Lists of Domination
BamaHammer's Top 10 Most Metal Professional Wrestling Intro Songs
20/04/12 || BamaHammer
Almost everything about the “sport” of professional wrestling is fake. That’s no secret. It’s a soap opera targeted at dudes who like watching make-believe fights between two guys with irrationally disproportionate muscle structures. In fact the only real things about it are the wear and tear to wrestlers’ bodies, the steroid-induced depression, and the shrunken testicles. Oh, and the music. I forgot that’s why we’re here.
There’s no denying that when you hear those first few magical seconds of someone’s ring entrance music, the sound becomes synonymous with that wrestler and the memories begin to spill forth like the thumbtacks from Mick Foley’s bag of goodies. Back before they started hiring semi-well known bands (and Motörhead) to write music for their stars, the wrestling powers-that-be had to be creative and come up with something original and charismatic, and…Wait a second. What’s happening here? Fans, I don’t know what, uh… Hey, wait a second. Good god! That’s BamaHammer’s music!…and…and…HE’S GOT A TOP TEN LIST WITH HIM! NO! NO! DAMMIT! NO!
10. Ken Shamrock
Let’s start this thing off with some danger. Ken Shamrock is nicknamed “The World’s Most Dangerous Man,” and honestly, no one is going to argue with him. He could also hold the title of The World’s Most Unlikely Man to Remember Anything in Ten Years . His music wasn’t necessarily heavy or overly aggressive, but it was definitely an extremely memorable killer riff. As soon as you hear that first lame, grungy power chord and bell chime, you knew some poor sap was about to find himself in an ankle-lock before you could even get comfortable on the couch.
9. The Rockers
In the ’80s, it was perfectly acceptable for two dudes to hang out all the time in brightly colored tights trimmed with neon colors and refer to themselves as a “tag team.” Also, if you referred to your tag team as The Rockers, you better have the entrance music to back up the claim. Luckily, the immortal Shawn Michaels and oh-yeah-that-guy Marty Jannetty used one of the most immaculate canned ’80s guitar riffs of the decade for their entrance. Nothing about it sounds remotely orignal or interesting, but from the first moment you hear it, you always think the same thing: The Rockers.
8. The Acolytes
The Acolytes had a cool theme going for them. Know what it was? ………Satan. (sips wine). The two dudes in the tag team looked like they would never willingly hang out with each other, but it worked. Ron Simmons, or Faarooq, was portrayed as a militant Islamic Black Panther until he joined the team, and Bradshaw was (probably in real life as well) a crazed Texas redneck lunatic. Either way, the two combined to form The Acolytes, evil minions of the Undertaker who generally served as thugs for the Ministry of Darkness. If that doesn’t sound metal enough, just listen to that theme. The theatrical darkness is so thick it’s suffocating.
Believe it or not, tag teams used to be cool enough to sustain themselves without the need for one member or the other to be a transcendental superstar. Demolition was one of the absolute coolest teams ever to grace the mat. Their names were Ax and Smash, and it that wasn’t cool enough, Ax didn’t even care that he was in no way in good enough physical shape to be seen without a shirt for extended periods of time. The guy had man teats. They wore silver-studded black leather vests and chaps and looked like they loved Judas Priest entirely too much, and they probably did, but they didn’t just look the part. They sounded the part too.
Well that’s almost a growl, isn’t it? There’s no denying that LOD was pretty metal. They painted their faces and one-upped many black metal nerds along the way by adding a ton of red to their black and white motif, and their spiked shoulder pads were always a source of great awe and admiration from kids like me. Like Demolition, LOD were one of the classic tag-teams that made it cool to be part of a team, and their whole “What a Rush” campaign was what made it so killer. When that growl echoed throughout the arena followed by that sleazy metal motor-biker riff, you knew things were about to get awesome.
5. Kane – Burned
Black and red are creepy together. They’re even creepier when you put them on a ridiculously large man in loony bin mask to cover his facial burn scars (for theatrics only, mind you). I remember seeing a WWF event live back in 1999, and even though I knew the exact moment Kane’s intro would explode into a fiery cavalcade of heavy guitar and synth riffs, it still managed to scare the bejeezus out of me just because it was so loud and incredibly awesome. Even today when the lights go out and you hear this theme kick in with the disturbing Mr. Crowley organ, you can’t help but want to keep listening to it to the very end. It’s dark and moody and just emanates pure evil theatrics, the sound of the very definition of Kane himself.
4. The Undertaker – Dark Side
When you think about it, The Undertaker was pretty tr00 and kvlt. He wore all black, he had pasty skin, he was obsessed with death and funerals, seemed incredibly moody, and made you think he practiced the black arts. In all honesty, the only thing missing was the corpsepaint. His late-‘90s era theme music was stunningly masterful. When the lights went down in the arena and that bell tolled creepily through the speakers, everyone knew what they were about to witness. The song itself was dark, atmospheric, and the perfect compliment to such a talented athlete/actor. The wailing guitar into and groovy riff were also extremely catchy and made for a classic track. It even features some pretty majestic orchestration in the chorus that made the character truly seem larger than life.
3. Stone Cold Steve Austin – Hell Frozen Over
To this day, when I hear class breaking in movies or on TV or, heaven forbid, in real life, I half expect it to be followed by an ominous chugging riff that will make me look up to see a bald-headed, goatee-sporting Texas redneck walking toward me wielding a can o’ Budweiser and a middle finger. Nothing ever grabbed the attention of every fan in the stands and every viewer at home like that overly loud, obnoxious sound of glass breaking transitioning right into the song, and every time you heard it, you knew you were about to witness something awesome. Why is Stone Cold so high on this list? Oh, you know why. Because Stone Cold said so. (Drops mic, pours beer all over self, flips off everyone reading this)
Arguably one of the most renown and best wrestlers in history, Bret “The Hitman” Hart enjoyed a long, great career that was probably curtailed prematurely by the infamous Montreal Screwjob (but that’s another story for another time). Part of what gave the man his unending charisma, apart from the cool-guy image and unbelievable talent, was his music. The track was about as cheesy as any entrance music I can recollect, but it was just so instantly recognizable that the first few seconds became synonymous with those black and pink tights and those weird yet awesome floppy sunglasses.
The Ultimate Warrior was never what I would call a very stable individual. He even went so far as to change his name legally from James Brian Hollweg to simply “Warrior.” And if that’s not enough, he even enjoyed a brief stint as a right-wing motivational speaker who insisted that “queering doesn’t make the world work.” Well, alrighty then. The bottom line is that when you heard The Ultimate Warrior’s entrance music come through your lousy TV speakers and you saw him sprinting down the aisle and shake those ring ropes, preparing to deliver the ultimate beatdown, you too were pumped and jacked and fired up and all those kinds of words partly because the Warrior was so cool and partly because you didn’t know if he was going to just wrestle or if he was going to hyperventilate and die of a massive heart attack mere seconds into the match. The music, nonetheless, was pure canned, stereotypical stripped-down wannabe thrash at its finest, and The Ultimate Warrior was the personification of this simple, yet awesome aggressive riff. Is this the most metal wrestling song of all time? I think so, and if you disagree, the boys from DX have two words for you.