Lists of Domination
GD's Top 20 Debut Albums
09/03/12 || Global Domination
Introduction by InquisitorGeneralis: What have you been doing in the long span of time since our last list of complete fucking domination? Fingering your glory hole to midget squirt porn? Listening to Thai technical power grind? Watching reruns of Little House on the Prairie? Look, we here at Global D realize that there has been a gaping hole in your life (and vagina) these past few months so we figured we would get back in the list hustle with a double sized phallus of awesomeness; the Top 20 Debut albums in metal history. These are the best first impressions; the records that said “We are here, here to blow your brains out the back of your skull with our awesomeness”.
Remember the first time your little, flaccid meatstick made it’s debut into little Suzie Rottencrotch? You lasted about .6 seconds before passing out in a pool of your of your own tears and genetic material. These records ain’t that. These records bend little Suzie over on her kitchen sink and pound her into the 23rd fucken century all while making themselves a chicken salad sandwich and doing their taxes. Many of these bands never did anything better, many went on to long and successful careers, a few went down the toilet. Either way, these debuts album are all amazing and our list covers a wide variety of genres of styles. No need to thank us, your mothers already did.
20. Necrophagist: Onset of Putrefaction
Necrophagist have only made two albums, are fronted by a certified douche, and have kept us waiting for new material longer than it took Ryan Samuel to realize that black metal is his key to joining Satanic butt raids. With all of that shit stacked against them, Necrophagist still command respect. “To breath in casket”, “Fermented offal discharge”, and “Extreme unction” set the standard for brutal tech death mixed with strong hints of melodic guitar work. This record made the list and features fucking programmed drums. I hate programmed drums. And still I can’t deny how awesome “Onset of Putrefaction” is. What do a drum machine, a douche, and an assload of riffs, blasts, and time changes equal…?
A landmark debut album that permanently up’d the technical death metal game, that’s what.
19. Cynic: Focus
It’s amazing that of all the albums on this top 20, I managed to round up 3 different Florida-based bands. Victory goes to Detox! This is, unfortunately, another one of those bands whose incredible abilities both began and ended with their debut album, as all the material afterwards is half-hearted at best. But let’s ignore that for now and focus on “Focus“. One has the easiest time starting a discussion of Cynic by talking about the experimental nature of the album where the band was one of the very first (if not the first) to properly mix together elements of progressive metal, death metal and even a few nods towards industrial/electronic metal. It was way ahead of its time and around its original release it never got the proper sort of recognition it deserved, which is an incredible shame. From the robotic clean vocals to the raspy death growls, through the technical distortion-driven guitar playing to the beautiful clean, acoustic sections, this album has enough atmospherics to [insert semi-funny statement about your mind melting at the hands of this album’s atmospherics here]. The vocals are really what made me love this album, but one would be hard pressed (unless you’re just an unpleasable asshole who no one will ever love. You’re going to die alone and whiney!) to really find anything bad about this album. It heavily stands up to the test of time and although the band has gone soft on their last few recordings, one can always look back to this (and the demos that precede it) and smile, remembering the good old days. You and your shitty garage band could never touch anything even close to a song like “The eagle nature”. Never forget that!
18. Terrorizer: World downfall
Well looky here, we snuck a little grindcore onto the list! Or should I say death/grind? Probably. And since we only included debut albums that actually have follow-ups as well, we can be glad Terrorizer shat out some more bland material after 20 years or so – I guess they just wanted to have a legit entry here. And “World downfall” surely deserves a spot on the roster. Its achievement? Fusing grinding rage with talent for pretty much the first time. An abundance of blast beats, sick grooves (“Fear of napalm”?) and tight musicianship meet skilled death metal songwriting. This package is lyrically accompanied by socially conscious, leftist leanings and a fitting simplicity in riffing, both of which provide the album a solid grounding in straight-up hardcore punk. The slick production obviously caters to death metal tastes, however personally, I also massively enjoy the demo recordings of this material that give this a lot more of the crusty edge hinted at already. So, if you want this material with a bit more bile, track down the “From the tomb” compilation. It’s main impact however, and probably why it’s here in the first place, lies in the material’s transitional value. That, on the other hand, is best observed with the studio album, so first of all you should definitely make sure you have this in your collection. An absolute genre milestone.
17. Candlemass: Epicus doomicus metallicus
In the mid-80’s, when glam and guitars was king, there was a huge void in the world of heavy metal. And now we’re talking fucken HEAVY metal. The throne of despair, held for so long by the almighty Black Sabbath, was left vacated and a new heir was needed. Enter Leif Edling & co. The tempo was dragged back to ominous slowness. The riffs seeped of illwill and malice. The drums pounded like the footsteps of doom. Doom metal, or epic doom metal if you will, was born.
This album created, or at the very least monumentally changed the course of a huge subgenre in metal, and stands head and shoulders above anything either Candlemass or any other doom outfit have released since. From legendary opener “Solitude”, through classics like “Demons Gate” and “Crystal Ball”, to closer “A Sorcerer’s Pledge” with the crowd-pleasing sing-along outro, “EDM” is a milestone in metal history.
It is also the only album, not only with Candlemass but with any band, on which we can hear the fantastic vocals of Johan Längquist. His charisma, power and range are unrivaled in the history of the band – and let me remind you that the mic of the C has been held by certified heavyweights such as Messiah Marcolin, Robert Lowe, Thomas Vikström and Mats Levén. No one, and I mean NO ONE, can do “Solitude” justice, other than Mr. Längquist.
Earth to earth
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust.
16. Black Sabbath: Black sabbath
Black Sabbath. This is one of those albums that simply cannot be ignored when you’re talking about heavy metal debuts. In fact, this album might well be the debut of heavy metal as we know it. From the iconic title song which would go on to birth an entire sub genre in doom metal to “The Wizard” and “N.I.B.” which wrote the blueprint for much of the genre. Iommi, Butler, Ward and Osbourne were still perfecting their sound and their attack and the scary bit is that the four would go on to make far greater music but in terms of sheer impact on a genre, nothing comes close to “Black Sabbath.”
15. Ulver: Bergtatt – Et eeventyr i 5 capitler
Ulver’s “Bergtatt – et eeventyr i 5 capitler” (“Taken into the mountain – a fairy tale in 5 chapters”) is not a perfect debut; it’s a bit shorter than its epic concept calls for, some of the quiet/loud transitions are abrupt, and some of the heavier moments aren’t that interesting. Yes, I have cooled on it a little bit since my review 3 years ago… still, I do definitely like it, as passion, creativity, and sheer emotional feeling should outweigh any anal need for perfection. It’s a neat blend of soft, folky acoustic touches, blasting, buzzing black metal, and in-between sections that are metal, but a highly melodic kind (but not like Dark Tranquillity or anything), as well as a few parts that even blur the lines between those styles.
The lyrics are neat too, telling the story of a girl who becomes lost in some snowy mountain-forest, and kidnapped by trolls or some shit; they’re all written in archaic Danish & Norwegian, but the passion inherent in frontman Garm’s vocals, whether he’s doing a velvet-soft, smooth, ethereal clean style, monk-like chanting, or black metal scream-growling, still help to get the point across very well. Additionally, nice experimental touches like sudden lightning sound effects, tromping-thru-the-snow samples, and distant, direction-less (in a good way) piano playing also help to paint us a visual scene of the girl’s plight, lost, scared, and lonely in the dark mountains, vividly communicating emotions to us even if we don’t speak the language. The relatively un-polished, naturalistic production (but nowhere near Darkthrone-rawness) only adds to the down-home, Norwegian-y charm, helping to cement the status of “Bergtatt” as a uniquely fascinating, diamond-in-the-rough debut. Very interesting, lovely stuff here.
…oh yeah, but I still think I’ll dislike “Nattens madrigal” for all eternity; sorry!!!
14. Helloween: Walls of Jericho
“Walls of Jericho” was one of the first CDs I owned and it still occupies a very sentimental corner of my CD cabinet. Speed metal used to be a confusing genre tag. Its sort of thrashy and really fast but its more like Maiden than Metallica. This is the quintessential speed metal album. The songs just tear through you and Kai Hansen and Michael Weikath were on fire right through this album. The duo’s love for Judas Priest and Iron Maiden may have been obvious but they were also phenomenal song writers in their own right and the result is an album that still kicks ass and is everything you’d expect from heavy fucking metal. “Ride the Sky” and its definitive speed metal riffing, “Reptile” with its quasi thrash approach, the melody of “Guardians,” the fist pumping sing a long chorus in “Phantoms of Death,” the mandatory ode to heavy metal in “Metal Invaders” and just the right mix of cheese and badassery in “Gorgar.” “Walls of Jericho” has every element that makes power metal what it is today. Simply a fantastic metal album from start to finish. Even as the power and quality of these songs were diluted over the years by the band themselves and by literally hundreds of imitators, “Walls of Jericho” inspired generations of metal heads, kick-started the power metal genre and is still just as relevant today as it was when it came out.
13. Nocturnus: The key
While I spoke higher in this list of Morbid Angel’s guitar ferocity and my feelings towards that end, they are nothing… I repeat, NOTHING compared to how much enjoyment I get out of the guitar work all over Nocturnus’s debut “The key”. You wouldn’t really have that hard of a time convincing me that these riffs were recorded by beings not of this world (although, technically, the early Florida death metal scene really was in a world all its own). The solos are beyond insane, and although incredibly technical all around I never find myself feeling bored or annoyed, nor do I find any of it to be considered wankerish. The drumming is solid, but pretty straightforward and the vocals are pretty bland and I must say that one of the elements of this album that hasn’t stood the test of time well is definitely the production. If anything could use a great remastering, it’s this album. My love for this album really comes down to the keyboards, though. The melding together of the guitar and keyboard/synth work on this album is astonishing and has never had much real competition, as far as I’m concerned. This record has zero unenjoyable tracks and it’s truly unfortunate that the band’s amazing antics started and ended with this album, as “Thresholds” sucks. That’s right, I said it… someone had to. Yeesh. Enter the motherfucking droids!
12. Testament: The legacy
Who could have predicted that the Bay Area’s finest, and most underrated band would still be going as strong today as when they debuted over twenty five years ago with “The Legacy”? Testament brought something new to the thrash game when they up’d the melodies and virtuoso guitar playing while maintaining the speed and aggression of the movement’s late 70’s, early 80’s origins. Testament were accessible but still intense and helped open thrash up to a whole new audience who worshiped the guitar golds of old but had not quite accepted the harsher aspects of thrash metal. How can you go wrong with a debut album that hits you with “Over the wall”, “The haunting”, “Burnt offerings”, and “Raging waters” back to back to back to back. That is prime grade shit right there, buster.
Oh, the back end (you know you like the back end) is thick and meaty to with the always amazing “First strike is deadly” and “Apocalyptic city” pluming things up. Testament are a great, long-lasting band and their debut still holds up today as a landmark thrash record whose songs still bring the house down when played live. I saw Testament play this bay boy all the way through a few years ago, and it was fucking sweet. End of story.
11. Mayhem: De mysteriis dom Sathanas
Ah, yes. The album that (the media believe) burned a thousand churches. I know that technically, “De mysteriis dom Sathanas” was not the first time the world was introduced to the mighty Mayhem. That honor probably goes to either “Deathcrush” or “Live in Leipzig.” However, “Mysteriis” was definitely the band’s first full-length, and it still stands as one of the albums that helped define the black metal genre and one of the all-time greats. Everyone knows the story behind Mayhem. Varg blah blah blah killed Euronymous blah blah, but this was the album that featured the two playing side by side. The album itself is bubbling over with black metal classics like “Freezing Moon,” “Funeral Fog,” “Pagan Fears,” and the title track, and the songwriting you find on the album is a clinic in black metal. Euronymous defined the sound of the genre on this album with the abundant minor chords and tremolo picking, and the atmosphere is as creepy as the blue church on the black cover. This is undoubtedly an album that every metal fan should have in his or her collection.
10. Entombed: Left hand path
You know the Sunlight sound? The one that was a huge part of the Swedeath scene in the early ‘90s? Buzzing chainsaw guitars, pounding and piercing drums, and an overall gritty in-your-face soundscape. Yes, that sound. This album is the one that made it famous. When “Left Hand Path” was released, all the bands in the scene wanted to sound like Nicke Andersson & co. The record is a perfect example of a symbiosis between music and production. The riffs are buzzing and chainsaw-like. The drum beats and hits are pounding and piercing (and groovy as fuck!) The songs are, overall, gritty and in-your-face; and let’s not forget L-G Petrov’s maniacal growls and screams. A death metal classic was born, and since it was arguably the first official full-length release to come out of the cooking and boiling death metal demo scene in Sweden, “Left Hand Path”’s place in the history books was firmly secured. The quality of the riffs and arrangements is undeniable, with classics such as “Revel in Flesh”, “Supposed to Rot” and the title track providing the album’s highlights. The fact that the guys who wrote and performed this were only just entering adulthood is stunning, but it also explains where the raw adrenaline and ferocity that drives the album’s energy onward comes from. The early Swedeath scene produced many gems, but this has to be the crown jewel.
9. Celtic Frost: To mega therion
A lot of bands that try blending a bunch of different genres/sounds together either end up being slaves to their predecessors, fail to create something truly fresh, or sound hesitant and unsure of their own vision, either lacking the proper creative intelligence or the willingness to fully commit. Most of them that is, ‘cept for Switzerland’s Celtic Frost; while frontman Tom “Million Names” Warrior already had some experience in recording metal from a few demos/EPs with Frost & Hellhammer, contrary to popular belief, “Morbid tales” was originally an EP… then the record label slapped on a few songs for the American release, and acted like that made it a true full-length. Uh-uh; “To mega therion” was Frost’s real first full-length, and what a debut it was, a highly aggressive, ambitious, and (perhaps most importantly) coherent slab of extreme metal, taking inspiration from the already-existent thrash movement, and the then nascent black/death/doom movements, culminating in a record that helped influence not one, not two, but three distinctive genres.
You see, in the 80’s, before it had become an umbrella term to just let your newb friends know that you like heavier stuff than The black album, “extreme metal” actually meant something, seeing as how the heavier shit was more sparse, and there wasn’t a bad Suffocation rip-off in every single town. A good extreme metal record really stood out then, which helps explain why “therion” is such a legend, since it pretty much came out at the perfect time, at the chronological crossroads between the more “traditional” metal of the past, and the extremer styles that have gotten so big since. Hell, even if it had come out in 2012 instead of ’85, it would still kick our asses with its highly intelligent and “alive” songwriting, and breakneck transitions from thrashing fury to foreboding, apocalyptic doom, all delivered by Tom’s wonderful snarling, dirty guitar sound & chaotic, ADD solos, and with a lil’ bit of niche appeal in Warrior’s oh-so-idiosyncratic grunts and shouts, in addition to the generally harsh-ish vocals which helped inspire the growlers of today.
Besides sheer ass-kicking entertainment value and genre influence, “therion” also still sounds a bit off the beaten path even today, with avant-guarde touches like traditional orchestra instruments, operatic, high-pitched female vocals that appear without warning, a weird, creepy, ambient interlude track (though it doesn’t top “Danse macabre”), and so on, further adding to the album’s high level of uniqueness. So yeah, if you’re big on classic albums that have hardly aged at all, it’s hard to beat “To mega therion”. Sure, Warrior’s a pretty whiny and pretentious guy, and for the most part, Frost’s career after this (mostly) failed to live up to this legacy, but it’s still just so awesome on its own, I really can’t give much of a fuck about anything else. Truth, baby.
8. Dissection: The somberlain
Most of the songs on this record were written when mastermind Jon Nødtveidt was between 14 and 17 years old. What were you doing when you were 14? That’s right, eating your own snot in 8th grade and playing Pokémon. Not making high-quality death/black metal with amazing hooks and a Satanic atmosphere, that’s for sure. Luckily, Jon did. “The Somberlain” is a fantastic debut and is still, a couple of decades later, one of the finest albums to be released in the genre. Malignant vocals, fiery riffing, harsh drumming, bleak melodies – no signs of adolescence here, it’s pure balls. Intricate arrangements with guitar harmonies and complex song structures make this album as progressive as the instant hooks make it catchy on the first listen. Since Dissection only made three albums, and all are pure quality throughout, as much as they are different from each other, every single one of them is a must-buy. So, what are you waiting for?! Either spin it buy it!
7. Deicide: Deicide
I first heard Deicide’s self-titled debut in 1993. Coming along after my initiation through Guns n’ Roses, Iron Maiden and thrash metal, “Deicide” was unlike anything I’d heard at that point. It really was a pivotal moment in my life. When Benton shrieked out “dead by dawn, dead by dawn, dead by dawn… DEAD…. BY…. DAWN” it was just about the most evil thing I’d ever heard. This music actually had the power to possess and make a bunch of Hindu kids behave in highly idiotic fashion, writing lyrics about Satan, wearing bits of animal bone as necklaces, cutting an inverted cross onto your skin…. Looking back, man, we were stupid but when I was 14 years old, heavy metal and Deicide were the most important things in my life. Sure, the whole thing got diluted in years to come and we found out Benton was a bit of a talker. His promise to kill himself at 33 turned out to be a bunch of bull and just a silly statement but back then it just made us go: “Wow. This guy is mad.” Anyway, leave all of the theatrics around this album to one side and you’re still left with 10 fantastic songs and an album that more than 20 years after its release is still one of the most important death metal albums ever released. It’s still inspiring generations of metal heads and I still get goosebumps when “Dead by Dawn” comes on. This is Deicide’s debut and still their finest moment.
6. Guns N’ Roses: Appetite for destruction
This album isn’t brutal or kvlt or any other metal elitist adjective. It’s just a good fucken record. It’s undoubtedly one of the single best albums ever recorded by any artist from any genre, and I cannot even begin to describe its importance on me personally as a musician and metal connoisseur, or even on myself as an individual in any sort of rational manner. When I was a wee lad, I actually stole this cassette from a friend of mine just because I thought the cover was cool as hell. Show me a 12-year old boy who says he doesn’t like skulls wearing sunglasses, and I’ll show you a liar. Besides, my friend was starting to get into pop country anyway, so he clearly didn’t deserve this piece of musical badassery. When I clunked the thing in my Sony Walkman and pressed play, I vowed I would never look back. I didn’t and still haven’t. Slash’s guitar and Axl’s voice had me possessed. I started reading metal magazines, finding other bands and ordering their albums, stealing more of my friend’s tapes, and I even started to learn to play guitar myself just to emulate Slash. I still love songs like “Mr. Brownstone,” “Out ta get me,” “Nightrain,” and “I think about you” as much today as I did the first time I heard them. I don’t know where I would be without this album in my life. Honestly, I’d rather not even think about it. I love you, “Appetite for Destruction.” You had me at “Oh my god.”
5. Iron Maiden: Iron maiden
This is going to be utterly terrifying, but imagine an alternate reality in which this album and this band never existed. No galloping basslines. No harmonized leads. No “woooooah-oooooh” sing-along parts. Sheer horror. Granted, I was -1 years old when this album came out, but I still fully understand the profound impact it had on the global metal scene then, and still has on it today. When you think about it, only two members of today’s Maiden lineup even contributed to this album, but they are both legends. Steve Harris became the standard by which all other heavy metal bassists are judged, and there’s not a metal fan worth his weight in mini-humbuckers who doesn’t know who Dave Murray is. This was the album where it all began. You can argue that Bruce Dickinson slays Paul Di’Anno, and you’d be right, but Paul brought an attitude to Maiden on their first two albums that has not been seen since. Also, the upgrade from Dennis Stratton here to Adrian Smith later was infinitely beneficial, but listening to this, their self-titled debut, is a refreshing listen these days, knowing what we know now. Is this the best album Iron Maiden ever recorded? Hell no. That’s another argument for another time. But this album is one hell of a debut. It’s an absolutely integral part of metal history and should not be overlooked.
4. Emperor: In the nightside eclipse
Released into the unsuspecting, young world of thrashy and primitive black metal in the same year as “De mysteriis dom Sathanas”, “In the Nightside Eclipse” eclipsed (sorry) most of what was going on in the scene and made a bold statement of Emperor’s own. Ihsahn & co’s vision was to make something more sophisticated, yet still as malevolent as their genre brethren. With the addition of eerie keyboard landscapes to the more traditional black metal aspects such as blastbeats, screeching vocals and minor tremolo picking, “ITNE” was truly groundbreaking stuff, and laid a firm foundation for atmospheric/symphonic black metal. The fact that this sub-sub-genre has been largely diluted and misused since is not the pioneers’ fault, and certainly does not diminish the value of this great record at all. Especially considering The Big E’s fantastic sophomore “Anthems…”, that really hit the jackpot. With classics such as “I Am the Black Wizards”, “Cosmic Keys to My Creations and Times” and epic closer “Inno a Satana”, this is a landmark in the history of black metal.
3. Machine Head: Burn my eyes
There are very few albums that are pure distillations of rage that I would give the vaunted 10 to; not even “Reign in blood”, though I do love it. While I do love hearing me some brawn in metal as much as the next guy, I also love to hear some brains almost as much. Guess that explains why I’m not much for grindcore. However, there exists one album to date that is the exception to my rule, which is Machine Head’s “Burn my eyes”. Taking some musical influence from the groove metal stylings of Pantera (but turned up to 11), and social influence from fucked-up real events like the Rodney King riots and the Waco siege (what did you think “Davidian” was about?), Machine Headgiver makes the album succeed mainly through the sheer bulldozer force of those thick, groovy riffs, Chris Kontos’s primal, pounding drums, and Robb Flynn’s righteously-outraged lyrics/shouting, attacking a government and society that has become fat with apathy, conflict, and corruption.
However, besides the socially-conscious lyrics, there are some other moments here that impress me with the thought put into them; stuff like how well the killer drum intro on “The rage to overcome” works with that drilling-into-your-ears, shriek-y guitar work, the eerily quiet, patient, and atmospheric intro/build-up of “A nation on fire”, the successful, relevant integration of ominously distorted news samples on “Real eyes, realize, real lies”, with the riffing grooving away underneath it as an anchor… all proving that Head had something going on in their, well, heads when they recorded this. But again, the main appeal here is the pure rage, and MH pulls that off about as well as I’ve ever heard on any album. Their career since has been a bit up and down (and really down at a few points), and while they have done a few very good records since, “Burn” will almost surely be their crowning achievement for eternity, as well as one of metal in general’s greatest records. How many other debut albums can say the same thing? So far, fucken none of ‘em I say.
2. Metallica: Kill ‘em all
“BUT IT’S NOT THE FIRST THRASH RECORD!!” – FUCK you. This is what put thrash metal on the map and with it, one of the most successful metal bands ever. It is pointless to point out any weaknesses or shortcomings, although I of course acknowledge that you know somebody who has found them, analyzed them and turned them into a tasty stew – it doesn’t matter. Pretty much every teenage self-respecting metal band from my generation (and probably way, way before) started out by playing covers of “Seek and Destroy”, or other songs off this album – but preferably “Seek and destroy” because the shitty drummers couldn’t go faster. This is a fact that towers undisputedly above any kind of “but the songwriting…” argument. It showcases exactly how important “Kill ‘em all” was and is. It opened up a world where you could just get together with friends and dream of becoming a bad-ass band with the simplest of means, plus – important – a good dose of aggression. Turns out it wasn’t that simple after all, but who cares if you had a blast trying? So thanks Metallica – thanks that I automatically think of the “Jump in the fire” riff when “Motorbreath” ends, thanks that I still know the “Whiplash” lyrics by heart, and all in all: thanks for the inspiration. No thanks for becoming asswipes later, but that’s another story.
1. Morbid Angel: Altars of madness
So the collective grouping of douchebags that is the Global Domination staff has decided that top honors in the debut album department goes to the frenzied Florida assault force known as Morbid Angel and their devastatingly crushing debut “Altars of madness”. Big surprise, am I right? But even with it being perceived as overrated by many, this album was amazing when it dropped in the late 80’s and it still holds up incredibly well today. The guitar work on this album? Holy crippled Christ on a cross! There are few things more maniacal and demonic sounding during this period that the guitar sounds that came out of this recording. The solos? Not that complex? Really? Just try to follow along with the insanity you flock of bedroom guitar ‘virtuosos’. I expect to see some hilarious YouTube covers real fucking soon. The vocals on the album are average and are the one thing that I just kind of deal with when it comes to the album, but all of the musical elements themselves more than make up for it. The drumming is nasty and tight all at the same time and the bass playing ain’t too shabby either. It’s not my favorite debut, but i’d be lying if I said it wasn’t damn close. I also love the “ha ha ha ha“ part at the beginning of “Maze of Torment”. Bleed for the devil, you cowardly cunts!
P.S. – Fuck Smalley for writing 2 or 3 paragraph snippets and making the rest of us look bad. For shame!
P.P.S. – Yeah. For shame. Oh wait. -CadenZ
Outroduction by Habakuk: Now before you enter nerd rage mode because your FAVIROITE album hasn’t been featured – despair not. This time around, we let our staffers compile the shit they would have liked to see, but which didn’t quite make the cut. If the debut of your dreams doesn’t show up in those short lists either, well, then it probably just sucks. Here they are: