Go to content | Go to navigation | Go to search

Stubs

Storm Of Darkness / Luciferian: Split CD

27/06/12  ||  Lord K Philipson

So, a burnt CD got sent to GD. Handwritten song titles and a fucken ugly, xeroxed b/w cover saying “PROMO ONLY” on it… What, you don’t think this is worthy of a full blown, printed, color cover and a real manufactured CD? “Promo only”… Fucken righteous. Good luck with getting that killer record deal. The first impression thanx to all of this crap is… Wow… professional shit incoming!

Storm Of Darkness (bonus points for the amazingly innovative moniker) and Luciferian (bonus points for being one of 4 million bands named exactly that) decided to team up on this “From underground to the black mass” thing. Yeah, that’s what it’s called, obviously. I just can’t fucken wait to have this disc deliver some incredibly awesome metal to my ears.

‘press play’

Audio suffering starts

More audio suffering

‘press stop’

Incredibly awesome metal didn’t happen. How. Fucken. Shocking.

Storm Of Penises (now that would have been a fucken excellent band name, no?) play some incredibly poorly sounding black metal with a few riffs passing for decent, but ultimately fucken blows.

How. Fucken. Shocking. I give it a 3/10.

Luciferian on the other hand… These guys play even poorer black metal than their Colombian cronies.

How. Fucken. Shocking. Not better than 2/10.

Yes, they love the tr00 black metal genre. No, they have no fucken clue as for how to recapture the sound of their heroes. Yes, you will never listen to this. And finally a note to the bands featured here: Do not bother sending badly written hatemails to us. Spend that time getting your shit together instead.