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Global Domination | Witnessed | Destruction, Krisiun, Mantic Ritual, 2009-03-21

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Witnessed

Destruction, Krisiun, Mantic Ritual, 2009-03-21

15/04/09  ||  Global Domination

This review was written by ex-staffer/cocksmoker Doomsdayzach.

Location: El Corazon in Seattle, WA, USA.

Man, it’s been a long time since I’ve done this stuff. Some of you long term dudes might remember my fucking amazing review of the last Epica cd. Good God, did that pile of shit ever suck. Anyway, I figured I’d get back into the reviewing game, what with life mellowing out a bit. What better way to come back than a live review of Destruction, some of the most thrashing Krauts you’ll ever witness with your eyesockets? Hmm, maybe a review of the newest product from the Oxi Clean guy would be in order…

The show was on a fine Seattle Saturday, and I was undoubtedly horribly hungover. Bleary eyed, I got up from my comfortable bed and made my way to meet my buddy Jeff from Mantic Ritual, the openers for the show. While the antics that took place from 2 pm until doors opened were mostly mundane, a few of the highlights were:

- Seeing Schmier roll out of bed and put his pants on. (Come on… you know how we roll at GD)

- Going to get some burgers from Dick’s drive in, which spurred numerous jokes about being full of dicks.

- Learning from Marc of Destruction that the plus sign in front of European numbers is NOT part of some secret launch code equation, but in fact is just a replacement for 00.

First up were the local openers, both of which are hardly worth mentioning on musical merits, especially since none of you guys should or will check them out. However, in the spirit of a review, I’ll say something about each band. Sword of Judgment started off the evening with the biggest collective load of shit I’ve seen in some time. This is because Kenny, ex-Die By Day (another band you’ll never hear about because they sucked too much cock and disbanded) is a huge fag who thinks that he can talk between every fucking song, even though he’s just the bassist and he doesn’t sing. And why would you name your band “Sword of Judgment” anyway? I escaped the vast majority of this atrocity by hitting up the German restaurant down the street for a liter of beers with my mates. Not surprisingly, Destruction was there partaking in the wonderfully bastardized home-country cuisine. We spent most of Sword of Judgment’s set talking about humorous topics, such as anal sex and underage girls (not necessarily in the same conversation) and greatly offending a number of the “higher class” patrons. A cry of “DESTRUCTION!!” was bellowed into the restaurant as we made our grand exit, only to return to see the very tail end of Sword of Judgment. It was not anything remotely impressive.

Next up was H.M.P, the only band in Seattle who MIGHT have a worse name than Sword of Judgement/Die by Day. H.M.P seriously stands for Heavy Metal Poetry. Fucking retarded. We decided to go, as a group, to the van and spend their set talking shit and smoking or drinking whatever happened to be around. This also involved making the band rock back and forth and making loud, gay sex sounds every time people walked by. So much for inconspicuous…

The first actual band of the night was Mantic Ritual, formerly Meltdown whom I have a bit of a boner for. Being as I was not entirely sober and excited to see them for the second time, I had no problem singing along with their entire set and headbanging viciously. Their set was perfect, and included most of the cuts from their debut album, not to mention a pretty damn accurate rendition of “Black metal”. The thing that Mantic gets that many of their peers just don’t understand is that songwriting is the key to an awesome thrash band (see Forbidden for example), not tight black pants and false posing (again… Sword of Judgment). They just love to rock and they don’t give a FUCK!

Krisiun was up next, and I was out the door to go get a sandwich with Mr. Potts. Don’t get me wrong, I fucking LOVE Krisiun live. It’s always awesome to hear Alex proclaim between each song how much they “really fucking appreciate the support” because “this is underground shit” and “without you guys we would be nothing”. I know Alex, we “fucking rule”. It’s the truth, but I figured Krisiun will be back again so I could miss most of the set tonight. Besides, I couldn’t throw away another opportunity to rip on Kenny some more. We got back to the venue in time to see the last song of Krisiun’s set, and not surprisingly they fucking ripped everyone apart with their no bullshit Brazilian death metal assault.

Finally, Destruction. Yes. Take note and learn from the masters! Alright, so Destruction aren’t everything they used to be. They can still thrash, Schmeir still has his scream in order, their strobe lights still take the place of any real sort of stage presence and all their shit sounds marginally similar. I am always glad to hear some Destruction classics, but they kind of lose me with their newer material with the modern touch. Kreator were always the better songwriters though, so you gotta hit a Destruction show knowing that it’s all about banging your head. It was also fun to watch Kenny being a faggot, prancing around the pit like a big ol’ douche. Don’t fuck with Destruction.

It was a successful night. Not only did I get to hang out with a good buddy and thrash out, but I got to revel in all the glory of Seattle’s biggest fudge bandit. The show was an 8 out of 10, and Kenny needs 10 punches in his dick.