Witnessed
Chimaira, Arch Enemy, Nevermore, Hate Eternal, 2006-04-06
19/04/06 || Global Domination
This show was witness by ex-staffer Syrrok:
Syrrok’s memoirs regarding a recent metal show.
1.) A letter of apology to Hate Eternal
Dear Hate Eternal,
My name is Syrrok and I recently attended your performance at the House of Blues here in San Diego. I was extremely excited to see your band play some metal, especially with guest-drummer Kevin Talley behind the kit. As expected, you gentlemen played terrific death metal, albeit a little too annoyingly technical. You guys looked tough and you played tough. You provided me with no surprises and you made my beer settle well. A word about the San Diego audience: Yes, there weren’t many. Ye,s they were overall rather quiet. I imagine this frustrated you. When your bassplayer yelled out in between songs, “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU FUCKERS, YOU CAN HEAR ME PICK!” I can only assume this was an example of displeasure. What can I say, it is what it is. We have burritos, great beer and beautiful women in San Diego. We aren’t generally angry about anything. Maybe this is why we didn’t burn the place down (to your satisfaction) during your performance. Anyway, thanks for playing metal well.
Kisses/Syrrok.
2.) A plead to Nevermore
Dear Nevermore,
I offer you two suggestions that will greatly contribute to your “comfort” within the metal community; First, stop fooling yourselves – you are old. You are all so old you probably find yourselves cumming dust at times. With this fact in mind, understand that you do not belong on bills with bands that far surpass you in terms of aggressiveness and general metal-destroyingness. I guess your music, at times, is somewhat tough. There are good riffs here and there but please, PLEASE lose that singer. He is 57, sings like Kenny Loggins, and wears a beanie onstage to conceal his receding hairline. It’s time to go back to the Gigantour where you belong: With the other bands who’s collective age tips the 400 number.
Cheers /Syrrok
3.) A note of thanks to Arch Enemy
Dear Arch Sea Anemone,
Thank you, metal-band Arch Enemy. Thank you for the consistency and thank you for the guitarshow. Your performance after two very different bands brought everything together for the evening.
You all wear some terrific Swedish smiles, the best of course belonging to your leadsinger. Why was she wearing face paint reminiscent of that of ancient Native American’s by the way? Whatever, she’s hot and she held shit down very tightly. I was beyond impressed with her range and stamina. Hey, while I’m thinking of it, did you hire that guy from the Melvins to play guitar for you? Ok, back to the point of my note: Thanks for keeping it true and playing a terrific, tight set with little bullshit talking in between. Unlike Hate Eternal, you guys seemed to understand the crowd was somewhat lame but you forged ahead strongly nonetheless. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that, spending $30 on a ticket not to mention double that on alcohol.
Muchos besos amigos /Syrrok
4.) A letter for Chimaira
Dear prototypical American metal-band Chimaira,
As a guitar player I love your band. Based on this alone I dug the shit out of your show. One of the main reasons I dug your show dealt with the fact that I was standing two feet away from your two great guitar-players the entire time. Yes, I realize that one of the reasons I was able to watch from so close was the fact that I was 1 of perhaps 60 people left at the show. IT’S YOUR FAULT ASSHOLES!
You know San Diego is not a metal-town and yet you had the balls to START your set at 11 pm? With all due respect, what the fuck were you thinking? Actually, I should thank you for the decision to play so late. It sent home a majority of the typical “metal-show retards”, and also weeded out that guy with the “Nevermore” tattoo on his forearm. Much like Arch Enemy, you guys remained professional despite the lack of appropriate response. Just so you know, I tried to do my part. I threw people around, yelled like a castrated monkey, and threw horns so hard that I tore a ligament in between my pointer and middle finger. I close by offering my simple thanks for playing what I think was an entire set of non-stop riff-based metal.
Strong work /Syrrok