a good mark. Also there’s some pretty groovy moments here and there, however, with songs that last only one to two minutes, it’s difficult to appreciate it. Finally, as every other respectable grindcore record out there, there’s huge use of sound samples presumably taken from old movies and whatnot. Fun and extremely ingenious as their creators might consider it, such feature didn’t do shit for me.
But don’t pay attention to me, I’m definitely not an expert. Instead, judge yourselves.
1/10: Could have listened only to the first two tracks and spare myself the boredom. There are fucking twenty of them.
21/11/13 || gk
“Weight of water” is the second 3 song demo from this Finnish 3 piece and it’s straight up modern heavy metal. The 3 songs here are all pretty average although the trio do sound promising every now and then. The lead guitar part on “First blood” is a stand out, “Great unknown” is a fun and catchy song let down somewhat by vocals that sound a bit flat and the title song “Weight of water” is all early 90s heavy metal with a clean start and plenty of melody. The riffs are pretty standard, the songs are all kind of bland and the vocalist occasionally struggles with the low notes. Still, it’s not too bad for what it is.
5/10: Write better songs and you might stand a chance.